Anyone have a family member with personality disorder?

[sureitsgrand]

Just that. It's too long to go into details. But someone with PD is waging a hate campaign against my parents. They are a family member but not by blood. They have always been very close to my parents. But after a recent breakdown and a difficult time they have decided my parents are awful people. It's scary. They have said they will destroy my parents lives and 'expose the truth' about them. They have accused them of stealing money which didn't happen. My parents are terrified. They have tried staying quiet and ignoring the person hoping they will calm down. But the person is now saying they won't be ignored etc.

We are all scared as they have a history of violence and when they are ill they become very self righteous. They have spent time in prison for assaulting people they believe have wronged them in the past. I just never thought they would turn on my parents. I can see in hindsight it's been coming for a while. They are taking old conversations out of context and it's a just hateful. But they are also ill. I just hope nothing bad happens to my parents or my little family? Is there a chance it will blow over?

I just realised that was long and I did go into details!

Also paragraphs not working. But I'd be really grateful if anyone has any experience to share.

I have similar experience to this and I'd absolutely suggest going to the police. We didn't and spent years living under a shadow with the person saying worse and worse things (especially when drunk), culminating in awful issues for the family.!
Police and then a restraining order is the way to go.
Good luck

I've suggested that but my parents say they will not care, in fact they will thrive on that. They would happily return to prison to put my parents through the stress of a court case etc.

Police and restraining order. Do you or your parents have written evidence of harassment? Texts /emails?
This person can ignore any restraining orders but there would be consequences . And if they do end up in jail as a result, all the better for everyone!

People with PDs are still considered to be responsible for their own actions, in the eyes of the law, and shouldn’t be protected from the natural consequences of breaking the law. Indeed realising real consequences can change PD behaviour. So I would suggest that your parents put concern about illness to the side and report any criminal behaviour to the police as they would with anyone else.

There are texts. They have physically threatened them too but there is no evidence of that. I'm so worried. My parents are retired and don't need this. I'm sure people wouldn't believe the stuff they are saying but they are really twisting things and painting them in a horrible light. My parents will not go to the police. They are going to speak to them today to try to diffuse the situation but I'm worried it will turn physical or anything they say will be twisted further.

I have seen them in action against others, and helped them calm down but they have decided I'm brainwashed now so won't listen to me. It's terrible how the illness makes them so vindictive but they really believe it all right now.

You must go to the police as they will take notice of threats even if there is no physical evidence. My neighbour was stabbed by her ex who has a personality disorder. Speaking to someone with a pd won't work. I know this from experience. I would advise your parents not to contact this person at all. They will get worse if you feed them your time/emotion.

That's how I feel. My parents say they will make one attempt today to agree to go no contact if they stop the hate campaign. They may feel they have won and leave alone? If not then I will really try to get them to go to the police.

My parents are worried if they end this relationship then the only relationship they will have left to destroy is their marriage. If their marriage ends they may commit suicide. I've never heard anyone so vengeful and determined and opinionated. It's terrifying.

Sounds like my Dad!!

The person will not stop of their own volition as they believe they are doing the right thing.

Police is the only way to go.

Really Rosa, it's awful isn't it? This person has no children. It's awful enough seeing a family member do this, I can't imagine how it would feel to have a parent behave this way.

One of my parents (the main one they are targeting, though they are lashing out at both of them verbally) is going to visit them later today. I'm really worried in case it makes it worse. My parent says they want to give them one last chance to stop.

I have read about a 'switch' some people with personality disorder have. Hopefully the switch might revert back to a better place soon.

I've a lot of personal experience of this, as my DP's ex is either a narcissist or some sort of sociopath. She has threatened to destroy him, turn his DCs against him, she's tried blackmail, physical assault, malicious allegations of assault to get him arrested. She's also threatened me directly and there is a long, long list of things that have happened over the last 18 months.

DP is trying to get a restraining order but it's a question of how much the police listen as she has projected all her behaviours on to him and accused him of coercive control and abuse.

