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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Daughter Came To Stay

32 replies

TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 01:28

Hi All.
Please be gentle with me as this is my first post but I feel I need get some feedback if possible.
My Daughter who Is 18 years old has come to stay with me and my partner of 10 years for 6 weeks over the summer. So far this has been amazing for me as it has been my first chance of having a real family due to my daughter never staying for longer than 2 weeks.
My partner and I did not want any more children as we felt we were too old and both have children of our own which are grown up.

Anyway my partner is kind of a health freak where food is concerned and I love her cooking but my daughter who does like most of what she makes sometimes just needs a break and a doughnut or two..
(My daughter is so slim its untrue just so you know and only just a Size 8) My partner hates the fact that my daughter may have Bran Flakes for breakfast then doughnuts for a snack and not eat her evening meal but then my daughter will eat fruit in the evening.

This has become such a problem that me and my partner are arguing and I think its so stupid. My partner even said to me tonight that she cant be healthy as I am washing her clothes and she is finding alot of my daughters hair mixed in with her clothes. WTF is all that bullshit. I have told my partner that she is 18 years old and thin as a rake she needs to eat healthy but dont force it on her.

This has led to a massive argument and my daughter leaves in a week I feel my daughter dreads every meal to see what my missus will turn up with for food. My daughter suffers from anxiety also and this cant help.I have been with my partner for 10 years almost and I am wondering If i would just be better off single sometimes as she seems to get so mad over such simple little things..

OP posts:
Original poster
TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 01:31

Can I ask is it normal for a healthy persons hair to constantly come out or has my partner got a point. ?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 26/08/2018 01:31

Not so much 'health freak' as 'obsessive control freak'.

No one gets to tell your daughter what she is allowed to eat. You need to stand up for her. Being thin isn't the goal BTW. Your DD gets to decide what she wants for her body.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/08/2018 01:31

Oh and I'm blonde and we famously shed like nobody's business.

Fishface77 · 26/08/2018 01:33

So everything was fine when your daughter came for 2 weeks but now she’s coming for 6 your missus is being a knob?
Does she behave like this with you?
Such a joyless way to live.

SmellMyBeads · 26/08/2018 01:36

Your partner sounds jealous. You should stand your ground and let it be known that your daughter can eat whatever the hell she wants. Let her eat her healthy shit.

Don't let her come between you and your daughter.

Ps. I shed hair like a dog. It happens!

SmellMyBeads · 26/08/2018 01:38

Also your daughter is an adult. Nobody should be telling her what to eat unless there are serious issues and she might need help. Shock

another20 · 26/08/2018 01:38

LTB

MissYeti · 26/08/2018 01:39

The hair thing is totally normal. As weird as it is, humans moult too.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/08/2018 01:40

I have great hair. And a series of friends following me around picking hairs off me.

DPotter · 26/08/2018 01:47

I loose a good handful of hair every morning when I brush my hair and more throughout the day. Always have - come rain, shine, pregnancy and menopause. I don't have bald patches and I have thick hair. Drives my DP mad when I forget to remove the hair from the plughole in the shower. So it is certainly possible to loose a lot of hair and it have nothing to do with diet, be it a healthy or an unhealthy one. My sister and my DD are the same.

Your DP needs to lighten up. Yes - for those of us who struggle with our weight, having a teenager in the house who can eat you out of house and home and still be in a size 8 is a bit miff. I have to say I don't have much time for the 'Food Police' - like Fishface says - not a lot of joy.
Ask your DP to let her irritation go for this last week. Maybe get your daughter to cook you all a meal.
I hope the last week with your daughter is a good one.

ferrier · 26/08/2018 01:56

Yup. Another blonde and loads of my hair around the house. The Hoover rollers have it tightly wound around.

Partner needs to let go. It's not her child. Said 'child' is 18. And even if she needed to watch her diet, nagging her about it is not the way to go.
Can't your partner see that she is being unhelpful at best and potentially damaging at worst. Or does she not care .... ?

Original poster
TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 01:58

Thank you Ladies for your response, You must understand that me and her mum split when she was only 1 years old due to her having post natal depression and she moved away quite along way away to be honest but I have always carried on with my duties as a dad and paid everything etc and made sure I saw my daughter every 2 weeks.
This 6 weeks has brought me and my daughter so close together I think this is why I snapped and had a go at my partner and told her to cut her some slack shes just 18 but my partner says shes a woman not a child. Tonight really opened my eyes and im supposed to be going on a 3 week holiday with this person soon..

