Would this upset you?

[Whowhatwherenow]

Just not sure if I’m being unreasonable or not.

DH and I are on our first proper holiday in five years without dcs, three nights away for a city break.

Unfortunately he’s got a cold so hasn’t had much energy, and as a result I’ve spent much of it alone while he rests in the hotel or relaxes in the sun, which I haven’t really minded as I have a good book but have thought it a shame to be taking most of my meals alone as we eat out so rarely together.

On the last afternoon he wanted to see a local attraction some distance away that I wasn’t keen on so went alone, returning just before dinner. I’d suggested a lovely final meal out earlier as it was our last night, and he’d said sure. He then found sport on the tv and lay on the couch and asked would I mind eating alone as he was tired/sick again?

So off I went and ate dinner alone in a fancy restaurant on the last night of my holiday.

I still feel quite upset about it but h says sm unreasonable as he’s sick and I should have come to the attraction If I wanted to spend time with him.

What say you mn jury?

You might have been hoping it would reignite he spark, but he's obviously not on board. He sounds like he doesn't want to be with you.

What's been going on in your marriage up to this point?

I agree with pp, he is avoiding being with you for reasons of his own. You want to try and get the spark back, but it sounds like he doesn't.

Thanks everyone. And in retrospect I should have gone to the attraction - I would have if I’d known dinner wouldn’t happen.

It’s a city neither of us had visited before which is known for its food.

Things haven’t been great tbh - since having dcs sometimes it feels like living seperate lives. We go home today and I have a lot to think about

H now says he’s sorry but still thinks I overreacted. I haven’t been sulky, just sad, which I guess looks the same from the outside

It sounds melodramatic but as I walked to dinner alone it was as if I felt something break in me, something that had been bubbling away for a while. I need to have a think about what to do next as it is symptomatic of a bigger problem

I would be heartbroken in that situation.

It might not be too bad , it might be the wake up call in your relationship that was needed , things can dwindle and spiral down without either party realising , especially with a heavy work load be it career or kids . This break and you both needing to apologise at the end of it at least proves the awareness that an apology was needed rather than a blindness to the situation , get home and have a talk , work from there ....

Sometimes when you are very busy your body holds off illness and once you stop it comes out , maybe that's what your DH had , and a window of feeling better enough to sightsee might have been him trying to grab a little holiday time back . I'm not saying he's correct at all but trying to find reasons to go forwards thinking positively

It's shit and I feel sorry for you being in this situation, i would say you need to speak to him but tbh I would imagine he will be dismissive of how you feel and try to make out that either you are imagining it or make it out to be all your fault.

I agree with Prettygrey I think you're both essentially at a fork in the road, you have to both choose the same direction actively or things are just going to get worse. Nobody can save a marriage solo.

Have you been for counselling? Because from what you've said it doesn't sound like there's major issues in terms of eg abuse. More exhaustion, bad habits and a lack of cohesion.

You need to find a way - and a reason - to reconnect.