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Original poster

He left... because I was jealous..?

29 replies

SurfingGiantess · 13/08/2018 18:54

Hi all. Firstly I'm pregnant and might be totally hormonal which is why I'm not sure who is the weird one here.
A few months ago OH started a new job all was well. This girl started too and he kept complaining about her... a lot. So much so that she seemed to be in every conversation. Eventually what he told me about was getting less complaining and more banter between the 2 of them.
I was a little jealous but knew he would never do anything and I was mostly jealous because she was spending a lot more time with him than I was.
Anyway because she was in our relationship daily because of every conversation seemed to be involving her ...mostly negatively in fairness... I asked him to please not mention her too much anymore and leave work at work. We'd have work chats for a few minutes after work but nothing afterwards.
Today I seen them laughing and chatting and I aparently had my sulky lip on.
I was a tiny bit jealous but I knew it's more hormones than anything. Because of my lip... it all blew up and he left...
Everything went so well the last few weeks but now thinking back I did ask him a few times if he had lost intimate interest in me as he used to be sex mad but had barely touched me every 2 weeks and only if I started. The romance left a bit too but he was still lovely and cuddly towards me.

Now I think maybe I was a bit jealous because of all these things together... I shouldn't have let it get out of hand but I've had a bad day and kinda let everything out on him. It's not nice I know. But usually he'd be very understanding and hug me and we'd have a talk and all would be well.
Its never been about jealousy before.
Anyway he thinks it's all to do with jealousy which it doesn't. It was just a lip. Nothing more.
But he actually just packed and left me... 7 months pregnant.
I'm in shock. Maybe I'm horrible when I'm pregnant. .. quite possibly...
What do you think?
Please don't hammer me... I'm not in the best state of mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
SurfingGiantess · 13/08/2018 18:56

Omg reading back over this it doesn't sound like me at all... in all our years together I've never been this crazy jealous before. I'm really not the jealous type at all Shock

OP posts:
Smellbellina · 13/08/2018 18:59

No but maybe right now you have cause to be..?

Azadewow · 13/08/2018 19:01

If I were you I would start looking into finding out if there is an ow, either the coworker or someone else

GreenTulips · 13/08/2018 19:01

I think your senses are up and he knows it!

He's feeling the pressure and responaibility a baby and has run for the hills.

He knows you're right and can't justify it.

I'd ignore him for a few days and see what happens.

Be strong and show him how well you'd cope without him.

Don't get into a tug of war.

Ibelieveinkarma · 13/08/2018 19:01

Sorry but I think he's using your supposed 'jealousy' just as an excuse to leave your relationship.

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 13/08/2018 19:02

He left his 7 month pregnant GF because your lip was out?! This is not a committed dad-to-be. It sounds like he’s had mentionitis about this woman - if he talks about her in plain sight it eases his guilt about fancying her.

I would wager that he’s engineered this argument to put you in your place. If you’re now officially split he can get his rocks off with his new colleague and then once the baby is born come back and make you all the more grateful for him being there. Just make sure you never put a foot wrong because he’ll leave!

He sounds immature and you’re well rid, he needs to be supportive and loving at this point and he’s been the opposite. It may be that you’re feeling hormonal and less attractive, so he needs to acknowledge that - you’re growing his baby FFS.

I know you’ll have him back but I really wish you wouldn’t because men like this make your life a misery Sad .

Do you have family support or close friends to turn to? Whatever happens you need a network of people you can rely on. Because he’s shown that when things get tough, you can’t rely on him.

Original poster
SurfingGiantess · 13/08/2018 19:03

Do you think so?
I find it quite bad that he left over it... it was almost too easy.

OP posts:
OutingMyDog · 13/08/2018 19:03

I think that too. He likes her and is using your jealousy to and things.

PickAChew · 13/08/2018 19:03

Saying you're too jealous was likely a convenient get out for him.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 13/08/2018 19:04

Being jealous is only unreasonable if there's no reason to be and it's excessive. It's a perfectly normal reaction that you would be jealous in this situation. Most people would be.
He needs to take a look at himself and why he's making you feel this way.

Original poster
SurfingGiantess · 13/08/2018 19:09

I know I actually can't believe it... he kinda put it on me so you want me to go then?
It was horrible...
It does feel it was too easy.
I can understand a wobble but if he's driven off in a huff and is back in an hour that's one thing.
But if he stays gone he can stay gone.
I'm not a weak person. I can do it on my own. I don't have family here but I'm well able to look after myself.
If he wants to go I'm not going to beg him to come back to me.
I'm not going to be his second choice. Or anyone's.