OP posts:
SD1978 · 26/08/2018 02:01

Your daughters diet, if that's everyday, does sound unhealthy. Bran flakes, a donut, and then fruit in the evening? Is that everyday? If your partner is concerned with good nutrition- she has a point as that's not a sustainable diet- coupled with your daughter being barely a size 8- so smaller she may be worried regarding an eating disorder. However- I doubt trying to force feed her and getting shorty with you will make any meaningful difference. Maybe talk to her mother, If genuinely concerned. Hair loss can be a sign of being underweight, but also can mean nothing.

Original poster
TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 02:09

Thanks for your reply but she defo has no eating disorder. She just sometimes fancies some junk food as most teenagers do.
When shes back at home she works in quite a demanding job and eats well its just with her being up at her Dads shes not as active.I agree her eating is not as it should be but its not a constant thing.

OP posts:
Original poster
TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 02:19

Also SD1978 I have no contact with her mum anymore and my daughter does not have the best home life. Her step dad is a total DICK her mum is sucked into his ways of home life and my daughter only seems to stay because of her young brother who she loves dearly and her job which she loves. She does not want to go home to be honest but she loves loves her job and brother...

OP posts:
auntethel · 26/08/2018 02:22

What little things does your partner get mad about and why are you worried about going on holiday with her? Should be something you look forward to?

auntethel · 26/08/2018 02:26

Sorry, I'm not ignoring the dd issue. It's just that other pp's are advising there. I just wondered about the other things you mentioned?

LMDC · 26/08/2018 02:26

Your partner sounds like an absolute nightmare. Your daughter is a grown woman and is perfectly capable of deciding what and when she eats - your girlfriend needs to mind her own business.

Make sure your daughter knows you've got her back, especially if her mum doesn't have her back at home.

Original poster
TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 02:41

Hi again thank you for your replies. LMDC my daughter knows I have always got her back that's mostly the reason I am on here.

I have spent 18 years travelling up and down the M6 to see my daughter and I am not gonna let anyone tell my daughter how to live her life.

Thanks for your kind & Stern words Good night all and thank you for your input and Helpxxx

OP posts:
Original poster
TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 02:46

Auntethel

I dont really want to go into other things just incase my daughters mum realises who the converstion is about or my partner as I know my ex uses this site so thanks for your concern xxx

OP posts:
auntethel · 26/08/2018 02:54

Ok, wasn't being noseySmile just trying to help. My dd (in her 20's) had some hair loss when she suffered anxiety. She's ok now. Maybe your dd is similar.

Original poster
TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 03:06

I am sorry auntethel I dont know what DD means or anything else like that. I am sure you was not being Nosey and thanks for your help & concern. I am just a simple dad that wants to look after my daughter and not fall out with the person I love. It may seem strange given how bad I may of made my partner to sound over these previous posts but she is such a lovely person and I know her intentions are good but when you are in the middle sometimes its hard. But given a choice I would be sat here with my daughter and her stepmum would be getting a Taxi xxx

OP posts:
KickAssAngel · 26/08/2018 03:23

Can you and your daughter (DD) go out for food together sometimes? Can your partner cope with that?

Your partner sounds quite tightly wound - possibly anxious. Hopefully you can find a way to make things work for a few weeks. Try to avoid arguments, and find a good time to chat with your partner about your daughter being an adult with a right to choose (even if she makes bad choices) and that it's important she feels welcome & relaxed in your home.

Original poster
TallDad1974 · 26/08/2018 03:28

I dont think I have explained this well enough. There is no problems at all with all of our relationships.
Me and my daughter went out only today for a lovely day together just us and my partner was fine with it and was happy that my daughter had got out of the house she went to work.
Its only the food part of this everything else is rosy thanks x

OP posts:
auntethel · 26/08/2018 03:54

It's surprising how mealtimes can sometimes cause issues though. I've seen it a few times here on MN. If everything else is ok, then I wouldn't worry about it Talldad. It'll pass. And I also think don't worry about your daughter's hair. As other posters have said, thats quite common. Hope your daughter gets better from her anxiety. My daughter did (about the same age actually)

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