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Original poster

OLD and looks/weight

28 replies

PookieDo · 28/08/2018 08:19

Generally speaking I know I could probably do with losing a stone or 2 but 99% of the time I don’t give it much thought. I am single though and don’t have to be naked around anyone... I kind of would like to be at some point though

I am 5’6, a 14-16 and not sure what I weigh, maybe around 13 stone. Boobs/bum big legs etc. I try to dress nice for work but not into skimpy clothing anyway.

I am unsure about what to have on an OLD profile body wise, especially when I just don’t have any full length photos of myself and taking a selfie feels really very cringe! But I don’t want to ‘catfish’ anyone!

My last partner had a way of making me feel odd about my body - he liked my sexual organs a lot and me in bed but didn’t really seem to fancy my body much. I’ve had 2 kids, it’s not what it once was!

I have been swapping really funny old photos (think fancy dress) with a guy online and realise I look really slim in them. I made it clear that these are old but did not go as far to say ‘I’m bigger now’ as that must also be a huge turn off

In a nutshell do you draw attention to your figure or not?

OP posts:
IndieTara · 28/08/2018 08:25

I have an active OLD profile and have a couple of recent full length photos on. I always put the dates of my photos on too.
I'm 5 ft 9 and a size 16

I wouldn't say it's drawing attention but I prefer to be completely upfront and honest with how I look.

inshockrightnow · 28/08/2018 08:39

Get a flattering full length photo and relax. I agree best to be upfront. I did OLD in the past and the biggest turn-off was people that aren't honest. For me it was mostly age they lied about. Met one guy that said he was 44 but was 56.

Good luck! Smile

Original poster
PookieDo · 28/08/2018 08:47

How do you get one? It is not natural to have one taken is it? 😂

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 28/08/2018 08:54

I was curvier when doing OLD. I was maybe a size 14, but felt self conscious as my usual size is a 10-12. I got lots of compliments on my face selfies but I was honest and said I wasn't slim. I never had a problem attracting men. The first thing my now husband said to me after meeting on our first date was " why did you say you're fat, you're not!". That really filled me with confidence.

Original poster
PookieDo · 28/08/2018 09:17

Thanks. Im not overly confident with taking selfies or asking other people to take photos, it doesn’t feel very natural and then I don’t look natural (in my own opinion). I do not mind being curvy and my face is ok just I am 100% certain I look better in clothes - I have stretch marks, wobbly tummy and a lot of cellulite. Boobs not too bad, can tend to make me look wider than I am and a bit shelf like. My hair is probably the best feature. Any hair enthusiasts out there? 😂

I think looking at old photos always makes you feel weird. I was very slim but I wasn’t very happy

OP posts:
m0vinf0rward · 28/08/2018 09:22

Just be honest and post an accurate photo. Too many people post misleading shots and it can be hard to find whats your preference. Don't be tempted to doctor shot, nobody like a fibber.

Soulqueen · 28/08/2018 09:31

Take a selfie. I usually take one in front of the mirror for a full length shot but need to take at least 50 to get a half decent one.

Thingsdogetbetter · 28/08/2018 09:35

Never met a man who gave a dam about my body being 'less attractive' once I took my clothes off. They were all so bloody happy I was naked. Lol

Men are a lot less critical of things like stretch marks than we ourselves. They just go "whippee, woman I fancy is naked. Naked! With no clothes on! With boobies and everything! Huzzah"

inshockrightnow · 28/08/2018 09:59

Just get a friend to take a standing photo of you looking natural. Don't think formal school phot Grin Get a load taken and pick the best.Smile

Original poster
PookieDo · 28/08/2018 10:19

Will take the plunge with a decent full length although I just found one and put it on - it’s a funny one, I am doing something a bit silly in it. I don’t mind that it is a bit silly and at least it shows me full length!

I don’t want a serious type so if he is put off by my silly photo or my chunky legs then he isn’t the man for me!

OP posts:
Original poster
PookieDo · 28/08/2018 10:20

I think I’m still a bit put off by last partner, he seemed to be a bit obsessive about weight and was very quiet, I now have no idea why he bothered with me as i am curvy/overweight and silly

OP posts:
JacNaylor · 28/08/2018 10:21

Yep, definitely need an honest full length photo (get a friend to take one) some people will reject you based on weight but better they do it early, before you've invested time and emotion. Lots of people won't care and will think you're gorgeous.

Amazonfromkent · 28/08/2018 10:24

Facing the same dilemma with OLD. I'm 5'5 and 11.5 stone, size 12-14. Is that considered above average size?

IndieTara · 28/08/2018 10:33

Try not to worry, in my experience loads of men prefer curves and realise we don't have the bodies of teens anymore.

