Arrgghh, I need some space from my mil

[ZoeRose81]

Arrrrgggghhhh just arrrrgggghhhh.
I am a very happy mummy of three, two boys and a very new baby girl. My husbands mum lives in Australia but is umming and ahhing about moving back. She has been living in our small house for 4 MONTHS - taking up the whole of my maternity leave so far. I am pathologically averse to conflict so perpetually find myself pandering to everyone else’s whims and feel now totally out of control of my own life and I don’t want the endless ‘suggestions’ and ‘help.’ I just want my life back. I just want some time with my husband and family. She recently went on a five-day mini break, during which time I actually had a chance to experience a natural family situation and spend some beautiful, quality time with my hub and babies. Consequently, my mood has hit the floor since she’s back. I’m experiencing an ‘accuse stress reaction’ (like a mild panic attack, but one that lasts for hours) and am literally going to have to drug myself to get through the next few weeks. I think my husband thinks I’m being melodramatic and will not tolerate me trying to let off steam or explain how utterly terrible I feel. My hands are shaking as I sit hear and type this as she’s sitting just across from my holding my middle son. I could cry.

I'd take the baby and leave tbh. If my MIL stayed with me for more than a week she would end up dead. Your DH is being really nasty and uncaring.

There is no way I would put up with that. Leave until she goes. Make him choose between his mother or his family. She’s been there long enough.

I know exactly how you feel, I recently had my husbands family staying for 3 weeks and it was actual torture.

I’ve never cried so much as I did in those 3 weeks, it seriously affected my mental health.

You’re not being unreasonable at all, it’s awful having someone in your house all the time.

I so feel for you
You poor thing.
Please try to open up.
Can she stay with another child or go to an air bnb

take kids and go tell him he needs to soeak to his mum and tell her to leave.

I couldn’t live with my mil for a weekend yet alone 4 months! Your dh needs to have words and if he won’t you should ask her to leave. That’s too long for anyone!

Would he want your dm living with him for 4 months. I presume there is an end date here.
There is no way my dh could stick his own dm for that length and they got on great. Its not even fair to the dc.

I'm going through the same but the other way round. DP, DD and me have been living with MIL for 3 months while we're in between houses.

It's torture!!

cheers x

Thanks everyone. I think I just needed a bit of confidence that it’s not just me being unreasonable or selfish. Husband is a good, loyal man and doesn’t want to hurt his mum’s feelings; he just genuinely can’t see why this would be so hard to cope with. She’s going back in a couple of weeks and I’ve had the courage to say that I can’t do more than 2 months in the future. Already worried that, because of this experience, even that will be hard. Will be savouring every second of my final 3 months of precious precious leave x

Even 2 months is much too long. I dont know how you've coped. Do your family live close?

She is ruining your maternity leave - honestly, OP, you need to get all your strength together and either leave yourself or tell your husband that she has to go. There's no alternative - he has a choice.

Tricky for expats, though. How do most people manage?8 mm mr

My mum is not far and has actually given me back my old house key so I can escape if I need to. Trouble is, I feel so conspicuous in trying now to be out all the time. I’ve been shut in our bedroom for three hours with new baby just to try and keep calm. I’m torn between worrying that I’m being rude and being pissed off that no one seems to care about being disrespectful of my needs. So envious of assertive people!!!

I suppose you can't really ask her to leave if she has a flight booked. Can you suddenly remember a long standing arrangement to stay with a friend? Can you develop a mystery illness and ask her to take the older children out for days while you rest?

2 months is FAR too long.

I'd say 2 weeks is fair to be honest!

Your needs are equally as important as your husbands, he needs to listen to you and compromise.

4 months she's been there 4 months

Think maybe it's time to pull her flight ticket forward

Her other son is less than an hour away, but his wife is a bit obsessive, so she doesn’t like to put them out (WHAAAAAAAT)

They are going to have to step up a lot more next time so I can get some respite.

Again, thanks everyone. You’re giving me some much needed perspective.

You need to be a bit more difficult, then the other son will seem more attractive

So your DSiL is more assertive. Has wised up and put her foot down.

Ask her for lessons.

Go and visit your DM whenever it gets too much?

Your DSIL has obviously put her foot down. Time for you to do the same.

Doesn't want to put them out, but is quite happy to inconvenience the woman with the NEWBORN BABY! Fucks sake, just bloody rude.

I'd be sneaking out to your old house quite often.

I really wonder when family come and stay this long...they must know it's a big inconvenience.

You need to emulate your DSIL - 4 months! Jesus.

Stop worrying about seeming rude.

Do what is right for you. You will never get this time back.