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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He’s always ill

38 replies

Mysteriousme123 · 13/08/2018 11:54

I have been going out with my new DP for a few months now. I have already had a run in with his mum but that is now thankfully water under the bridge. Something I am starting to notice is that he always tells me that he feels sick, ill, tired, drained or is in pain and I am beginning to wonder what to do. For example last week, on Monday he said he had severe stomach ache but went to work, Tuesday he said his left ancle was really sore (I looked it it and it appeared to be fine). I told him that he should see a doctor but then said that he would “walk it off”. Wednesday stomach was really sore again but he still ate breakfast as usual and went to work and again said that he did not need to see a doctor. Thursday he said that he felt really tired, Friday he said he felt unwell and rundown. All weekend he kept telling me how tired he was so I told him to rest in bed while I went out to do the food shopping, he suddenly felt better and insisted he came with me but kept complaining throughout the trip. The week before it was back ache and chest pain. This morning he woke up and before I had even said morning, he said he felt like rubbish. I just got ready and went to work. I am at a loss what to do. He appears to be fit and well, has a healthy diet, is in his late 20s. This has been going on for the few weeks but he still has not even made a doctors appointment.

OP posts:

dirtybadger · 13/08/2018 11:59

I think there is a high likelihood that if he is in mild pain, head to toe (at different times) then you probably just have a moaner on your hands. Obviously sensible to get anything medical ruled out but he sounds like the many other people who just always need something to complain about.

dirtybadger · 13/08/2018 11:59

Unless this started all of a sudden? I sort of read as if he has always been like this.

Lynne1Cat · 13/08/2018 12:06

He really ought to see a doctor, if only to rule out certain things. My son (37) had a few years of feeling vaguely unwell, with aches, pains, muscle strains, headaches, etc. He had various tests last year, and Arthritis, MS, MD, all ruled out. The GP said it's likely my son has got Fibromyalgia (no specific test for it) and since he's been on painkillers and had physiotherapy, he's feeling much better.

HarmlessChap · 13/08/2018 13:01

Yep, he needs to get some medical advice. His symptoms (and behaviour) sounds like a woman I know, we all just thought that she was a bit of a moaner, she was eventually diagnosed with fibromyalgia.

Not saying that is what he has, just he should be checked over.

noego · 13/08/2018 14:19

Or playing the sympathy card

Original poster

Mysteriousme123 · 13/08/2018 14:22

Yes thanks for the advice. It could be fibromyalgia. I’m just a bit annoyed that he won’t see a doctor.

OP posts:

AFistfulofDolores1 · 13/08/2018 14:25

He wants a mummy.

antimatter · 13/08/2018 14:28

He may have helicobacter pylori, suggest he goes to his GP asking for tests. Pain and discomfort is bearable at times (you can eat and work)and I had to take days off due to feeling unwell until my problem was sorted out.

dinosaurkisses · 13/08/2018 14:30

My ex was like this.

He just loved moaning. It was exhausting and to be honest one of the reasons that I ended up splitting up with him.

I just thought I’d this was the amount he moaned when he was in his early 20s and ingood health, what was he going to be like with middle aged aches and pains etc? No thank you.

TastelesslyDone · 13/08/2018 14:39

You don’t need to do anything, except repeat the following each time he mentions some kind of ailment:

“Have you made an appointment with the doctor’s surgery yet?”

If yes; great. If no, suggest he does. If this carries on indefinitely, you should probably consider whether you want a relationship with someone who either moans a lot, or has some kind of condition but won’t go to the place where something can be done about it.

Melstarrynight · 13/08/2018 14:39

DH can be a bit like this, as was his mum. He's better than he was as I try not to show him sympathy too often. I think it's just the way he was bought up to worry about every little pain.

SmartyPants0 · 13/08/2018 14:42

What TastelesslyDone says...

twattymctwatterson · 13/08/2018 15:42

If he was really in pain he'd see his GP. I have fibromyalgia and actually thought I was dying before I was diagnosed. I was never away from the GP for months before I got a referral. Honestly it just sounds like he's attention seeking

Original poster

Mysteriousme123 · 13/08/2018 15:55

He text me about an hour ago saying that he feels really unwell. I messaged him back saying book an appointment with the GP and he message back saying that he will be fine

OP posts:

MoodyMumOfOne · 13/08/2018 16:17

Just tell him briskly that's there's no point in telling you he feels unwell, he needs to obtain medical advice (GP) and cut the conversation off each time by changing the subject.

ravenmum · 13/08/2018 16:19

In your position I'd look for a new bf.

A Really ill + will see doctor = fine
B Really ill + won't see doctor = PITA
C Pretending to be ill = PITA

He's not A.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 13/08/2018 16:22

I say run.

I lived with someone like this, he did genuinely have fibromyalgia but his toxic personality + the illness = every last drop of my energy and lightness being drained dry until I had to leave.

Bluntly, if your relationship isn’t spot on and you know he is 100% the one forever then brace for a very draining time.

My X’s fibromyalgia gave him a blank cheque to blame all his ills on me “not understanding” and completely popped the balloon of anything I wanted to do because he “couldn’t manage” including wanting to go to the local cinema.

Think carefully.

sunshinelollipopsrainbows · 13/08/2018 16:24

Personally, this is just like me...Im pretty sure I have fibro but dont want a diagnosis incase it disturbs my career as im used to dealing with it. Its really shit though.

RabbitsAreTasty · 13/08/2018 16:25

Sounds draining. I can't stand whiney whingers.

FuckMyUterus · 13/08/2018 16:30

1 of 2 things are happening here OP.

he's suffering from chronic low level pain, and needs to have a moan to get it out. Or 2) you have a functioning hypochondriac on your hands. If this is the case, think yourself lucky that although he whinges, he still goes to work etc.

SinkGirl · 13/08/2018 16:30

Well this thread makes very depressing reading for fibro sufferers.

ravenmum · 13/08/2018 16:35

Well this thread makes very depressing reading for fibro sufferers.
Why? Because of the one guy whose gf left him?

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 13/08/2018 16:39

only if you have an underlying narcissistic and punishing personality @sinkgirl

IHaveBrilloHair · 13/08/2018 16:41

Ask him about it, as in have a serious conversation about possibly having something that's wrong and needs seeing too.
If he won't talk/agree to an appointment he's a whingy whiner who wants a Mummy, get rid.

Lordamighty · 13/08/2018 16:47

My DM has spent her entire adult life like this. She is now in her 90s & has outlived 2 husbands, 3 younger siblings & most of her friends of a similar age group.

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