Lazyitus

[onemoresmartie]

Hi everyone
Just coming by to have a rant really
My OT is a chef and works unsociable hours, I popped by to see him at his house today he knew I was coming after work and the plan was to stay a couple of nights at his to spend time together
I get there and he is asleep at 4pm

His normal pattern is sleep 10+ hours an evening then between service sleeps for 2hours or more.

I got to his house and let myself in and he was fast asleep so I woke him up
He starts work again at 6, he grunted at me...and I said are you gunna get up and he turned round and huffed

I said you need to maybe go and see a doctor as it's not normal to sleep through the day unless your Ill. He is 27

So I left with my overnight back and came back home and he's sent me a text saying I'm unreal

This is a bit confusing, how many hours out of 24 does he usually sleep? 4pm sounds late to be asleep but I can't tell from your post what time he finished work at so may be reasonable...

This is every day regardless if he gets in late or not
When I do stay we go to sleep around the same time I get up for work at 730 and he's asleep till about 10am
He then goes home and sleeps again in the afternoon
I just don't feel like there is any need for it

Starts work at 6pm but what time does he finish?If he finishes work at 2am by the time he gets to bed it could be 4am .12hours sleep is a lot but it might be just the habit he's got into.My brother used to sleep late but is now up at 6am every morning because his new job demands it -people can change

He sounds horrible, so he invites you round and doesn't even bother to get up

Last night we both went to bed at the same time and I got up this morning and he stayed asleep...his alarm went off about 8 and I heard it and went back in and he had turned it off and went back to sleep!
Just once it would be nice if he got up with me!

I used to have a partner like this. It was very lonely and incredibly frustrating. He would literally sleep for 14 hours. When he was awake he expected me to get and carry for him while he laid in bed.

Note he is an ex!!

What do you get out of this relationship with him?. What's the payoff here for you?. He is not your project to rescue and or save here.

If anyone is still on this post... I was at his last night while he was at work I waited for him to finish which is usually quite late and he text me saying he was staying at the pub for a drink with his friends I said why don't you do that tomorrow and just come back and see me for an hour
He refused, I packed all my stuff and left his at 1130 last night drove 45 mins home crying
I had work this morning
I deserve better than this and now I have had the realisation of this it's going to be hard to make the decision to walk away once and for all

It's obviously been getting to you for awhile

You aren’t his priority unfortunately. There’s no point trying to change that. Gather your self esteem and walk away. Don’t beg, plead or discuss.

You deserve to be with someone who treats you well and who wants to spend time with you. The world is full of opportunities and not all men are like this! Believe me I’ve stayed in relationships when I should have walked and all it did was erode my self confidence and make me miserable.

I’m now very happy in a new relationship with a wonderful man and I’m in my forties! You will meet someone far nicer and less selfish.

So in a 24 hour period how many hours does he sleep?

Probably 13-14 hours..either way the sleep isn't the issue more his selfishness

The reason I asked is to gauge if it seemed excessive. Which it really does! And then makes me wonder if it's a medical issue.

I know we all love sleep but I don't feel an adult should need that much. It is selfish as he's putting his needs entirely first. You said you don't live together do you have kids? I can't see how him sleeping so much would lead to an equitably share of domestic work if you did live together in future.

His selfish attitude and lack of regard for you really don't make for a positive relationship. As you said you deserve better. How long have you been together?
I would make it clear it is a deal breaker and give him a chance to change. If you've not made this clear before. If he's still doing this he really doesn't deserve you.

Another weekend spent upset and miserable
We made up after last weekend because I went over to talk things through he said he was sorry he would make more effort etc etc

So I went over on Friday night with my little boy with plans to stay for the Bh weekend and I left Saturday lunchtime.

He lay in bed all morning on Saturday right up until he had to go to work at 12pm.

He was expecting me to go back yesterday and I haven't. So last night I brought up the sleeping issue again and he basically said he is sick of me making out he is the problem and that I'm not f*ing perfect either

I don't think I can do this anymore. My family are noticing I'm miserable and my little boy deserves better than someone who lies in bed for a role model

He doesn’t make any effort. You sound completely mismatched, walk away,

It just seems the easiest thing in the world to do something about if you wanted to and he knows it bothers me.

When we first got back together he made all the effort in the world and I couldn't believe my luck in how well he was treating me and how much effort he was making...5/6 months later he has gone back to how he was when we split previously 😞

Oh and because I didn't go over he literally slept from 6pm-10pm (because I rang him worried and woke him up) then back to sleep and he's still asleep now
When he's not working he's asleep there's nothing else he does
This isn't normal!

If he wanted to spend time with you, he would. Further more, I guarantee he’s not sleeping that much every night. He’s socialising after work and then catching up in what he considers to be ‘dead time’ - that’s your time, by the way.

Remember, if he WANTED to spend time with you, he would.

He said yesterday that if he's tired he will sleep simple!
His attitude stinks but
I care about him so much I just want him to see that he is sleeping too much and to live a normal healthy lifestyle.

He said last night that I shouldn't be punishing him like a child and I asked how was I doing that?
And he said by not going over to see him

He lives a 45 min drive away and does not drive himself so if I don't go to him we don't see each other

Why do you keep going back? He's made it very clear where he stands. He doesn't want to change and he doesn't value time with you.

I guess because I want it to work out and I don't want to be on my own...

Ah, you can’t stay with someone just because you don’t want to be alone OP. Look at the crap you’re trying to work with - you’re flogging a dead horse here. And getting angrier and more disappointed with the dead horse each time.

Deep breath, start imagining your future true love, break this off and move on.

I've invested so much time and took a big risk having him back and just hate to admit defeat I suppose and look an idiot

It's called the sunk costs fallacy where you keep. On with something that isn't working because of the time you've already put in. Please don't do this. You won't '" look like" anything except a string women who wont put up with shit. Stop wasting your and your little boys time trailing around after this guy who clearly isn't bothered.

You won't look like an idiot if you get rid of him, but you will if you continue to waste your energy on him. Sorry

He seems quite happy with his life and has no plan to change. What you should be asking yourself is why you're prepared to put up with it and keep making the effort? What are you getting out of this?