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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner left me

38 replies

marie2006 · 25/08/2018 15:35

My partner of 8 years left me for another women He met online 2 weeks previous. He said he was going to work and never come back, he ghosted me for 3 days I managed to get hold of him he said he is not in love with me anymore, but there's no other women turns out there is as she called me last week he went there and never come back.
He was step dad to my kids youngest had known him as a dad from age 3 his 11 now his not even said bye to them and has ignored them.
I'm deverstated and can't stop thinking about it. I got friends who are supportive but feel like I'm prob going to annoy them with this.
How do I ever move on.

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 25/08/2018 15:42

So sorry to hear this Flowers

Do you honestly believe him about the 'meeting 2 weeks ago'?

Original poster
marie2006 · 25/08/2018 15:45

She told me she met him on a dating site 2 weeks previous to them meeting for the first time on 28th July, I honest don't know what to believe anymore

OP posts:
Mum1g2b · 25/08/2018 15:45

It's hard but you will move on but I completely understand you don't feel like you will just yet.

My fiance left me 4 weeks ago. He was step dad to my 2 older kids and we have a 6 month old together. He didnt say bye either although they wouldnt want to speak to him now. It was completely out of the blue. I thought we were happy but apparently he wasn't.

The first 3 weeks were really hard, I would constantly cry and think how I could get him back, blamed myself, begged him etc etc.

This week has been better, I still have moments but they are less and I can now see he's behaved like a shit and still is and wouldn't take him back now. I don't know what the future holds and that's scary but I can see I'm better off without him.

You will get there too. Focus on sorting the practical stuff, it gives you a purpose. Get legal advice. Look after the kids and most of all look after yourself. Posting on here helped me lots too x

MaryandMichael · 25/08/2018 15:48

He's a rat, isn't he? You're better off without him. Live minute to minute and fill up your time with busy-ness and with things to do with your children. There's no rush to move on. He's treated you really badly. Acknowledge it. This phase will pass eventually.

Orange6904 · 25/08/2018 15:49

Sorry for what you are going through x Mine left me out of the blue, he said it was 2 weeks and it had been months. The whole time I was recovering from surgery basically.

I feel the same as you like I'm annoying people in real life with it, it is really good to reach out and talk, people on here have a lot of advice and have helped me a lot. You will feel a lot of different emotions as it is a big shock.

Original poster
marie2006 · 25/08/2018 15:59

Thank You and sorry to those going through this as well, im trying to keep busy I have a constant knot in my stomach that won't go away I never saw it coming and can't believe he would have treated me this way. I'm just lost. X

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 25/08/2018 16:06

I don't know what kind of person just walks away like that. A total coward he is.

I hope the OW realises this could be her in the future. Anyone who would be with a man who just walked away like that has issues of their own.

People are free to leave relationships when they want...but just be decent about it.

Orange6904 · 25/08/2018 16:07

Yeah that's how I felt @marie2006 I think it's adrenaline, you probably won't want to eat and can survive on little sleep when you have the adrenaline surging. It's a rug that's been pulled from under you, it's really shocking. One bit of good advice I got was to keep busy but give yourself a set bit of time every day to think about it or write your feelings down, I think it gives your mind a bit of a rest.

Original poster
marie2006 · 25/08/2018 17:21

That's exactly how I feel and still think im in shock. He hasn't picked up his stuff yet and his mum won't respond to my text to ask if I can drop it off.
Thing is I don't want no contact with him and I got to look at all his stuff packed it's crazy how inconsiderate his being.

OP posts:
Orange6904 · 25/08/2018 19:49

Yeah @marie2006 that's what mine did, he still has a few boxes here. Doesn't turn up when he says he will. It is really inconsiderate, no thought at all. My friend at work said it could be they just don't want to face it. It's not fair though, the least they can do is take their stuff and let you start to pick yourself up. It's painful being around all the stuff, like sitting in the bloody ashes of your relationship every day.

I put away anything painful, any photos or sentimental stuff, gifts etc. Put it in a bag, not looking in there again for a long time.

Maybe give him a date to pick it up by?

Original poster
marie2006 · 26/08/2018 08:16

I will give it till Tuesday if I don't hear nothing I may dump it outside his mum's house.

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 26/08/2018 09:29

I'd pack up his stuff and take it over to his Mum's when you know she will be in and dump it there. Shout through the letterbox if you have too then go home and change the locks. IT is easier when you don't have to look at their things all the time. Not much easier, but a bit.

