Your first love vs all the rest

[Whiskeyjar]

I wanted to ask this to see if this is normal or not as it's something I've thought about but never been able to ask anyone in RL. I also feel incredibly guilty when I think about it for too long 🙈 When you compare your first real love to the love you feel with your current partner/husband/wife - do you feel the same intensity?

My first love was when I was 17 and we were together 5 years. I had the over whelming hit by a bus feeling when I started to fall for him and the absolute heartache I felt when we finally split up was one of he worst times of my life. Fast forward ten years and I met my now husband - the most kind, thoughtful, loving man I've ever known. We have been together four years and have two children and I love him so much but when I compare the two I just feel like that first time was so much more intense and feel guilty that I've never had that level of 'obsession' with him (yes I would say I was totally obsessed with my first love 😖)

Maybe this is down to the difference in age when I met these two people - hormones, how insecure I may have been then compared to settled I am now etc or maybe the first time will always be a one of that you'll never feel again...?

I want to add I'm totally happy in my marriage lol! Just something I've always wondered 🤓

I think perhaps we look back on 'first loves' with somewhat rose tinted glasses tbh...

still remember my first love i was 16 he was 23 6 Ft 3 tall and yes i would love to meet him now as im now 62 and he would be 69 just for interests sake, still got a penchant for tall men current partner is 6 ft 4

My second love had more impact on me than my first love. We were together from 22-23 and the chemistry was insane.

Maybe this is down to the difference in age when I met these two people - hormones, how insecure I may have been then compared to settled I am now etc

This is exactly what it is IMO... being a teenager, the excitement, the novelty, the drama.. all the 'firsts' like losing your virginity together (possibly), school dances, first holiday with a boyfriend etc. I look back with rose tinted glasses on my 6 year relationship at age 18. In reality, it was great at the time, but we were not well suited for the long haul and he'd never live up to my DH who is a fantastic husband, friend, father, lover (I hate that word ).

I definitely think the 2 can't be compared- each is/was special in its own way and I believe each love that you've had leads you on the path to your final love

I'm still good friends with my first love, as are all my family. I used to think I would end back up with him eventually and then I met DH and I was bowled over by him. Now 20 yrs on I still think first love is a nice bloke but a bit of a knob and marriage to him would have been a disaster. Perhaps if I hadn't stayed friends over the years I would still see him through tinted glasses not the reality that he's just a normal bloke.

bodabing lol at I'm still good friends with him and then "bit of a knob" 😂😂 haha

I met my first love just before my 16th birthday and we were together on/off till I was 19. Our relationship was rocky but intense and very us against the world. I spent the next 10 years trying to replicate that dramatic intensity with other partners before I met my OH who is the calmest most genuine man in the world. He is nothing like my past partners, especially my first love. Our love is different in the sense it feels safe and strong rather than the fierce, intense all consuming love with my first. OH has made me a better person and more secure in myself and our relationship.
I think immaturity and hormones have a lot to do with the earth shattering first love experience but I'm certain I love my OH far more than I ever loved or was even capable of loving my first x

I was just saying the same to my friend. Interestingly each successive boyfriend has been slightly less intense " love" than the last one but each has sucesively gone on a bit longer.
Odd but perhaps passionate love needs an "end" because it would be tragic when it all got a bit mundane after 20 years?

Obsession / immaturity isn’t love.

At 17 many people don’t have that much responsibility / life crap going on, in comparison with 27, 37, 47. Makes for an easier time of it in relationships.

My “first love” doesn’t even remotely compare to what I have with now DH... it was shallow, self absorbed and immature.
What I have now is deeper, more intense, and way more meaningful.

