getting back with an ex, can it work?

[Pineapplepea]

hi all,

Can anyone tell me stories about times you attempted to get back into a relationship with an ex? Can it work or is it just a waste of time? If it did work how long were you together before splitting up, and how long were you split up for before you got back together?

thank you

It all depends on the reasons why you split imo and what wasn't working x

I’ll give you the advice that was given to me: Go back. You’ll know within 2 weeks whether it’s right or not.
I moved in and out again in the space of a month. Was it a hassle and a drag? Yes, to both. But after trying again, I never looked back and wondered, ‘What if?’

Why did you guys break up?

@jelly449 - we split because he felt like he needed time on his own, been together 6 years, still both love each other very much, just hoping time will do us good. Nothing in particular that wasn’t working, we were very happy most of the time. xx

@thevangaurdsix - thats something im afraid of the "what if" question.
How did you know it wasnt right? We broke up on his terms, he said he needed to be on his own, wasn't sure what he wanted. But still giving me hope that he wants us to work. Very confusing

@Pineapplepea tricky one then as clearly no infidelity involved.

I'd say he maybe needs to prove to you he wants to try again. He was the one that needed space - which is fine, no judgement there - but if it were me I'd be wanting him to show me and prove he wants to try again. I wouldn't just necessarily walk back into it as I'd want to protect myself as much as possible.

How long have you been split up?

@Jelly449 - yes the ball would need to be in his court, im not going to be the one to try get us back together, even though i really want to. Im just hoping this split will be what we need to make things work.

@NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 - we've been split up about 3 weeks now, i know its still early days.

@Pineapplepea I'd just really try spend this time focusing on yourself to be honest. Easier said than done I know but I think you're only going to drive yourself crazy otherwise which you don't deserve at all.

If he wants to try again then you will know about it and it needs to be his choice without any pressure of you (not saying that's what you are doing either btw) so I'd just suggest concentrating on you x

My only experience is split with an ex for a year. He broke it off. When we got back together we discussed the previous issues. We had both changed so we felt to give it another shot.

Turned out I had got stronger and didn't roll over and accept him being a twat. He had changed into an even bigger asshole than the one who left me.

I knew within 3 weeks but stuck around for 3 months. I've never laid eyes on him since.

In your situation I'd backoff completely. Tell him to take his space and don't come back unless he's 100% sure he won't be needing any more. Otherwise you risk an on again off again stupid situation.

I agree with pp. I'd be telling him that he wanted his own space so you are going to give it to him. So tempting to get back with him but he needs to be 110% sure he won't space again.

Why did he need time on his own and why does he think anything's changed? Whatever you do, don't make it easy for him.

@jelly449 - i think thats what i need to do, just focus on myself but like you said "easier said than done". Wish i could turn my emotions off for a while!!

@goforthatandmultiply - thats great that you came out stronger! All this would be so much easier if i knew he 100% didn't want us, im clinging on to hope. I'm going to have to give him space and hope it works in my favour. Thank you for telling me your story x

@musti - He said that his head was a mess, he wondered if us being together was just a habbit/routine, which after 6 years i suppose you do kind of loose that "honeymoon" spark. Since the split he has told me he's had really bad nights missing me, feeling lonely and depressed, and wanting to give me a cuddle, when i ask if its just as friends? He says he doesn't know what as.

He hasnt actually said the words he wants us to get back together, but i was just wanting to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation and been able to make it work after.

He wants space but isn’t keen on giving you space, with all his ‘I miss you’s’ and ‘I don’t know’s’. For your own sanity, tell him to only contact you when he’s made a decision but your life hasn’t stopped because he’s not in it and your patience isn’t infinite.

OP you aren’t a bet to be hedged on and you deserve better than to be strung along. Get tough or he will trample all over your self respect.

I think that yes, the honeymoon period can't last forever but you can do things to rekindle stuff. Are there any kids involved?

He hasnt actually said the words he wants us to get back together

He doesn’t have to, he’s saying just enough to keep you on the hook without making any commitment, very efficient.

Yes, we did have a 20 year split though.

If there are no kids then tell him to go away, sort himself out and then get back in touch when he's his own person again. If you haven't moved on then take it back to the beginning then just date.

@agent johnson - well we haven't spoke since yesterday so i'm just going to go no contact, if he decides to contact me i will tell him unless he has made his mind up, not to contact me. You are right i need to get tough, i wish it wasn't so hard.

@musti - no kids involved thank goodness. And i agree, theres things we BOTH could have done to rekindle the relationship - but its always when its too late you realise these things!

@gamerchick - 20 year split! can i ask how you guys ended up getting back together?

@agentjohnson - yes he has me dangling on a string, when i say this to him he says things like "i wouldnt use you like that" "your worth more than that". I've told him i cant wait for him while he goes out and see's if theres something better than us, he said he isn't doing this for that reason, he's doing it to have some time to himself. Really hard to understand and get my head around as our relationship has always been quite laid back. I'm not full on, neither is he.

What goforth said with bells on.
I too had grown in strength and confidence. I’d been raising our baby boy alone for two and a half years when we decided to try again.

All I could see was how ginormous an a-hole he was and how much I’d grown, yet hadn’t noticed when I was by myself.
I never looked back when I left after our failed attempt. I never wondered ‘what if’ again.

Your ex sounds weak and boring. No good reason to split really other than wanting time apart? I had that to. It was so that my ex could explore the inner workings of other women. He was tired of me. And that came out tenfold when we ‘reunited’ briefly. So lame!

Who wants to be with the unappreciative guy? Nobody. You’re too good for such bullshit, OP.

My ex and so are two of the most mellow, laid back people, OP. It doesn’t stop anyone from exploring their options. Sorry if I’m being too blunt.

If I met ex now, at 46, we’d probably work out. But that ship has sailed.

My ex and I- not ‘so’.

he said he needed to be on his own, wasn't sure what he wanted
So he's probably had his head turned.
He's keeping you on the back burner in case the grass isn't greener.

He's right - you are worth more than this.

Don't be anyone's back-up plan.

No contact is a good idea.
Just ignore him for now and see how things go from there.

I'd be very wary OP. If his head is a mess like he claims, then he's not happy and that won't have changed in 3 weeks.

Do you think he could have met someone else and it's not worked out? Sorry to suggest that but it's the usual manspeak for "i need some space" on here.