Just seen email from DH to his ex

[youraveragemom]

Saying he misses her. I have no fucking idea what to do. In fairness I am not shocked. He has a history of sexting and he has cheated on me once that I know and at least once that I have suspected. We have two young kids and we have just moved to a new State ( we're in the USA) and I don't know anyone here. God only knows why I've stayed with him so long...probably bc of the kids. I would never have put up with this before kids but now I feel like a doormat. He keeps doing shit like this and I keep forgiving him over and over. What the hell is wrong with me!

He has cheated on you at least once, he's brushed this off. This is him.

Is this your life? Your dream? Can you keep putting up with this?

Is there nobody you could talk to or to get help/advice on how to cope if you left?

You do need to act in some way.

Make one definite change. Counselling. Move apart. Kick him out for a couple of months. He won’t listen to words only actions.

Inconsequential? That’s your feelings he’s talking about. Loyalty to you is inconsequential.

I know this as I’m in the exact situation. Sahm. Tried kicking him out.

I now know he has no loyalty or true respect for me as he can do it and I’ll always be there. I’ve no longer been there for a while and he can’t stop trying to get me back.

I still don’t trust him. Nor should you sadly.

Oh no, that's really unpleasant. Especially as that was his 'explanation' for why it looked bad. Does he have no shame?! No apology even?

So we've had a long talk - he's very apologetic and feels like shit for doing it. Talks about how he loves his family life blah blah and how it was all fantasy. I'm very confused

Yes this is him. Do you think counseling would help? He clearly has fantasies that aren't about me. So I'm not sure where to go with it

Yes this is him. Do you think counseling would help? He clearly has fantasies that aren't about me. So I'm not sure where to go with it

Yes this is him. Do you think counseling would help? He clearly has fantasies that aren't about me. So I'm not sure where to go with it

I think counselling would be worth a try. I'd try and have some counselling on your own too, try and build your confidence and self worth up, so you feel like you're not so trapped and have options.

Sod counselling. Get a job, save your money, get STD tested, make sure you know how to leave. Then leave.

Jesus Christ No counselling won't help. He's a filthy prick, no counsellor is going to fix that. Get counselling on your own op, and LTB.

Yeah, individual is great. Sod couples' counselling.

he was masturbating and thought of her and then he emailed her! that isn't inconsequential, its really shitty. Can you go back to the state you were living in so you have some support? if you don't know anyone where you are and don't work there I am assuming there cant be much keeping you there.

Definitely start making whatever steps you can to LTB. He sounds awful.

No reasonable minded person would think that telling your wife you’ve masturbated thinking about someone else and then emailed them is acceptable when you’re married.

If he was having a crisis and this was the first time he’d ever done something like this then yeah maybe councelling would work

However he’s done it before, he’s done it again, and he’ll probably do it in the future. I would get a job get my own money and start building a way out.

Do you think a councillor can wave some magic wand and turn this filthhound into a decent man? Stop bloody well clutching at straws so you won't have to face up to the truth which is that your marriage is well and truly over. This isn't your fault but life isn't fair. Many women find themselves in this situation and are forced to seek a divorce even though they would much prefer to carry on with the financial benefits of a marriage. Any man who behaves like this has well and truly checked out of his marriage. You could go on like this for years with him doing whatever he likes and you being ground into the dirt by his actions.
Do the right bloody thing by your children and face up to the truth.

Counselling always seems to be the go to answer on here. But I honestly don't think counselling can fix the way he's obviously feeling inside. Let's face it, he clearly wanted her to reply and meet up for a shag. That in my eyes is unforgivable.

Get yourself a job. Get yourself financially independent from him ASAP.

You know where this is going to end.

Get yourself a job. Get yourself financially independent from him ASAP.

You know where this is going to end.

I always recommend counselling but I wouldn't in this case. Why bother? His first response was the honest one, the apologies only came after he knew you weren't going to drop it. If you forgive him again you're giving him tacit permission to do it again imo.

What the hell is wrong with me!
You've lost sight of who you are and what you are prepared to put up with.
Your boundaries have been trounced and you've allowed that to happen.
He has had no consequences for his actions so why would he stop?
What's going to happen next time?? Nothing, is my guess.
So he will continue to do this.
You have to either put up, as you have been doing, on just turn a blind eye and carry on, or LTB and start to find yourself again.

Yeah he does what he likes as he knows you won't leave him. I agree maybe some councelling for yourself might be an idea as your self worth seems to be rather low. You deserve better than this.

I post this quite a lot on here.
Something you should consider.

The more chances you give someone
The less respect they’ll start to have for you.
They’ll begin to ignore the standards that you’ve set
Because they’ll know another chance will always be given.
They’re not afraid to lose you because
They know, no matter what, you won’t walk away.
They get comfortable with depending on your forgiveness.
Never let a person get comfortable disrespecting you!

@hellsbellsmelons So so true.