Namethecat · 26/08/2018 09:35

Yes I'm another who would say text him/his mother and tell them you are taking it to her house on xxx day and just leave it in her garden. Another absolute must do is change the lock on your house.

Penfold007 · 26/08/2018 09:46

I'd load up your car with his stuff in boxes or bin bags this morning. Drive round to his mum's house and dump it by the front door. Then drive home via B&Q or similar, buy a new lock and fit this afternoon. Then block him and his family from your phone etc.
Tomorrow is the start of a new week, one without the baggage of this awful man.

ClemDanfango · 26/08/2018 09:48

I’m sorry this is happening to you and your children, any man who can act with such cowardice and disregard for the people he’s supposed to love isn’t worth your time or your tears. I understand feelings change and people fall out of love but be a man for fuck sake and own your shit!
To just ghost you and ignore your children is despicable and shows what type of person he is deep down, in other words someone you don’t want around your kids or you.
Definitely take his stuff to his mums, erase the prick from your life.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 26/08/2018 09:51

Hi OP. I split up with ex of 23 years last month. I was partly to blame and he wasn't making me happy - and I saw it coming to an extent . DC are young adults and are overall ok with it. So my situation maybe not as bad as yours but even still, it's really hard. As others have said, keep occupied and take each day as it comes. There will be good and bad. I went through a week of being as if I was bi polar (No offence to those with this diagnosis meant,) in the sense that t I would feel ridiculously happy one day then crushing, weeping sadness the next. It's a cliche but you just have to wait for time to heal.

Is he staying at his mum's? I'm not convinced it should be you sorting out his shit with his mum - it should be him. What I did was bag up everything and move some stuff round so I could put it all in one cupboard and then not open that cupboard so I don't need to look at it. Is that an option for the time being?

TheFaerieQueene · 26/08/2018 09:52

Based on his mother’s behaviour, it sounds like that particular rotten apple didn’t fall far from the tree.

What a bastard.

Summer1978 · 26/08/2018 09:58

It's horrible but you will get through it. Like a pp said live minute to minute in the first two weeks I constantly had my the timer on my phone set for 15 minutes and would keep myself busy for those minutes just to get through the day.

Take the stuff to his mums - message her first and tell her you are bringing it even if she doesn't answer then they can't accuse you of just dumping his stuff.

Then change your home if you have a bit of spare cash paint your bedroom or just change the furniture around swap the photos in the frames and buy some new bedding that is just yours.
Give yourself a treat every night like a box set that has no connection to him.

I also used to do daft stuff with the dc like he hated Chinese food so we ordered a huge takeaway and ate it watching a film.

Basically just change your whole routine and in few weeks you will be fine Thanks

Orange6904 · 26/08/2018 14:32

@marie2006 how are you today? Brew

Original poster
marie2006 · 26/08/2018 17:50

@Sausage still feel the same can't stop thinking about it
I think his living with this ow tbh his defo not with his mum.
I have messaged her she won't respond, I haven't done anything wrong so really don't know why
Thankyou for all the good advice here for some reason me referring back to this thread is actually helping. X

OP posts:
Original poster
marie2006 · 26/08/2018 17:52

Also I changed the locks already because im keeping his tv don't want him sneaking in when im at work either

OP posts:
LouHotel · 26/08/2018 17:57

Why on earth did the OW contact you? To rub it in.

If you are financially split then I would go no contact as it sounds like him and the OW are thriving on it. Grey rock from you will mean they have no excitement in their relationship and i doubt it will last.

Thinkingofausername1 · 26/08/2018 18:05

I guess his mother could be embarrassed and not sure whether to get involved.
I think it's definitely gone on longer than two weeks. How can you know if you love someone so soon? Definitely change your locks as someone else advised Thanks

Orange6904 · 26/08/2018 18:18

Sounds like you are quite strong and taking action with the locks etc. Maybe his mum doesn't know what to say, were you close to her? x

Original poster
marie2006 · 26/08/2018 18:54

No not close she's always been a bit stand offish with me.
When the ow called she said they met on a dating site called heaven looks more of a sex site to me.
They were talking for 2 weeks online and met for the first time on 28th July sounds ridiculous to me but yes I think She done it to be nasty.

OP posts: