Daughter Came To Stay

[TallDad1974]

Hi All.
Please be gentle with me as this is my first post but I feel I need get some feedback if possible.
My Daughter who Is 18 years old has come to stay with me and my partner of 10 years for 6 weeks over the summer. So far this has been amazing for me as it has been my first chance of having a real family due to my daughter never staying for longer than 2 weeks.
My partner and I did not want any more children as we felt we were too old and both have children of our own which are grown up.

Anyway my partner is kind of a health freak where food is concerned and I love her cooking but my daughter who does like most of what she makes sometimes just needs a break and a doughnut or two..
(My daughter is so slim its untrue just so you know and only just a Size 8) My partner hates the fact that my daughter may have Bran Flakes for breakfast then doughnuts for a snack and not eat her evening meal but then my daughter will eat fruit in the evening.

This has become such a problem that me and my partner are arguing and I think its so stupid. My partner even said to me tonight that she cant be healthy as I am washing her clothes and she is finding alot of my daughters hair mixed in with her clothes. WTF is all that bullshit. I have told my partner that she is 18 years old and thin as a rake she needs to eat healthy but dont force it on her.

This has led to a massive argument and my daughter leaves in a week I feel my daughter dreads every meal to see what my missus will turn up with for food. My daughter suffers from anxiety also and this cant help.I have been with my partner for 10 years almost and I am wondering If i would just be better off single sometimes as she seems to get so mad over such simple little things..

PS. You sound like a great dad.

Is your dp going to the effort of cooking for your dd only to be told some evenings that she’s not hungry (because she had a doughnut earlier in the day )?

If so I can see why she might be a little pissed off. If I had house guests who were routinely erratic over whether they were eating over the course of six weeks I might get a little exasperated especially as i’d gone to the effort of meal planning around them.

If your dd has been with you guys for six weeks and that is all your dp is getting upset by then I actually don’t see the issue. Having house guests is exhausting. She’s your dd, you love her as a dad should, and therefore are probably not experiencing the level of strain that your dp, who is not her mother, (and I’m sure is very fond of her and may even love her) might be feeling by now.

It’s just another opinion op.

If your dp is just being dictatorial for the sake of being dictatorial then yes I agree she has no right to interfere with your dds diet.

However it sounds like she is being expected to do all her cooking and laundry etc so perhaps she feels she’s getting a bit of a rough deal and you guys are ganging up on her a bit? Perhaps she feels that she can’t criticise as you rush to your dd’s defence all the time? I dunno op; all I do k ow is that teenagers are hard work and if I had one living with me that wasn’t mine, for six weeks, I’d be feeling some strain.

(And lord knows I find six weeks of having my own in the house hard work!)

What an uncomfortable position to be in, OP. You really do need to convince your partner to back off, because you risk your dd not wanting to return to visit.

A friend of mine last visited her brother twelve years ago as her SIL found her so irritating when she last stayed there. They keep on inviting her and she just makes excuses.

My hair comes out so much and so does my daughters. That's natural. It's not right that your partner is obsessing over your daughters food intake. She's 18 and she does eat healthy foods but has other foods too. What's the problem with that?! I have a doughnut or a cookie if I want one. I couldn't stand it if someone was constantly criticising what I eat. Your daughter won't want to come again!!

The hair loss is normal. I am sure I used to loose more hair when I was younger. Think it can be due to hormones which is normal for a teenager and will not be due to a few doughnuts. It's pretty normal for teenagers to eat some junk food. I guess you don't mean all she eats in a day is bran flakes, doughnuts and fruit as think that's what some others have interpreted. Anyway it's her choice what she eats. She isn't only eating junk so not really a problem I would say.

Technically your partner sounds as though they are right however with all things it's often in the delivery. Your DD is 18 - just let her be and tell your partner to stop going on on about her diet. Your DD is not in a receptive place and it's ruining your relationship.