So when he got his job, it was in London with a possible move to Luton which is commutable. Then, he found out it was moving 80 miles away, and when he said he didn’t think he could do it they put him on an extended probation!
When he found out they were moving so far away, I was desperately asking him to apply for jobs which he said he was doing but I dont believe he was. He said he was scared to move jobs after only being there a short time and he was certain he would have gotten me to move.
The company was going to put people up in hotels and at the time I just had this feeling he would be staying in a hotel all week away from me, basically silently fighting it out with me until I gave in and moved. He is very headstrong and thinks it’s all fair in love and war basically to push for what you want, if the person agrees then they agree. 100% I believe he would have lived in a hotel for 6 months without me, before maybe relenting, I just couldn’t cope with the idea of it all. He wasn’t even earning enough to support both of us, just more money than me. Obviously costs are lower outside London and we were able to buy a house. But I was at the time working with close friends, at a job I really enjoyed and had deep reservations about moving.
Anyway eventually I agreed to try, got a better paying job and a house we wanted to buy, and moved out there, but cried every day for weeks as I wanted to be near my family. He said I’d made my bed so lie in it. I even went back to my old job for three months because they wanted me back and he said do it, but then he refused to see me whenever I came home. So I got another job outside London again and our relationship went back to normal.
He then tried really hard for 18 months, when I was studying for my professional exams he’d cook all our dinners, pay for most of the bills, do all the dog walks, take me wherever I wanted to go out, drive us back to London to see my friends. He did lots of things to try to make it better, including saying we could move but we were in a fixed term.
He said he thought it would be better for both of us living out there and my initial upset I would get over. But I wasn’t able to which is my fault. I drove him away by holding onto resentment and anger, at him having a job he loved and lots of friends locally but me, yes having a job and money but feeling isolated and alone. Whenever we argued I would bring it up, he said I made him feel like he had ruined my life even though financially I had gained from it.
We spoke tonight because now we’re splitting custody of the house and I will be there half the week and him the other half. He said otherwise he will move all his stuff out including his furniture (including the bed he had before we lived together!.)
I said I’m in no rush to sell, as he said to give him time so let’s give it time. He said I am not giving him space, I said my need to be in my own house has nothing to do with wanting to see him, I need to be at home. That seemed to stop him. I’m just hoping he will take on board that I will leave him be, and may forgive me and have a change of heart. We have been so close for 6 years, he’s the love of my life I don’t want this to be over.
So I’m just hoping to carry on as is, and give it time and see if he comes around. He is an asshole, he’s said horrible things to me, but he’s also deeply hurt by me.
I don’t want to call or text him as the rejection is painful.
Sorry for writing at such length! Thank you for listening.
Xxx