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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just seen email from DH to his ex

48 replies

youraveragemom · 27/08/2018 22:31

Saying he misses her. I have no fucking idea what to do. In fairness I am not shocked. He has a history of sexting and he has cheated on me once that I know and at least once that I have suspected. We have two young kids and we have just moved to a new State ( we're in the USA) and I don't know anyone here. God only knows why I've stayed with him so long...probably bc of the kids. I would never have put up with this before kids but now I feel like a doormat. He keeps doing shit like this and I keep forgiving him over and over. What the hell is wrong with me!

OP posts:
EgbertMustDie · 27/08/2018 22:33

Sorry to hear that Sad

Myheartbelongsto · 27/08/2018 22:34

nothing wrong with you.

i'd put him out with the rubbish op, he is no good.

PinkSmiles · 27/08/2018 22:34

Have no advice but that's a really horrible situation for you to be in Thanks
Sad

Original poster
youraveragemom · 27/08/2018 22:34

I know I should LTB but I am a full time stay at home mom and I haven't worked in over 5 years so I'm a bit stuck

OP posts:
Move2WY · 27/08/2018 22:35

You are not the problem here. Stop beating yourself ip.

runningscare · 27/08/2018 22:36

You have to tell him you've seen the email .... I am not saying leave ... but let him know you know!

backstreetboysareback · 27/08/2018 22:37

Confront him

Marmaladegin · 27/08/2018 22:38

I'm a sahm too. I understand your feelings, but you can't just stay with a philandering arsehole just because it's tough getting into the job market again. This is your life, not a practice go at it. Thanks

userxx · 27/08/2018 22:39

What you allow is what will continue. There are no consequences to his actions in his mind.

IdahoJones · 27/08/2018 22:39

Sounds like you're finally getting angry about this heap of shit

HelenaHB · 27/08/2018 22:40

I'm so sorry to hear this. Of all people, the ex - ugh. I'd get my ducks in a row before confronting him.

ForeverJung · 27/08/2018 22:41

Channel your anger in to planning.
You have identified your line. He crossed it. Finally. Brew

EverythingHappens4aReason · 27/08/2018 22:43

I'd definitely ask him about it. He needs to know you know. He needs to know it's not acceptable on any level. You need to be in control

Original poster
youraveragemom · 27/08/2018 22:53

You're all right. Thank you. I'm going to confront tonight.

OP posts:
Petalflowers · 27/08/2018 22:56

Hope you are okay and your discussion is going well.

Jackietheduck · 27/08/2018 23:12

Emailing might mean nothing at all. Sometimes it is completely meaningless and just an ego boost.

If he has cheated before, I understand it is not that simple..

Uncreative · 27/08/2018 23:20

Exactly what @Marmaladegin said!

Chocolate50 · 27/08/2018 23:25

well, sorry to say this but if he's cheated before he is likely to do it again, I think you deserve better than this, but you have to believe it yourself. Understandable that you would feel worried about leaving and having not worked for a while, but there will be help from people and organisations out there? Idk what there would be in your area but there will be mums that are newly single and in your position no doubt, let us know how it goes.

Singlenotsingle · 27/08/2018 23:28

You need to lay the groundwork for a swift exit because this is going nowhere...

IsabellaMoltisantixx · 28/08/2018 00:06

Can I just ask more about the email?
Is his ex complicit in this? As in, does she reply? Is there a email conversation going on?
Or is it just an email he has composed to ex?

Original poster
youraveragemom · 28/08/2018 00:49

It's just an email he sent to someone who he used to have as a fuck buddy. Sent at 9.30. Just an "I miss you". He's just got back. I confronted him and he said " it's inconsequential" and that he was masturbating and thought of her. Makes me feel sick to my stomach

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 28/08/2018 00:59

And that's supposed to make it better? Shock

Wow, what a turd.

Rebecca36 · 28/08/2018 01:05

He sounds quite repulsive! His behaviour is not acceptable.

Jackietheduck · 28/08/2018 01:08

What do you want to do OP?

Do you want to remain together and work at your marriage? Would he agree to counselling to earn your trust back? Would you be happy with that? How did you get past his affairs in the past?

He should not have sent her an email and I can only hazard a guess that his response was because he was caught off guard. It may have been nothing, just a stupid email that should never have been sent. I'm not defending him. I'm saying this because it sounds like you don't want to give up on your marriage. I may be wrong....

Nodnol · 28/08/2018 01:28

That’s disgusting behavior op, I’m so sorry.

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