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Original poster

He still lives with his ex?

36 replies

FairgroundMum · 13/08/2018 20:59

I’ll try and keep this short!
So, I started seeing a guy 3 months ago. Turns out we really like each other!

The catch.. he lives with his ex in her house. Cheap rent and he currently has no intentions of moving out.

They sleep in separate bedrooms etc, but he says she’s told him that she is still in love with him and wants them to be back together! She doesn’t know about me, or that he is seeing anyone. Infact he lies to her about where he is when we are together.

He wants to be friends with the ex and wants to try and ‘make her see’ that they can just be friends. He talks about his ex to me all the time, I’m not sure how I feel about this. (Mostly bad, maybe he’s just venting?)

I have no idea what’s going to happen between us, so would never ask him to move out. But I also can’t see this going much further whilst he’s still living with his ex.

Should I just run? Stick it out? Take a step back? I have no idea what to do with this!! Help! They have been split for 8ish months btw.

OP posts:
GlacindaTheTroll · 13/08/2018 21:02

Run. Run fast. Run far.

He's grooming you to be his secret bit on the side. If you like him, tell him you'll date him once he has moved out and you can be seen with him in public. Then you won't even have to do the running, because he'll have scarpered.

PrettyLovely · 13/08/2018 21:02

Run for the hills

Fluffyunicorns · 13/08/2018 21:05

Don't think I could cope with that situation, he has no need to live in her house if he is paying her rent? Are they Ex H/W or exgf/bf - if it's H/W I can see they mignt have to be together till finances are sorted but if gf/bf and it's her house he is SO not over her that he can't leave! I would have to take a big step back at the very least. I would probably run....

Megsmagicalboobs · 13/08/2018 21:10

Oh please... she is not his ex you are becoming the OW

Original poster
FairgroundMum · 13/08/2018 21:11

Bf/gf. Totally desperate finances. They were together for about 4/5 years. Thing is the rent he pays her is cheap, so I can see why he wouldn’t just move out. But then am I just making excuses for him? Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
FairgroundMum · 13/08/2018 21:11

*Separate

OP posts:
ShirleyPhallus · 13/08/2018 21:12

Run don’t walk

booandbumpp · 13/08/2018 21:14

Run. Don't pass go do not collect £200. He's not worth the bother and this backstory has so many red flags. Either:
They're still together, you're the other woman
Or
You two get together, and he and his ex sleep together
Or
You two get together, he doesn't move out and you get jealous/paranoid about him and his ex.

There is no happy ending here,OP.

chestylarue52 · 13/08/2018 21:15

You can’t change what he’s doing. You can only change how you react to it. Personally this would be too much for me but only you can tell us if you’re ok with it.

Sweetsongbird1 · 13/08/2018 21:16

Oh come on OP he is still with her! 🙈

Singlenotsingle · 13/08/2018 21:16

I'd wonder whether they really are separated or whether he's stringing you
along? Why don't you suggest he introduces you as his new g/f, and see how he reacts? It sounds to me as though he's having his Cake and eating it too

crosstalk · 13/08/2018 21:20

OP Just run. If he moved out would he move in with you? Would you charge him cheap rent or would he just move in and benefit from being with you? He really gets on with you but lies about seeing you to his ex who he says is still in love with him?

Why can't he move out and get somewhere else? release his ex from her apparent love and let her move on?

And then approach you properly with no ties and no expectations from you?

PerverseConverse · 13/08/2018 21:22

Hills. Run. Not even read past her saying she still loves him. I'd bet my bottom dollar he's still shagging her.
I met one like that on online dating. As soon as I found out I binned him.

Freshstart19 · 13/08/2018 21:26

You are the OW.

Open your eyes!

Thingsdogetbetter · 13/08/2018 21:26

I think it's extremely cruel of him to continue to live with and lie to a woman who is still in love with him, just to get cheap rent!
He is not stupid. He knows they can't be just friends if she still loves him. He basically can't be arsed to move out and pay more rent so he is using her. He's keeping you a secret so he can keep using her. These are not the actions of a good man.
Have you meet his friends or his family? Or do you sneak around so his 'ex' doesn't find out?
The fact he talks about her all the time after 'splitting up' 8 months ago shows how deeply she is still enmeshed in his life. What man talks about his ex all the time to a new gf? How lacking in empathy and plain old commom sense is that!
This will NOT end well for you. He'll be fine cos he's a selfish ass with no empathy. He's going to break your heart AND his ex's heart because of cheap rent? Bollox.

twilightsaga · 13/08/2018 21:31

Having his cake and eating it too. Willing to bet my life he's still sleeping with her. Why else would she want him back and have him living there after 8 months. Why won't he tell her about you if they're 'just friends'? I don't know ANYONE who would want to live with their ex. You can rent a room anywhere really relatively cheap so there's just no logic to this

SummerStrong · 13/08/2018 21:32

Run like your tampon string is on fire. 🏃🏻‍♀️

SummerStrong · 13/08/2018 21:33

....and yes, they are still sleeping together. (But I'm sure you've figured that out already?)

RedPanda2 · 13/08/2018 22:01

They're still together. Men are so predictable it's ridiculous. Oh of course she still loves him, that's what they all say.
Even if it was true, why would he tell you that?
He sounds like a loser. Get rid.

ElspethFlashman · 13/08/2018 22:02

RUN FORREST, RUUUUUNNNNN!!

SendintheArdwolves · 13/08/2018 22:11

Come on, OP.

There's no way in hell you are going to fall for this, right?

Even if his account of things is true (it isn't, BTW) then he is asking you to be his secret girlfriend so it doesn't upset his ex so he can continue to get cheap rent and make her think she still stands a chance of getting back together with him.

But it isn't true, is it? They have separate bedrooms and are DEFINITELY SPLIT UP except she can't know about you and you can never stay over or call him when she's there or exist on social media or meet his friends?

Laugh in his face. He's not even paying you the compliment of telling a convincing lie.

Rednaxela · 13/08/2018 22:13

Oh my god not even bothering with a convincing lie.

Fucking hell how did you even end up on a second date with this specimen

Original poster
FairgroundMum · 13/08/2018 22:14

Ok... I’m a dumbass! 🙈 can’t believe I even had to ask!!!!!

Now you all say it... yep! I don’t know what I was thinking 🙄 thanks for making me see sense!!

OP posts:
Pinkvoid · 13/08/2018 22:14

He lives with his ex and he still talks about her all the time, they’re not major red flags for you? He’s either not over her or he’s playing you both along, lapping up the attention. Ditch his ass pronto.

MistressDeeCee · 13/08/2018 22:15

He's not much cop if he has to stay living with a woman in her house just for the sake of cheap rent, is he? Is he too tight to rent his own place? (aka "USER")

Doesn't he have a job?

Notwithstanding she's still his girlfriend anyway and that's why you're a secret -

For God's sake set the bar a bit higher for yourself.

& Don't crave a man so much that you become gullible