I feel sorry for her DCs and even more sorry for DP, who put up with 20+ years of her shit. Her main method of controlling him was threatening to kill herself and whoever was the youngest DC at the time.

She is a complete bloody nightmare and I'm aware that there is no cure. I just hope we can get the restraining order.

If your parents won’t go to the police you could go and report it on their behalf. Dont ask them just do it.
At least it would be logged in case it needs to be taken further.

I know someone with PD, we were close friends for a couple of months until I realised things weren't adding up. I didn't confront her I just gradually limited contact. She is now doing exactly the same to someone else. Emotionally draining and really fucks with your head gas lighting and needing constant attention. I'm very wary of new friends now

Yes, I've been reading up about PD and it's looking like no contact is the only way to limit any further damage. It's sad it's someone I've known since I was a child. And they are married to a member of my family. But I can never trust them again.

My sister has a personality disorder, i'm no contact with her for the sake of my sanity and life!

She destroys anyone and everyone in her life. Our parents are also no contact with her and her kids (her choice + she's moved 100 miles away) which is very hard.

We see one of her children because she walked out on him and we thankfully have a good relationship with his dad.

My sister is selfish, self centred and to be honest sometimes I feel she needs sectioning.

The most worrying thing about her is she'll come up with something so unrealistic and believe it. She once told everyone in our village that our parents were beating her so she moved into a homeless halfway house. (Truth was that the lad she was seeing (she was 16 at the time) lived in the halfway house so she moved in too)

My advise is to document everything.

It's scary. They had a few good years then have been deteriorating slowly for the last couple of years but they had a situation they were very focused on. Now that's over they've focused on us.

I employ someone with a pd. She doesnt have a filter and uses her youth as a way to laugh off any social mistakes she makes. She rushes headlong into relationships and always targets the vulnerable male who at first wants to fix her but soon realises that she wants to fix him. Thankfully she has said she has no desire for kids and has an implant fitted. She uses her psych therapies to gather further proof of how others have wronged her. Its like she is wearing a pair of glasses and through those lenses she sees something different.

speaking as someone WITH a personality disorder.. go to the police, we are exactly the same when it comes to the law. And if the disorder has been a factor they will be offered a little extra support along side punishment. Don't let your parents feel too guilty to do so because of someones circumstances, especially at the expense of their own well being

and to be honest if they have been deteriorating anyway it sounds like they need someone official to take notice

Wizzywigg did she tell you she has PD or have you worked it out yourself? I'm just wondering as stereotypically people with PD struggle to hold down a job

Funny enough my family member doesn't hold many jobs down as hates to be tied to anything or told what to do.

@blueangel1 my BFs ex kf seven years is and has done exactly the same.

Police were infuriating. BF is a big muscley guy. No one believed a dumpy little 5ft2 woman was doing the things she did even tho he had physical injuries. He was constantly treated like the abuser despite consistent outside witnesses with a catalogue of abuse theyd received off her themselves that backed up what he was saying.

Absolutely some sort of narcissist.

When the police DID start getting serious it was only over her threats towards me. And then she backed off to play innocent and spent a few weeks claiming people were hanging round her house, tried to claim her brakes had been tampered with "by a man" id apparently sent down.

She generally leaves us alone now. She is still controlling over the kids. If the relationship progresses that way (been with him a year) she will just have to get over it and she can kick off and threaten all she likes.

If he has to go to court, she will just lose more control all because she cant play nice.

PM me if you ever want to chat x

Going to see this person feeds the drama for them. There's no reasonable side to them so they see it as a show of weakness from hour parents, as well as a chance to attack, or present themselves being attacked.

I agree that you should report it all yourself. You can tell your parents you plan to do it because their safety is at risk.

I expect the family member has followed a pattern of behaviour in other situations, so they're an expert, whereas your parents are well-meaning amateurs ripe for exploitation by the family member.