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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Partner left me

38 replies

marie2006 · 25/08/2018 15:35

My partner of 8 years left me for another women He met online 2 weeks previous. He said he was going to work and never come back, he ghosted me for 3 days I managed to get hold of him he said he is not in love with me anymore, but there's no other women turns out there is as she called me last week he went there and never come back.
He was step dad to my kids youngest had known him as a dad from age 3 his 11 now his not even said bye to them and has ignored them.
I'm deverstated and can't stop thinking about it. I got friends who are supportive but feel like I'm prob going to annoy them with this.
How do I ever move on.

OP posts:
Orange6904 · 26/08/2018 19:36

Could be longer than that sorry to say, I was told 2 weeks as well when it had started back in Feb some time.

Original poster
marie2006 · 26/08/2018 20:54

I think had it have been longer she would have take great pleasure in telling me that it's how she come accross

OP posts:
Orange6904 · 26/08/2018 21:02

Well if it's been 2 weeks sounds like they are both being very selfish and immature, how can they know each other?

BlueEyedBengal · 26/08/2018 21:53

Hope you are all feeling ok going through the same thing as you but with 29yrs of marriage and 6 kids. He left 2 weeks ago and left us with no money low in food and no internet and house or mobile phone for 4 days. he returned after I threatened to report him to the council and child tax credits. He told me I needed to learn my place and how useless I am on my own. But now I am stocking up the food and money so when he leaves soon as he has threatened I will be able to function while I sort things out. He has cut me off for so long but no longer I feel nothing for him now. He out every night and weekends. Ho he also took the 2 cars as they are in his name. There is no way he can leave us with nothing and cut off with no money after 29 yrs off marriage and also go drinking with an ex while I have been at home with his children and never goes out.

Orange6904 · 26/08/2018 22:02

What a horrible thing to say about learning your place. Ugh. Sorry to hear what has happened, that's low.

BlueEyedBengal · 26/08/2018 22:25

4 of my children are age 10 to age 5 so what he has done is to try to put me back down under control. It's backfired as it's made me stronger. I was told by w a that just because he has never hit me doesn't mean that I have not been abused control financial and emotionally and being told that you are a useless and pointless human and your opinion being ignored. Enough is enough.

Orange6904 · 26/08/2018 22:34

You might want to make a separate thread for your story @Blueeyedbengal so people who have been through a similar situation can give you help and advice if you need.

BlueEyedBengal · 27/08/2018 00:52

Tempting, but I have done a lot of homework on this, the plan is in action. I have my mother advising me on financial things and I have a list of actions that are in motion. If I get a wobble moment then I will do that. The kids will be back at school soon so I will see about finding legal advice as he has said he is going just make sure I have a safety net waiting for me and the kids from the fallout.

BlueEyedBengal · 27/08/2018 00:54

Stay strong o p hope tomorrow is a good day for youThanks

blueskiespls · 27/08/2018 07:44

@marie2006 Hi Marie, my husband left after 12 years together. I had young girls at the time. This was a couple of years ago. I think my advice would be to not assume you will get over it really quickly. Enjoy the 'good' days you have and when you have a bad day or a panic then go with it and know it will pass at some point. I changed a lot of stuff in the house. Just little things like new bedding and cusions. I painted the hallway pink! (Well my dad did for me!) and enjoyed being spontaneous with my girls. If we wanted to go to the beach after school for chips we did it! No planning just did what we fancy.

Not sure on your situation with the house legally etc but get advice on that so you know where you stand.

And finally about his things? I would leave them at his mothers.

One other thing, with everything I went through (he had another women, a mum at the schoolAngry) I acted like an adult, calmly did things (even though inside i was shaking with anger and sadness) didn't make an idiot of myself for the sake of the girls. It's paid off in the long run.

Best of Luck x

LindseyKola · 27/08/2018 07:47

So sorry you’re in so much pain ☹️

I know you said you didn’t want to go no contact with him but once practicalities are sorted out I really really would advise considering that route. You’ll be able to heal much faster if you’re not consuant reopening the wound with contact.

Funicorn · 27/08/2018 08:00

Summer1978 Basically just change your whole routine and in few weeks you will be fine

Really ???? I hate to be a downer on this but it takes more than a few weeks !

OP this is unexpected - this is terrible . It is awful . It is sudden and it is shocking . I have been there . You will be up and down and all over the place for a long time .Talk to your friends - believe me good friends rally round in a situation like this and some friends become even better ones . Behaviour like this by your partner is the lowest of the low. It causes you to question yourself as you have not had the chance for any talk . He will act like a knob because he is ashamed and guilty deep down but is pretending to himself that he is not . He's not a decent man .One day you WILL be very glad that he has gone . Someone said that to me and I didn't believe them . It is now true.

BTW it could well be that his mother is ashamed of him or doesn't want involved . Good luck with it all . Don't expect miracles but you will get there .

Original poster
marie2006 · 27/08/2018 22:49

Thank You everyone for the great advice it really helps loving the encouragement im getting
Surprisingly I've had a not bad day fingers crossed for the same tomoz xx

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