6 months pregnant & relationship going down hill

[questionsquestions101]

I'm six months pregnant and partner lives 2 hour flight away, been together 8 months. We see each other regularly and plan will be to move once baby is born, can't happen before due to logistical matters. We've just spent last four days together and now really questioning the relationship because of various reasons (which I won't go into) but a couple of smaller comments he made saying; 1) my belly gets in the way of sex; 2) said he was going to give me a fish kiss (which I didn't understand, he then said it meant oral sex and it was a joke, which I didn't find funny, I'd just had shower and knew I didn't smell); 3) I showed him a picture of friend 38 weeks pregnant with twins and he said she has fat face; 4) last night together for a while and he wanted to watch football. I was over the night by this stage and just went to bed. He has been wonderful and did go out of his way to make sure we had a nice time but I can't stand all the obnoxious comments. I'm not sure if it's me being overly sensitive at moment or that I'm beginning to realise he's a dick - what do you think of these comments are they big deals or let them go ?

He's a twat. I hope you have a plan B.

Hi OP. I'm sorry , but what you have written here is some of the saddest shit i have read on MN. And I speak as someone whose H is leaving them after 23 years. It's scary but I honestly think u would be better without him as a partner.

If I’ve read your post correctly you were only together 8 weeks before you got pregnant, that could mean that both scenarios answer your question. It could be that you’re sensitive due to hormones but could also be that you are noticing he’s a fool! If my husband said those things to me I’d be fuming and if it was the early days it would have made me seriously question my like for the man as his statements seem very immature.
Make sure when the baby is born you are closest to your family and friends so that if the relationship does break down you have support.

Talk to him about it! Tell him that his coarse comments aren't funny, aren't appreciated and you'd rather he wasn't so insensitive. Not all of us think crudity is funny. (crosses arms disapprovingly).

You may have KNOWN this guy 8 months but you have not been together 8 months, & you got pg after 2 months?!

Yes you are now seeing him in his true light, when a man shows you how he is ...believe him!

Get out now before you’re tied to him for evermore.

Doesn't sound hopeful. Hope you have another plan

Of course I stand (stood) my ground on all comments and said how inappropriate and offensive they all are, and made me doubt him / his behaviour.

And yes, we only knew each other for a couple months and unplanned pregnancy.

What was his response to being called out on it? It may be that he just didn’t think?! Do you think he’s mature and ready for a baby?

He has a very responsible job and is mature (professionally). He said that I overreact and don't see funny side . I say because it's not funny , it's offensive !

OK, either he's got a juvenile sense of humour (which is not a problem as long as you have the same) or he's shitting himself at the idea of being a dad (understandable given the timescale) or he's a twat.

I think you're seeing him as he is. I wouldn't say that I really knew DP until 6 months in.

If he can't heed what you're saying, then maybe you should reconsider the relationship

Well 1 is probably true, 2 is immature, 3 is again probably true and not meant to be offensive and 4 I can understand too. Are there other reasons you are doubting this relationship? I think given the circs (no judgement from me i’ve been in a similar situation) it’s understandable you would and also being pregnant can make you feel more vulnerable. What you’ve listed doesn’t sound that bad on it’s own

Don't rush into any reckless decisions. Your hormones are all over the place at the moment just please remember that. Splitting up during pregnancy is going to cause unheaval. Ride it out and see how things are once baby arrives and see if he grows up.

I’d be more concerned with how he deals with you raising any problems at this point

1 - He’s just being truthful and probably didn’t realise it would hurt.

2 - Immature but hardly offensive, just a poor sense of humour.

3 - He’s a twat.

4 - After four days together, if he wanted to watch football, I can’t see why that is an issue. If it was a one night visit, I’d be annoyed but you’ve had him for four days. Watch it with him.

This is who he is, accept it or move on. If you are annoyed now, imagine what it’s going to be like living together ft, with a small child.

You really do need a back up plan because putting all your eggs in this particular basket, when you are at your most vulnerable, is not smart. Trial moving in together with an exit contingency strategy as a back up.

Look OP you clearly want the happy ever after but

Look OP you clearly want the happy ever after but you hardly know the man, tread carefully.

The fact that some of these comments might be "true" (according to previous posters ) doesn't take away from the fact that they are immature, insensitive and borderline unkind. Do you want to spend your life with someone like that?

I've had a long-term relationship like that, and by the end I'd lost all respect for him. It was just so depressing, difficult and embarrassing to have someone so emotionally stunted as a partner.

Just a quick cynical check on 'logistical reasons' . Is there any possibility that 2hr flight away would fall outside the EU and that baby can aid entry clearance into the UK ? If so then I think he's true feelings for you are showing..

If this is completely on the wrong track it could just be that he is behaving badly because he doesn't want a baby with someone he had known for 8 Weeks.
Of course it's a joint responsibility when a woman becomes pregnant accidentally but that responsibility in law is only financial. (If he is uk based) . However the decision to continue that pregnancy is one that only you have the right to make. Quite rightly. He has no say whatsoever. In my experience there are very few men who would be happy to have a child with someone they don't know.

I expect that he had tried to do the right thing upon the news that you wished to continue the pregnancy but the basis of the relationship is forced by the pregnancy.

If you weren't pregnant do you think he would still be in the relationship? Would you ?
It's always possible the baby may change his behaviour but it's a very very slim chance. I would be preparing for going it alone .

Number 1 wouldn't bother me as it's just a fact of being pregnant. 2 and 3 are immature and rude. 4 - you could have watched with him or suggested doing something else. It's early days in your relationship and you are both obviously under a lot of pressure due to the baby. Don't make plans to move far away to be with him or anything, but don't right off the relationship just because of those 4 things.

If you werent pregnant would you be moving together

The football thing he has in common with millions of other blokes/people. The tummy thing, probably insensitive but true. The other two things, twatty and immature comments but I think you could train him out of them.
Maybe you're having second thoughts all-round, or feeling a bit cautious due to the pregnancy, but I don't think this is a deal-breaker in and of itself.
My dh and I have been married a long time, and he's said some twatty things in the early days. He's grown up now and learned to see things my way straight and is thoroughly house-trained.

With him living away you probably have only had a a very short time in your actual company. It might have taken longer for the cracks to show.
I Find all those comments really obnoxious. I wouldn't' let the fact that I was pregnant pressure me into moving things any quicker here. He's a short term boyfriend, if he is too obnoxious for you- then dump him.

If you are going to start focusing on very specific things that are said when you are in a very rocky situation, then you can already kiss good by to working anything out.

Yes what he said is a bit of a boy will be boy type of things, probably because he's been with boys for a bit too long and they do say very stupid things together. Good to pick him up on it, stupid to hold him up to it and not move on. You have more important things to focus on right now, and that is to get to know each other better.

The reality is that if you've done things properly, you would either realised he was the man of your dream, or you would have ditched him. As it is, you are still in the 'getting to know each other stage' whilst preparing for becoming parents.

The odds against you making it as a happy couple and family are totally against you, so if you want to give it a try, you do need to focus on the positive and what there is to move forward rather than starting to resent him for what really is silly words possibly taken out of context.

He sounds really annoying, insensitive and very NOT funny.

Please do not move once you've had the baby. Stay where you have friends/family/support.

I can't see this relationship lasting to be honest if he's annoying you this much already (but totally understand why, he'd annoy me too).