Just discovered scale of cheating

[IndiaBound]

Hi,

Myself and bf have two young kids - 4 and 5 - the latter has SEN but both are lovely girls.

I was contacted by a third party to tell me he had been cheating; we've been in a rut for a few years because of his depression and anxiety, sex life not great, but I've never stopped loving him, telling him so, and also letting him know I was dying to make love like we used to.

When I got the message, we sat down and he had notes on his phone, said he was going to tell me soon anyhow, showed remorse and I agreed to give it another go. We entered Hysterical Bonding and wow, my old man back. That was start of July.

I sat down yesterday with his laptop, started searching and found back ups of messages to many people (10 plus) about the great times they had, in detail what they did in bed, etc.

It's obviously he had found them on an app so these were ones that had shared their number and messaged after using an iPhone - so the number is bound to be more than 10 and the first message I found went back to Feb 2017!!!

I'm gutted, hurt, angry, didn't sleep at all last night and now away three days (I'm the bread winner, he is studying and not earning at all).

I'm thinking on Thursday so sit him down, say I want to ask some questions again and see if he still lies about it only being one other for two months.

What then? Back his bags and get out time? Leaves me with a childcare crisis but work will be good I'm sure.

Anyone been here, any advice please?

G

I'd just do it now so he can stay at his parents and they can give him what for as well.

Thank fuck you're not married! You owe him zero.

Use these days to get organised. It would be worth speaking to a solicitor to know where you stand with child-residency etc. If he doesn’t work, is he the primary carer? You need to be prepared for his sobbing to turn to threats. Hopefully it won’t come to that, but knowledge is power.

Make sure any joint accounts are frozen and any access he has to your savings is stopped. Basically protect your assets where possible. Better to prevent a problem than try to get back what is yours after the horse has bolted.

You are doing the right thing. I could never trust someone after they had cheated (even once). It would eat away at our relationship. Though a one-off one-night stand would be easier to forgive. A second would mean he didn’t regret the first. He has let you down. All of it was premeditated and in full knowledge of what he could lose. I’m so sorry he’s done this to you all.

Don’t ever feel like you broke up this relationship; he did that, not you.

Can you get some real life support over this week? Friend? Family? Don’t do this alone. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Make sure important documents are out where he can’t find them too, and pack up his stuff. You can do this. It gets better

FYC thank you so much.

Kind words and the premeditated content has really brought it all crashing home again, not that it has ever been off my mind.

Depressed!!! He’s an insult to depression. He’s selfish lying and entitled isn’t he.
Your doing the right thing. Yes he will up the anti. You sound ready for him. “It’s over” “ it’s not working for me” - don’t engage. Good luck.