Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Would this upset you?

34 replies

Whowhatwherenow · 18/08/2018 09:43

Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not.

DH and I are on our first proper holiday in five years without dcs, three nights away for a city break.

Unfortunately he’s got a cold so hasn’t had much energy, and as a result I’ve spent much of it alone while he rests in the hotel or relaxes in the sun, which I haven’t really minded as I have a good book but have thought it a shame to be taking most of my meals alone as we eat out so rarely together.

On the last afternoon he wanted to see a local attraction some distance away that I wasn’t keen on so went alone, returning just before dinner. I’d suggested a lovely final meal out earlier as it was our last night, and he’d said sure. He then found sport on the tv and lay on the couch and asked would I mind eating alone as he was tired/sick again?

So off I went and ate dinner alone in a fancy restaurant on the last night of my holiday.

I still feel quite upset about it but h says sm unreasonable as he’s sick and I should have come to the attraction If I wanted to spend time with him.

What say you mn jury?

OP posts:
Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/08/2018 09:45

Is it just a cold? That wouldn’t seem enough of a reason to skip so much of your holiday.

Original poster
Whowhatwherenow · 18/08/2018 09:48

Well he doesn’t have a temperature although has been quite tired

OP posts:
pictish · 18/08/2018 09:50

Err...yeah. I think the same as the previous poster. What a lot of mooning about making a gigantic deal of having a cold! Resting in the hotel while you eat alone...for a cold?
Yanbu.

pictish · 18/08/2018 09:51

Poor lamb. Hmm

Clairetree1 · 18/08/2018 09:53

can you not get room service and eat together?

Original poster
Whowhatwherenow · 18/08/2018 09:54

I suggested room service but he said no point as he wasn’t hungry

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 18/08/2018 09:55

Not too poorly to trek a distance to do something he knew you weren’t interested in but you poorly to get his arse off the sofa away from the bloody tv to have a meal with his wife.

What was the point of you going away?

I’d be very disappointed and pretty pissed off.

Being pathetic about a sniffle which had a selective impact on his ability to leave the hotel and choosing to watch sport instead of spending time with you is very unattractive.

Sorry OP, what a wash out.

lovelifex4 · 18/08/2018 09:56

I would be upset Blush

Original poster
Whowhatwherenow · 18/08/2018 09:57

I hoped this holiday would be the magic spark I was looking for to get us back on track as a couple so that’s why my disappointment might be unreasonable I guess

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 18/08/2018 09:59

I would be upset. It doesn't sound as though his illness is very serious, if he was able to visit an attraction earlier in the day. I can understand his wanting to flop on the couch, but surely he could have steeled himself to sit at the table for an hour or so, for your sake. I think he's been rather selfish.

pictish · 18/08/2018 10:01

“Being pathetic about a sniffle which had a selective impact on his ability to leave the hotel and choosing to watch sport instead of spending time with you is very unattractive.”

Absolutely. What a selfish man.

Justmuddlingalong · 18/08/2018 10:02

Totally self centered and thoughtless of him. You might be trying to reignite the spark, I'd be reconsidering bothering my arse. I'm sorry the break hasn't been how you hoped it would be.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 18/08/2018 10:03

Sounds a bit sus that he doesn't want anyone to see him out and about with you..

Ginmakesitallok · 18/08/2018 10:03

Doesn't sound as if either of you want to spend much time with each other. ☹️ He's not making an effort, neither are you.

Oliversmumsarmy · 18/08/2018 10:07

Did he know you were looking for a spark to keep your marriage alive?

I think he just can’t be arsed

Babdoc · 18/08/2018 10:17

My adult DDs took me on a foreign city break for a birthday. I became ill with a high temp, lost my voice with v painful laryngitis and was coughing continually with a major respiratory bug from the day we travelled. I didn’t want to spoil their trip, so dragged myself six miles on foot sightseeing the first day. I was struggling to eat but we’d booked a big meal in a nice restaurant for the last evening, so I went along and forced down what I could.

I think it’s pathetic of the OP’s DH to give up just with a cold. And I suspect as PPs have said, he wasn’t that interested in trying to rekindle the relationship, or he would have made more effort. Sorry, OP.

auntyflonono · 18/08/2018 10:26

He sounds really disconnected. Missing activities for a cold is not unreasonable but meals? What did he eat?

Singlenotsingle · 18/08/2018 10:31

He could be bothered to go on the attraction he was interested in, but not to go out and eat with DW. Says a lot doesn't it? The spark's well and truly gone out, hasn't it?

prettygreywalls · 18/08/2018 10:42

A couple of times when we have been on holiday we have both been ill , ( one first followed by other one with overlap in middle so probably caught something on the aircraft )
We still spent time together , lazing , reading books , sleeping off the bug , playing on iPad , ill one joining better one for meals but only having a drink etc

Sounds like you could have both made more effort , you could have gone on the trip with him sight seeing ( sometimes you just go to keep the other company even if it's not your thing) or you could have been reading whilst he slept / lazed , he could have had a light meal or simply a drink when you had a meal or you could have gone out and got snack type food to take back and share , sounds like neither made a huge effort to be honest

Graphista · 18/08/2018 10:46

I think you've more to worry about than this trip to be honest.

How far from home is the city? Is it one he regularly visits?

Sisgal · 18/08/2018 10:49

You have basically went away and had a holiday/rest separately . I would be hugely pissed off. Your man sounds a bit pathetic to be honest. You'd think he'd make an effort since it was your first holiday in a few years without the kids. It sounds like he didn't really want to spend time with you

MsHomeSlice · 18/08/2018 10:50

I think you two are so done!

he won't eat with you, and you won't go sightseeing with him...excellent effort at rekindling the spark there ...NOT

He sounds like a precious flower over his cold, but doesn't seem to be all one sided.

MeMyselfand · 18/08/2018 10:51

He had plenty of energy to go to an attraction but not the ones you wanted to go to, you couldn't be arsed going with him, then he couldn't be arsed going for dinner with you. Sounds like you both need to make the effort to get things back on track

Musti · 18/08/2018 11:12

It sounds like he was using it as an excuse to not spend time with you. Unless he was really ill, paracetamol and ibuprofen would have easily made him well enough to join you for dinner even if he didn't have much of an appetite. Then to go out to something you don't want to do seems deliberate and then to watch sport rather than have room service.

AnyFucker · 18/08/2018 11:14

He sounds very detached from you.

I would be very concerned about that