DH and I met at 18 one of the rare ones and are still together now at 31! We never got together thinking it would be forever of course but it certainly feels like that now. I loved him then and I love him now but it's definitely grown stronger and stronger as we have gone on. He declared his love for me within weeks of being together and I told him it wasn't possible that soon. he is still adamant now that he really did love me that quickly

I do remember my first love being very intense and I was devastated when it ended but it pales in comparison to what I have with DH. I can't even explain why, but we're much better suited and our relationship is a lot less insecure, immature and fragile than the one I had with the ex. It's a lot healthier and I laugh a lot more at with DH than I ever did with the ex. The humour keeps the spark going I think.

I don't compare as I see no point in looking back. I love the man I'm with now. If first love was that brilliant we'd still be together. We're not. Mad passion and obsession is over-rated. Kindness, friendship and love combined suits me just fine

I still know my first love and I've never loved anyone like I loved him. He wasn't my first boyfriend and we were together 3 years. He's so good looking I still fancy him physically but he thinks he's gods gift to women and has been unfaithful more than once to his wife so I know I had a lucky escape.

No. I've found that every relationship I've had has been better than the last as I learn more about myself and what I want and need in a relationship.

And each relationship that has ended has ended for a good reason of incompatibility.

I look back on my "first love" and realise I was such a fool and most likely his teenaged bit on the side. I was 17 and he was 25. He never introduced me to any of his friends or family, I only had his mobile number even though he had a land line, he didn't want to see me on special occasions such as his birthday or Christmases and he wouldn't meet any of my friends or family. He only wanted me for one thing and although I knew I deserved more I didn't know how to get it. I was kind of afraid to dump him because I kept thinking, "What if he actually does really love me and I dump him and then it's over?" After 3.5 years he dumped me - the week before my 21st birthday . Looking back, I can't believe how naive and stupid I was! I feel like going back in time and shaking my silly 17 y old self.

I forgot to add, with my husband now I know I'm obviously not his other woman - I'm his wife. I'm not afraid of him, I'm not used by him, I don't feel like an after thought, I don't have to sneak around and we are part of each others' families. I can say to him that no, I don't want sex tonight or the following night. I feel loved and respected rather than used and pushed aside. Our relationship isn't the most passionate or exciting but that's probably because I'm not exciting or passionate. It feels stable and secure.

I found out recently that my 1st love died earlier this year. It's had a massive effect on me. I feel so overwhelmingly sad.
I'm in my 50s and we went out in the 6th form of school. We continued to see each other on and through our 20s.
The thing that really hurt is that no one attempted to find me to let me know at the time. I would've liked to have gone to his funeral.
I am happily married.

Like others I look back at my first love with affection. I was a different person then. Have recently met my number something love. It's more complicated because we have baggage beyond deciding which park we're going to drink cider in - but it's "more"!!

I actually don't think any of my previous relationships were truly love. I only realised it when I met DH. Even years later I get butterflies at the silliest little thing, even when he's snoring his head off and I want to murder him there's still something there that makes me happy at the same time. (I'll still nudge him to get him to shut the hell up though.)

I married my first love. We're a walking cliché really, but I guess the law of averages mean that some people get lucky first time!

My previous ‘loves’ were very intense and head over heels, but none of them were good for me. Although it felt like the world has ended, especially with my Uni beau, I can see it clearly now, we would not be good together long-term and thank goodness I did not end up with him.

With my DH, it felt like all the pieces in the jigsaw came together. He is right for me, there is no drama, no torture, no second guessing. I feel at peace when he is with me, I can be myself, not have the need to pretend to be better than I am. I can be vulnerable with him, I trust him. It is a completely different thing altogether 😊

I married my first love, got together at 16 and still together now in late 30s. Our love has matured and grown over time as have our responsibilities and personalities. We look back at how intense we were back then and laugh

My first love was very intense too (read: fiery and insane). Imagine being married to that person, you’d murder them. Could never work.

I read recently (on mumsnet) that we’re wired differently as teenagers and feel everything more intensely: the good and the bad.

I met my DH when I was 17. No matter where we are, when we’re tigether it feels like I’m ‘home’. Had 2 relationships before him, both much more intense. Neither of them treated me particularly well. It took me a while to adjust to my DH’s respectful ways!