Should I go on this date?

[Summerrose10]

It's a first date. I know the guy we went to school together but bumped into each other again at a wedding. My DM thinks he would be a good match for him but I'm not so sure.
He drinks quite alot which is the main thing that puts me off.

He went out Friday night and apparently didn't get in until the early hours. Last night he went out again. I then received a text saying "let's meet a 3, I'll pick you up and we can get a taxi and have a Sunday funday?"

Firstly Sunday funday?? Lol!
I also mentioned I needed to be back for my DS at 5pm when we were arranging to meet a few days ago. Even if I didn't need to be back for him I don't really want to go out on a first date and get really drunk. We were suppose to just be going to a little pub and having a quiet drink orginally.
Shall I go? Ìm not sure?

What was he like at the wedding? Drinking to excess or under control and having a nice time?

There's nothing wrong with going out drinking on Friday night and Saturday night, and suggesting the same for Sunday, but it would put me off because I wouldn't be able to - or want to - keep up with that!

He was quite drunk I could see it in his eyes but he held it together ok. I went early as I was on tablets and couldn't drink.

He also mentioned on Thursday that he might go to the pub and have a few drinks. Don't know if he did or not?

You could say you dont want to go out drinking and suggest something else?

Go! Get to know him a bit better. You might find he’s a social guy who meets his mates in the pub just so he’s not mooching about at home alone.
Say you can meet at 3 but remind him you need to be back for your ds.

If you've already got concerns about his drinking before you've even been on a date I would give him a swerve.

Yea the main thing that bugs me is the drinking. Apart from that he seems nice.
I think his ex split from him as he used to go out alot and get drunk. She had kids too.
I haven't stalked her btw 😂 I know his exes sister pretty well that's who's wedding we spoke to.

Don't bother going. He hasn't changed

the mere fact that his ex split up with him due to his partying speaks volumes.

Personally being a mother I would give it a miss.

Hmmmm. If he split up from his ex because of his drinking and he's still drinking too much too often it'd be a red flag to me. Why don't you suggest a non drinking first date instead of going for a drink and see what his reaction is?

You don't sound that attracted to him, or that you'd have that much in common. Why does your mum think you'd be a good match?

What reasons would you have for going? Do you like him and are you attracted to him?

Walk now before there are any emotions involved. He's maybe not a bad guy but not for you.

Seems his excess drinking is well established and a priority for him?

How can you do a Sunday funday when you have a little one to get back for?

It sounds like he is looking for a drinking partner not a date.

Go, see if he gets hammered in the two hours.

No, actually, don't go, it sounds like it's not a good fit.

God, read my thread:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3339654-Alcohol-problems-should-I-walk?noti=1#80327301

I certainly wouldn't risk it now to be honest.

You should be excited about going on a date, not hesitant about it. Don’t go.

Sounds like trouble, he won’t have changed. Don’t waste your time.

How much do you fancy him?!
DO you have the self control to keep him well separate from your and dc's life if it turns out that alcohol is an issue.
What kind of relationship are you looking for?

If you're looking for a committed, this could be a guy I'm going to marry, kind of relationship he sounds like a non-starter. If you're just after a bit of fun and can keep it that way then he might be OK.

Yea is a good looking guy but I just feel like I'm forcing myself to like him. Think because I've had a rubbish time with relationships my DM is pushing it saying he's a good match and would be good for me. My parents knows him and they both think we would be a good match. However like I've said the drinking concerns me and it seems like we live different lives. As I have responsibilities. crappy I read your thread sounds awful! Hope you're ok.
I've decided to make an excuse and cancel.
I used to ignore red flags and just jump in as I didn't want to be alone but learnt now not to. Reading it back I don't even know why I doubted myself

Good decision, op. If your dm asks why inform him of why his marriage ended and you have your son to consider, you would be a fool to get involved.

Good decision. Don't go out with someone just because someone else thinks it's a good idea.

Well done on cancelling. I went on two dates with a guy recently quite a bit younger than me. In between our dates he'd be out drinking most nights as he was a musician so was always at pubs performing. It just put me off so much. Last time I saw him he tried to get me drunk (even though I was driving home!!) and then when I wouldn't 'put out' when he came back to mine I've not heard from him since. I had no intention of it going anywhere anyway. It's great that you can spot the early red flags and not 'give someone the benefit' for the sake of it. I only went on these two dates as I had kid free time and he basically begged me to go. Never again. If it's not right, don't even try.

Yea I'm glad I can see it too. It's taken me along time to get here meow finally after alot of bad relationships I'm beginning to acknowledge red flags!
Although I made an excuse not to go today and now he's asked me again when can I go for a drink with him 🙈

Tell him you don't drink, see what his reaction is