Does your DP/DH shout?

[Daisymae2019]

When arguing does he ever shout a lot? Call you names, try to talk over you?How are the arguments like in your household?

We try not to shout, because it doesn't get anyone anywhere. I also have a zero tolerance policy on swearing, and if he does swear at me, he receives a look that tells him in no uncertain terms to go away and come back when he can say something constructive. I just will not be sworn at, to me it is the end of the conversation and completely invalidates anything that has gone before it. Swear words in context yes, fine, we both swear a fair bit, but actually AT me, no, forget it. Walk away.

yes. im currently upstairs as he shouted at me I left the room. and left him shouting

No, me and my partner have a fairly healthy attitude towards disagreements/arguments. The only time he's ever name called, is calling me a prick, in a situation where I was in fact, acting like a prick.

He also talks over me during bickering/arguments, which drives me absolutely soft, but then I have my flaws too, I'm much more hot headed and 99% of our arguments are instigated by me.

Life is far too short to put up with the behaviour you have described OP.

My ex used to shout and swear. Things like ‘answer my fucking question now’ and if I went to answer he would talk/shout over me. He called me a slut once because my male friend had stayed on my sofa.
He used to rant for three hours at a time, interrupting me, talking over me, telling me that I was bull shitting when I wasn’t. I could never really work out why he was arguing in the first place! I couldn’t ever win. If I stayed quiet it’s because I didn’t care, if I responded then I was talking ‘utter shit’.

It was a painful, exhausting, never ending and miserable existence for me in the end.

Thank god he is my ex.

Yes but I shout too. We are both very loud people. Arguments are heated but short lived and always over something stupid. We seldom argue to be honest.

No shouting or name calling here. We genuinely don't want to hurt each others feelings even when we disagree.

No. He likes being in control, and he understands that first and foremost, this means being in control of himself. He gets angry, but he doesn't shout.

I've honestly never seen him lose control of himself, except to cry when someone died.

He doesn’t call me names but he does shout at me A LOT. I don’t accept it anymore though.

I think a lot of men don't realise how frightening it is when someone bigger, stronger and louder than you is shouting at you. Or maybe they do realise, which makes it even worse.

I hate it and I won't accept it.

My dp must be one in a million even during a disagreement he won't raise his voice to me, swear or call me names. He is a really patient man and knows what I went through in my marriage.

My OH shouts quite a lot and will swear. I'll shout back sometimes. I can't think of a name he hasn't called me at some point 😒

My dp must be one in a million even during a disagreement he won't raise his voice to me, swear or call me names.

I have never had a relationship with a man who would do any of these things. Well, they swear, but not 'at' me if you know what I mean. They are out there.

Absolutely not, and I don't shout at him. Shouting at you and talking over you indicates a complete lack of respect for you, and that's something I wouldn't tolerate in my own relationship.

Wow this response got me thinking. When I was a teenager, I swore I'd never, ever be with a man with a temper. My DH has the shortest of short fuses. We've been together 9 years, married 1. I never shout back anymore because I'm trying to make him see it's his temper & not our dynamic.

I'm debating whether to leave or not as there are great points too but God, when I read these posts, I think how lucky you all are. I'd love to not have that feeling of eyes automatically welling up at being screamed at or feeling grateful that a few days have gone by without him shouting...

I'm no angel but I don't shout at anyone ever. I guess it's because I know how much it hurts. I also think there are other ways to process emotion.

My DH never shouts, hardly ever swears and certainly never calls me or anyone else names. I would not be married to him if he did. I grew up in a shouty househould and it wasn't nice.

@aynrandtheobjectivist they are one in a million. 😊

Yes and we have only been married a number of weeks. I’m starting to worry I made the wrong decision. ☹️ “Go fuck yourself” and “fucking dickhead” I had screamed at me yesterday during an argument.

I’m the shouter, although infrequently, and I would never, ever resort to name-calling.

My approach is that if you have an issue with someone, or you find their behaviour unacceptable, you get it out in the open and have a proper discussion about it which can become heated if you are really cross about something.

DP has a completely different approach. He just clams up & refuses to discuss the problem which in my view is incredibly frustrating and it resolves nothing. How the hell are you supposed to sort out a difficult issue if you can’t have a proper, straight, up front discussion about it?

He just clams up & refuses to discuss the problem which in my view is incredibly frustrating and it resolves nothing

It's a common reaction to being shouted at. I find when someone is screaming at me, they're not interested in resolving anything either.

No, never in the fifteen years we've been together. We don't disagree on much, and we never row. You'd think it was boring but it isn't.
And Cleo don't put up with that. It'll only get worse. The writing's on the wall!

Yes once, we had a tremendous row and I was shouting too. It was horrific. I can’t remember what started it but it was vile. We both agreed to never ever let it get to that point again and 12 yrs on it hasn’t.
Some couples are more volatile though and if you are used to a loud house is this can carry through to adult relationships.
You have every right OP to stick up for yourself, if someone, no matter who they are, shouts and swears at you, it’s perfectly ok to tell someone to back off if they are upsetting you.

if you are used to a loud house is this can carry through to adult relationships.

Definitely. Although some people, like me, react by staying well away from shouty people.

We've never really shouted at each other, been snappy the odd time when we are both super stressed but we will normally laugh about it afterwards. Never called each other any names.

I spent 14 years with a man who screamed at me, threw stuff around and called me every name under the sun, I thought it was normal. I can’t tell you how calm, peaceful and happy my life is in comparison now. I don’t say that to sound smug, I honestly didn’t realise living as I do now was something people did.

I find when someone is screaming at me, they're not interested in resolving anything either.

I find that when someone refuses to acknowledge that their behaviour is the problem and refuses to discuss it, they’re not interested in resolving anything either.

I find that when someone refuses to acknowledge that their behaviour is the problem and refuses to discuss it, they’re not interested in resolving anything either.

Well, if you're the shouter then chances are that he thinks your behaviour is a problem too. You cannot speak reasonably to someone who is shouting at you.

At any rate, if you're not resolving things between the two of you, then perhaps you both need to look at your communication methods.

Do ye think shouting is always abusive? If someone regularly shouts when there's an argument, is that abuse?