Can you get married but not live together?!

[potatoes13]

I've met a really fabulous man but he lives 30 miles away. We both have children at school in respective areas and can't move due to them being settled and would not want to disrupt this. Ex partners share the care on both sides and this obvious can't be altered!!! The relationship is serious with the possibility of commitment further down the line. Can we make this work? I'd love to marry this gorgeous man. Xxx

Yes, but this seems to be moving fast.

Why is your question not about future but about marriage?

Why not wait until you can live together.

You can do anything you like, if it’s legal.
Sounds like my idea of heaven, separate households.

Yes but it would be difficult in many respects such as emotional, physical & financial.

Long distance relationships are fine for a while but I don't think they're very practical long term.

Yes! You can do whatever works for you.

Personally though In your position I would just get engaged - and move in together when the kids move out. If they are already in secondary then it’s potentially only 5 years time!

I think i f more people did this rather than insist on blending already established families it would save a lot of hassle and heartache.

I agree nelly

How long have you known him?

My youngest is 3 so it would be ages before kids move out! 😬! Engaged would be fine though. Xx

8 months, but clicked and fell in love very quickly. Xxx

Could you not move in together half way between each ex? 30 miles isn't that far tbh

I think you'd be completely daft to marry a man you've never lived with and have only been with for well under a year. Ridiculous. What's the rush? Try and maintain some sort of stability for your children, that's more important here.

I'm not talking about getting married this year or next just wondering if it's feasible and anyone else has done it!!!! I'm not stupid!!!!! Xxx

If the youngest is 3 your kids are young enough to move schools!

I think you can commit to each other and plan for a future together without getting married though? I think from a legal point of view marriage is useful protection when you're merging your lives together but in your case when your lives are going to remain somewhat separate I think it's unnecessary and if you were to break up it would just complicate things. Can you eventually move in together then think about marriage?

I have a relative who lived with her boys and her husband lived in a flat close by. They didn't claim any benefits but because their teens were in trouble it affected his mental health badly. She used to stay at their flat at weekends. Once the boys moved out they sold the flat and have lived under the same roof ever since.

Well yes of course you can but i would try not to dwell on it.

I think it's brilliant not asking children to cope with someone else moving in.

Take legal advice, you may find it impacts on your children's future, tax position etc

I know 2 couples that are happily married but keep 2 homes. It is usually cost that prevents it.
I’d love 2 houses tbh-we have separate master bedrooms but a whole house would be amazing!

But 30 miles is nothing-surely you could live together at some point somewhere equidistant? I drive that far to work! It’s not like 300 miles.

You can - I did as we worked in different parts of the country. But I had lived with DH previously and there were no children involved. We moved in together 9 months after getting married.

whskeysourpuss I've been in a long term long distance relationship with my DP for 10 years - we each have our own homes and stay with each other frequently. It can work - we don't want to get married though cos he'd lose his widower's pension!

In that case, I don't see the need to concern yourself. 30 miles isn't far at all, live somewhere in the middle. Job done.

You do realise that a marriage is a legal contract that makes you equal partners, don't you? It's not something to do when you're in a romantic mood!

You can, but why would you? It entirely misses the point. Why not wait until you've known him for more than five minutes before considering anything else?