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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

He’s always ill

38 replies

Mysteriousme123 · 13/08/2018 11:54

I have been going out with my new DP for a few months now. I have already had a run in with his mum but that is now thankfully water under the bridge. Something I am starting to notice is that he always tells me that he feels sick, ill, tired, drained or is in pain and I am beginning to wonder what to do. For example last week, on Monday he said he had severe stomach ache but went to work, Tuesday he said his left ancle was really sore (I looked it it and it appeared to be fine). I told him that he should see a doctor but then said that he would “walk it off”. Wednesday stomach was really sore again but he still ate breakfast as usual and went to work and again said that he did not need to see a doctor. Thursday he said that he felt really tired, Friday he said he felt unwell and rundown. All weekend he kept telling me how tired he was so I told him to rest in bed while I went out to do the food shopping, he suddenly felt better and insisted he came with me but kept complaining throughout the trip. The week before it was back ache and chest pain. This morning he woke up and before I had even said morning, he said he felt like rubbish. I just got ready and went to work. I am at a loss what to do. He appears to be fit and well, has a healthy diet, is in his late 20s. This has been going on for the few weeks but he still has not even made a doctors appointment.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/08/2018 17:01

He's just having a moan. Agree with saying "go and see the doctor". Like a broken record every time he winges he'll soon stop.

HollowTalk · 13/08/2018 17:04

He's just a complainer and I'd be off. The reason he doesn't want to see the doctor is because he knows the doctor will see right through him.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/08/2018 17:15

What was the run in you had with his mum about!

twattymctwatterson · 13/08/2018 17:15

@SinkGirl I have fibro. It's not depressing reading because I know people don't want to constantly hear me moaning on - so I don't do it

Cawfee · 13/08/2018 17:21

Blimey. Aren’t you bored with this? Want this for the rest of your life??!! No thanks!

mrsaxlerose · 13/08/2018 17:23

I feel a little sorry for him to be honest. I have fibromyalgia and am in pain or don't feel well most of the time. I refuse to give into it and put on a good show for the world. There are times where my husband wants to do things and go places and I just want to go to bed but I put on a good face and go. perhaps that's what he is doing for you when he says he is ill and then goes out with you. I can go from healthy and bouncing one minute to doubled up in agony the next with stomach pains . Im constantly tired and drained . The appears fit and healthy ,if you met me you would not know there was anything wrong with me especially when im swinging upside down on a aerial hoop . what you don't see if the cocktail of painkillers I take to enable me to do this. He does need to go to the doctors and get it diagnosed but he may be just like me .

HollowTalk · 13/08/2018 18:41

But there's absolutely nothing to suggest he has fibromyalgia. His twinges are all over the place and he isn't worried enough about any of them to seek help.

NotTheFordType · 13/08/2018 18:55

I'm wondering if he was brought up by a mother who withheld affection and only gave care and love if he was poorly.

My son's birth mother told him that she loved his elder brother the most because "he was very poorly as a baby and nearly died"

I strongly suspect this was bollocks, but it's had the effect on my son of making him play up every little twinge or ache because he thinks it will make me love him more :(

gamerchick · 13/08/2018 19:03

My mother's like this and I just don't have the patience for it. She's done it that long I can't muscle up sympathy when she's actually genuinely ill now

Tell him to shit or get off the pot and if he's not going to see a Dr then not to whinge to you about it. It's massive attention seeking behaviour and grinds you down eventually.

caringdenise009 · 13/08/2018 19:05

I understand completely how tedious it is to hear him complain constantly because I went through it with my partner. He also complained of stomach, joint pain,tiredness, all stuff apparently completely unconnected and random whining. He went repeatedly to the GP for years and was dismissed. He eventually discovered by accident a gluten allergy. He recovered within a week of excluding it.

I was starting to feel like you, except he was trying to get the GP to help him. Your DP might have something wrong with him, but I agree with PP, he must try to find out what it is! It's just so wearing listening to endless symptoms.

Haworthia · 13/08/2018 19:08

I’m with ravenmum.

Run away from this man-baby. This will not be a wonderful relationship.

SavannahSky · 13/08/2018 19:15

I'd run too

It won't get any better will it!?

Intheg00dolddayz · 13/08/2018 23:23

How does he treat you when you are I'll ?

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