Massive crush on married man

[Skylantern]

So there is this guy at work. When I first clapped eyes on him we had this intense chemistry. I don't know what it is but it's there. I don't work directly with him but pass him most mornings. At first I thought nothing more of it.
I should add I am in a long term relationship and have a dd. He is married and has three children. He's a good bit older than me, at least years, maybe even 15 years.
I had to work with him the other day directly and it was almost unbearable. He flirted a little but I didn't....but the chemistry and the intensity was all there. I'm seriously attracted to him.
Since working with him I've been besotted. My tummy flips when I see him, I think about him a lot and fantasise....im really sad that nothing could happen between us. I couldn't cheat on my dp and I couldn't do that to his family either. I don't know if he would consider going down that root but I couldn't. He did mention his wife and kids a lot so that's a good sign he's not willing to cheat.
I feel so confused. Dp and I are meant to be ttc and now I'm questioning everything about myself. I love dp, he is the nicest person I've ever met and he doesn't deserve this.
I don't know what to do. Part of me wants to keep lusting after this man because I enjoy the feelings he gives me but then i think of I strayed what a mess it would all be and the guilt. I couldn't do it.

Imagine him picking his nose & going for a shite. That will cure you.

Need to look for another job, or at least transfer to another department. You're playing with fire.

Steer clear.. unless you want to break up two families.

I really don't want to break up our families. I'm not that sort of person. I'm actually the sort of person who would judge the hell out of someone for feeling like this....now I'm here. It's very out of character and I'm not a cheat. Finding this really difficult.

I have had this and it didn’t end well for me even though nothing happened I felt like a prize twat as he loved every second of his ego boost, me trying to stay professional and him pushing the boundaries to get a reaction. I really don’t like him at all now. I avoid and ignore him. You kind of have to do it. It WILL ago away but you have to force yourself not to allow any fantasies

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3335872-I-think-a-married-man-likes-me-how-do-you-tell

Is this the same guy, or are there two of them?

Everyone in long-term relationships meets other people they're attracted to - it's happened to both DH and I- and you just have to ignore it, or risk breaking up two families as a PP said.

Focus on your real life and if you're ttc, make that as exciting/frequent as possible...I always feel relaxed and in love with my DH the day after a good session!

Hmm, confused by your 2 threads, sky lantern. Which is it?

Marry him. You'll go off him soon enough

Hmm, confused by your 2 threads, sky lantern. Which is it?

Indeed.

My husband was also like you. Lots of morals and would never EVER cheat but then someone who threw herself at him he suddenly didn't have those morals. So please don't say you'll never cheat when you are already primed for it.

Slightly off-topic, but one of my DH's co-workers was v. into him and I sensed she didn't have any scruples about pursuing married men.

So, I let her know I was onto her. Kept turning up unexpectedly, acted v. friendly towards her. She soon figured out that I knew the score and wasn't going to take it.

Huge irony. She got married a couple of years later and her DH cheated on her within 12 months.... she was devastated.
Just don't go there, OP, it'll be a massive shitstorm.

Maybe it's something to do with ttc. Maybe you should put that on hold.

It's normal to find other people attractive. Just be careful of spending time alone at breaks, going out to social work stuff, talking on social media or anything. It seems like it can be a slippery slope if you add those in from reading on here and talking to people in real life.

Err if that's him you're talking about in the other thread then he sounds a bit sleazy. Stay away.

Get a grip this is just a crush ...

This is a married man with three kids leave the hell alone !!

A crush is a crush as long as you don't actually act on it ! You won't go to hell !

I know. I won't act on it. I can't.
I can't think of one positive about going for it other than scratching an itch. Even then, it would be a total mess and I would be in too deep by then.
I won't go for it....but it's going to be hard to keep my cool. He said hi at work the other day and I pretended I couldn't hear him. He then appeared behind me getting some things and there was this awkward silence. I think he could sense I was uncomfortable and we left it there. We didn't engage in conversation. We still keep catching each other looking. I don't think he wants to pursue it either.

It's normal to find other people attractive and have small, fleeting crushes even if you're in a relationship. The question is what you do with it.

Accept you have a crush, remain friendly and professional at all times and avoid situations that could provide opportunities to act on the crush.

Sadly, the fact you're spending time trying to work out if he fancies you back suggests that you've already primed yourself to be open to the suggestion of cheating or pushing the envelope a little.

The feelings will probably just fizzle out anyway. I had that initial spark with a colleague a couple of years ago (both married) but we both backed off and deliberately didn't spend any time alone together, e.g. no cosy lunches or anything that could be risky.

It's completely faded now and we're comfortable with each other. He's just another nice guy I happen to know. You'll be fine

Difficult. You read a lot on these threads about following you heart and spider sense. However, it's a risk..be careful.

I don't think this would be following your heart, what do you know about him op? He's just boosted your ego a bit and you like the feeling. Find other ways to boost yourself for yourself, and plan some nice stuff with partner.

Op I've been married 12 years. 3 kids later and I'm bored.
I got friendly with a guy. Hes single and said all the right things. It turned my head. I was almost tempted to shag him. I would have felt dreadful after if i did. We both agreed to stop leading each other on. I know how it feels to have someone actually show some interest. It's exiting but at what cost?

Op I'm on your other thread where you're saying you don't fancy him etc, so what's this about? Or is there another man??

skylantern YOU ARE WASTING EVERYONE'S TIME WITH TWO CONTRADICTORY THREADS !!!

We cannot stop ourselves having feelings; but we do have control over what we do about it. Ask for a transfer to another department or whatever it takes to remove you from this temptation.

You are not the first person to whom this has happened out of the blue; you now have to deal with it responsibly.