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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Taking a break from DH at my dad's but what's my excuse?

33 replies

gummychops · 24/08/2018 20:21

So, to cut a long story short, things have come to a head with DH after months/years of arguing & it's make or break. I'm going to visit my dad for weekend with the two kids ( two & a half & 5 months). I've decided not to come back home on Sun eve, & to tell my husband I need a break, in the hope that he'll come to his senses in our absence....

I don't want my dad to become involved in the sorry state of my crappy marriage. I'd rather not tell him the truth, and come up with an excuse as to why I'm not returning to marital home for a week ir two... Something like "next door are having building work done & baby can't sleep" or "gas leak on the street" or ??? Any other ideas please, as my dad isn't daft..... Thanks.

OP posts:

bigchris · 24/08/2018 20:24

I'd tell the truth to be honest

He'll guess anyway

What is the issue ?

bigchris · 24/08/2018 20:25

With your husband I mean, we might be able to advise {{{{hugs}}}}}

frustratedashell · 24/08/2018 20:26

I agree, tell him the truth. Do you not want him to know cos he'll interfere?

Haffdonga · 24/08/2018 20:29

Can't you tell your dad what you've told us? You've been arguing for months, You're hoping your H will see sense but don't think he will and you need a break.

As you say, your dad isn't daft . So why lie?

C0untDucku1a · 24/08/2018 20:31

See sense about whT?

Original poster

gummychops · 24/08/2018 20:38

I don't want to tell my dad that myself & DH are having marital problems. Once I've said it he'll never forget, & either be constantly worried or wary of my DH. I don't want that, just in case myself & DH manage to sort things out.

OP posts:

AJPTaylor · 24/08/2018 21:03

I get you.
Is your dads local to your house?

LouHotel · 24/08/2018 21:06

I would just say that with a 5 month old you need a change of scenery for a bit.

I did that with mine anyway while on maternity.

I do think it's ok to be open about marital problems, it's a lifetime commitment and sometimes an outside perspective can help - bit you know your dad.

MrsLandingham · 24/08/2018 21:07

Your dad will guess anyway, but he will let you stay because he is your dad. Mine had kept tactfully schtum for years about what he saw - it all came out when XH and I divorced. I'm getting quite weepy now about how wonderful my dad was.

adaline · 24/08/2018 21:29

Your dad will know the truth regardless of what you say. He's your dad and he'll love you regardless

bigchris · 24/08/2018 21:34

That makes sense, yes just say you need a little break, change of scenery

SandyY2K · 24/08/2018 22:52

I'd go with building works next door. I totally understand you not wanting to say anything to your dad. ...but what will you say to your DH? That you need space? Is your intention for him to see how hard it is on his own and doing things for himself?

Original poster

gummychops · 24/08/2018 23:48

My dad is lovely but I just don't want to go down that road yet. He's 73. Once I've told him my marriage is unhappy & on the rocks he's going to worry.

OP posts:

Original poster

gummychops · 24/08/2018 23:56

I've already told my dad that my husband is working this weekend, & that's why he's not visiting. I just need a plausible excuse as to why I'm staying on for a week...

OP posts:

Original poster

gummychops · 25/08/2018 00:01

I think my DH just needs to realise how serious things are between us. I'm hoping/wishing/praying that if he has a week or two by himself, he'll realise what he is jeopardising by acting like a twat...

OP posts:

Ohyesiam · 25/08/2018 00:01

Do t mention unhappy or on the rocks , just say you need a break/ change of scenery.
If you start talking gas leaks/ builders he’ll know you’re insulting his intelligence.
Just give him an
Outline then say you want a break from it , not to talk about it if he brings it up again.

Original poster

gummychops · 25/08/2018 00:04

That's unfair actually, he's not a twat. He's just breaking my heart, the way he's being towards me.

OP posts:

2littleguineas · 25/08/2018 00:11

Can you say your husband has to work away longer or even long days and you'd like to stay longer for a bit of a change from your usual four walls?
I'd say you're over thinking it a little, surely it's plausible enough that you'd like to take the opportunity for a change of scene when you're normally stuck at home with two small kids.

Can I just whisper gently that if your marriage is in trouble for years having children wasn't the ideal scenario so maybe you should bear this in mind if you feel broody again.

snowsun · 25/08/2018 00:13

I'd tell your dad that the your husband can't get the time off work but thought it would be a lovely treat for the kids to to see you and to break the boredom of the school hols up.

marants · 25/08/2018 00:17

Turn it around. Don't give a reason why you want to leave, give a reason why you want to stay with your dad. Good for the children to see more of him etc.

sosickofthisshit · 25/08/2018 00:31

I would just tell the truth. I'm sure your dad isn't stupid and will know something is wrong anyway.

AnyFucker · 25/08/2018 00:39

What lesson are you trying to teach your partner by removing absolutely all his responsibilities ?

I would have a break by myself and leave him with the kids. You do realise he is going to order take out, live in his underpants and have a high old time wanking to 20yo on the internet don't you ?

You are wasting your valuable time

Changedname220 · 25/08/2018 00:46

Ok and what happens if he doesn’t come to his senses?

Do you not think your husband may appear at your dads to see you / talk to you. Or you will be dealing with phone calls from him .

bourbonbiccy · 25/08/2018 00:50

I like the idea of giving him a reason you want to stay rather than a reason for not going home, I would just say DH is working loads and great time for kids to be with grandad and a nice change of scenery for you

Original poster

gummychops · 25/08/2018 03:22

DH working Mon-Fri. I'm on maternity leave. It's still going to be very obvious & unusual if I stay home with the 2 kids (in the countryside) at my dad's & leave husband on his own (in the city, 2 hours away)

OP posts:

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