Of course that won't stop the unwanted messages you'll receive ( this is after all OLD ) but plenty of men will love your size

MargoLovebutter · 28/08/2018 10:39

Have you had a look at the guys on OLD dating sites? It's not like they are all demi-gods lowering themselves to pick up slightly less than perfect women!!!!!!

If you are happy with you, they will be too - I promise! Smile

piethagoras · 28/08/2018 10:53

Go to your nearest local beauty spot, place of interest or monument, act like a tourist, and ask a stranger to take some pictures of you on your phone.

Dress up a bit first if you want. And do it while the weather isn't too drab.

It's what I did.

uncomfortablydumb53 · 28/08/2018 11:01

Try to put a half or full length selfie plus lots of flattering facial selfies, use phrases like " it's inside that counts more than outside" in your profile and let your personality shine through with matches
I'm a little overweight have mild cerebral palsy and no oil painting, but by the time we ended up in the bedroom He didn't careBlushWe matched on Tinder 6 months ago

PinkHeart5914 · 28/08/2018 11:01

You need a full length photo tbh. Your taking 1 selfie not 100 so it’s hardly cringe. Just on a night out/day out get someone to take a photo of you or stand the camera on the side in your home, set timer and wear decent clothes job done!

I think just putting up face photos can be a bit mis leading and the only way online dating works is to put up accurate photos and be honest.

Yes some men will care about weight/looks just in the same way some women wouldn’t date a man with a big belly etc etc but many will not care

Original poster
PookieDo · 28/08/2018 11:55

I don’t care if they reject me based on a photo but I care if they think they can make me a better hotter version of myself if they can get me to lose weight for them Angry

How do you weed those ones out...

OP posts:
IndieTara · 28/08/2018 12:15

Op you can't really weed them out until you've spoken with them or met them and even then it takes time.
In my experience they're usually on best behaviour initially so you can't really see their true personality.

custardcream1000 · 28/08/2018 12:16

I think the main thing is to put up recent photos of what you look like everyday and not use filters. A lot of the men I spoke to when I was OLD, said previous dates looked nothing like their photos.

I never had a full body shot on my profile, just some photos where you could clearly see my face and the top half of my body. I received a lot of messages, so I don't think it's an issue if you don't have one.

For context, I'm 5,8 and a size 10 and chose average for the body description part. I really had no idea what to put.

It sounds like you have a great body. I'm sure you will find a lovely man who loves you exactly as you are.

Storm4star · 28/08/2018 12:32

The one thing I have learnt from OLD is you cannot spend any time worrying about your body! For every man who would like a slim woman, there's another who'd prefer a curvy woman! I was slim (until I put on 2 stone from medication!) and was actually dumped for being "too skinny" another man asked me if I'd consider a boob job! (I dumped him after that!). Now I fit their "curvy" criteria, I've had men tell me I'm fat! I have the boobs they want now, but I have a stomach to match! And haven't figured out how to get rid of the stomach without losing the boobs! lol. You will drive yourself crazy if you try to fulfil an "ideal" because there isn't one. A man who deserves you, will be a man who loves your body as it is.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 28/08/2018 12:52

I'm not sure that men generally look at an overweight woman and think "ooh if I can get her to lose weight she'd be attractive" - they can't be arsed, they just pick someone thinner to start with!

FWIW I sent my DP a full length photo before our first date and said "if you only like skinny girls, you can back out now" (which I now realise showed my insecurities and was not the right way to phrase it, especially as I was at my lightest for many years!) He replied that I looked great and that we'd either hit it off or not, but either way we'd have a fun evening.

Since that fateful night we've both piled on the pounds, so our initial attraction to each other at our 'dating weight' may have got us together, but we both still find each other irresistible now, several stone later.

If you already have a good connection then I'd be up front and send him a more up to date pic but don't mention your weight in it. You'll be able to tell from his reaction to it (does he carry on chatting as usual, does he carry on with planning a meet up, does he mention that you look good/different/sexy etc). Make sure your photo emphasises the boobs, as that's the best bit about being heavier Wink and if it puts him off, bullet dodged.

OliviaBonas · 28/08/2018 12:57

Ask a friend to take one. It’ll be fine.

Original poster
PookieDo · 28/08/2018 13:09

I think some men do think this about getting a woman to lose weight! Especially if they think they are sexually attractive but ‘could be better’ in this land of OLD. I have a Male aquaintance who offered me this pearl of wisdom to me for dating - ‘lose some weight, get hotter and you will find a guy’, and also my ex who like many of you - wanted the boobs but not the chunky legs. I don’t get to choose which bits of me lose weight or put it on 🙄😂. I don’t really like the boob shelf either 😂

I’ve got a full one up now, also not just headshots but of top half of me, nothing is filtered I have clothes on in them all, all taken in daylight

I’m on bumble. It feels better than the other apps

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