It's just so unlike him. He's usually so understanding especially because I'm pregnant.

He'd do anything for me... only maybe not now.
I guess only time will tell and if he's not coming back today that's his loss and I was obviously very wrong about him.

OP posts:
GreenTulips · 13/08/2018 19:09

It was too easy wasn't it?

He's been planning this a while

LemonysSnicket · 13/08/2018 19:13

Not that I'm excusing him, but is there a possibility he's having a baby panic?

ILoveDolly · 13/08/2018 19:14

Most responsible blameless men would have worked hard to reassure their slightly pg gf. Everyone knows hormones make women a bit more emotional than normal. This behaviour is suspicious on his part in any case, and just upping and leaving in a huff because you dared to even show your feelings IN A LOOK is a massive red flag that he is a childish cock.

Scienceforthewin · 13/08/2018 19:19

I also read this as being zero you and ALL him. Please don't fall for blaming yourself.

Original poster
SurfingGiantess · 13/08/2018 19:19

Lemony snicket.
I'm not sure... of course he could be. We're living in a tiny cabin atm. It's warm and lovely but we've been here to save up money for a mortgage and it was meant to be done and dusted by the time baby comes along only it's not looking likely. We still don't have enough for the deposit so it will probably take another few months.
He's trying to work to get extra money in and maybe he's under a lot of pressure. I'm working but off over the summer holidays so not making a fortune either.
He knows I hate it here. Not the cabin just the area. .. so he might feel that I put him under pressure to get out of here and then I become jealous... when he's trying to make money for all of us.
Either way... if he's not back by tonight he can stay gone.

OP posts:
magoria · 13/08/2018 20:00

Can you move back closer to friends and family.

You could use their help over the next few months.

userxx · 13/08/2018 20:06

He's conveniently turned it back onto you, probably cause he feels guilty and he knows you are on to him. He'll be back.

Gemini69 · 13/08/2018 20:12

sounds iffy I agree OP.... you take care of yourself and your baby and don't dwell on your' being jealous' .. sounds like bullshit to me lovely Flowers

Lucked · 13/08/2018 20:13

Personally I couldn't be with someone jealous or possessive however if this is truly out of character then it is odd that he left. Pulling you up on it or tell you to get over yourself would be normal if it wasn't a pattern of behaviour.

Leaving a pregnant partner over one sulk - very suspicious.

Cawfee · 13/08/2018 20:48

Well he really is an arse isn’t he. Constant girl name dropping to his pregnant wife? Not ok. I would have ripped his head off way before this. I do not stand for any of that nonsense and neither should you. He’s got a liking for her and your senses have been picking it up. Normal blokes don’t act like that. He’s talking way too much about someone he’s not interested in. I bet he’s already been at it. Stick to your guns. You don’t want somebody who’s on the flirt. He’s a disrespectful piece of rubbish

Gemini69 · 13/08/2018 20:51

Jealously is the card twats pull when called out on their behaviour OP Flowers

Feckers2018 · 13/08/2018 22:12

I'm not sure this is helpful but when I had babies H worked away alot and got mentionitis about an interpreter he was working with. Said he didn't fancy her. She was a single italian girl with mousy hair so he said. Idiot.
Years later we split up and guess who he was still in touch with and they went away for weekends together. HER.
I was a bloody idiot.

dirtybadger · 13/08/2018 22:26

It's weird he watched your reaction and didn't invite you over to meet her (was that possible?). That would be the normal action IMO to make you feel more comfortable. Have you been introduced? Does seem suspicious to me Sad
If nothing's going on then it does feel like an easy "excuse".

PookieDo · 13/08/2018 23:08

I wasn’t pregnant at the time but I lived with an ex for a year who had mentionitis. She was apparently fat and annoying. I thought it was weird she bought his child a huge birthday present and he allegedly had to stay at her flat once as it was near to his work but I was out one night without him, and one of his friends took me to one side and told me I was being made a mug of becasue he had told everyone he had been shagging her even though he didn’t even fancy her. I actually felt a bit sorry for her as well as myself at that point!

It will get easier. He sounds immature and stupid to throw this away