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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Lazyitus

37 replies

onemoresmartie · 16/08/2018 19:20

Hi everyone
Just coming by to have a rant really
My OT is a chef and works unsociable hours, I popped by to see him at his house today he knew I was coming after work and the plan was to stay a couple of nights at his to spend time together
I get there and he is asleep at 4pm

His normal pattern is sleep 10+ hours an evening then between service sleeps for 2hours or more.

I got to his house and let myself in and he was fast asleep so I woke him up
He starts work again at 6, he grunted at me...and I said are you gunna get up and he turned round and huffed

I said you need to maybe go and see a doctor as it's not normal to sleep through the day unless your Ill. He is 27

So I left with my overnight back and came back home and he's sent me a text saying I'm unreal

OP posts:

HugeAckmansWife · 27/08/2018 09:41

Strong not string!!

Original poster

onemoresmartie · 27/08/2018 10:36

I'm starting to drive myself crazy tho thinking maybe he's not always sleeping maybe there is another woman? Taking my ds out for a long walk to try and clear my head a bit

OP posts:

RabbitsAreTasty · 27/08/2018 10:43

You are acting crazy.

This is a non-relationship. You know it. End it.

loveisland · 27/08/2018 11:09

You know that this isn't right please just end it for your ds sake! What a role model that bloke is to ds

Original poster

onemoresmartie · 27/08/2018 12:22

He's just woke up and asked me where do we go from here? It's like he doesn't want to be the one to end it...he never does!
I asked him what he was going to do to fix it and he said he doesn't know
I told him to stop wasting my time

OP posts:

colditz · 27/08/2018 13:33

Stop waiting for him to make the decision for you.

You cannot blame him for not wanting to do the dumping, he's fine with things how they are. YOU aren't ok with it, YOU have to make the decision.

Do you acccept this treatment or not?

bastardkitty · 27/08/2018 13:54

You stop wasting your time. You know what's on offer. Find some self-respect.

RabbitsAreTasty · 27/08/2018 15:03

Did you actually end it then?

MessyBun247 · 27/08/2018 15:13

‘ I don't want to be on my own...’

You need to work on your self-esteem, your relationship with YOURSELF. Surely being by yourself is better than being with a big sleeping lump who has no interest in you? What do you get out of the relationship? Sounds like you are only together because you are both to scared to end it.

Move on, honestly.

funnylittlefloozie · 27/08/2018 15:35

Honestly, love, i would just walk away. He doesnt want to be in a proper relationship with you, so just leave it.

The whole living 45 mins apart and him not driving would be enough for me to end it, tbh. I dont run around after men if they don't reciprocate!

End it now, and have a think about why you're prepared to put up with such poor treatment instead of being alone.

Original poster

onemoresmartie · 28/08/2018 11:35

We haven't really spoke all weekend...he said he wanted to be left alone yesterday so I did exactly that
Massive changes need to happen or it is over. It feels like it is already to be honest

OP posts:

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 28/08/2018 12:00

Are you actually reading any of the replies here, or is this thread basically just a diary for you to vent your thoughts?

You keep saying you deserve better and yet here you are, still waiting for him to decide whether he wants you or not. He has no incentive to change, he knows you will still be there, running around after him as long as he says a few nice words.

Even if he manages to stay awake for a few hours while he wins you back, he will fall back into his patterns because either...he has some medical issue and can't do without a lot of sleep...or his sleep patterns are messed up due to his working hours....or he doesn't value the time and effort YOU put into this relationship as much as he values the time he spends snoozing.

None of those will be solved by you telling him he needs to wake up and him doing it a few times to placate you. As the mum of a young child you need someone with a bit more about them so that you can have an equal relationship.

FWIW my DP loves a nap and falls asleep most evenings/afternoons for anything from 10 mins to half an hour. It drives me up the wall, but its usually when we're watching TV or I'm doing a bit of work so it doesn't really impact on our time together. At least when he wakes up we have a great time, chat, go out to eat, cinema, walks etc and he makes the effort to visit me, rather than me having to run around after him. If he was asleep the whole time and our relationship was basically conducted from his bed I'd have dumped him long ago.

Find your self respect and find someone who can offer you more than the view of their throat while they snore their head off.

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