Drunk argument with husband

[LizNite]

Hi, as the title says I had a drunken argument at the weekend with husband. I don’t very often drink, mum of 2 young kids and trying for our 3rd. Anyway, we had drinks at home, then went into town (kids were at their grans). I was very drunk before we even went into town so really shouldn’t have done. I was in a low mood before we even started drink so looking back I shouldn’t have drank. I was down as I recently had my second miscarriage and was down about other things (still grieving my first loss, was a late miscarriage, and my dad passed away last year) so was just feeling quite low. I started talking about all of this whilst we were sitting in the pub and he got mad and said this is not a councelling session, it’s a night out, he took my keys and went home. Leaving me in town. I should have left then but felt if i’d Gone home too at that point, we would have argued more. So I sat in the pub on my own, crying. It was about 2 hours later when I got home. I remember about an hour of that time, but 1 hour I can’t seem to allocate for, I feel like i’ve Had a drunken blackout. I’ve checked my phone, and bar ringing him and my mum, there were no other calls, but I have a memory of deleting calls from my log. I feel sick with worry that I rang someone drunk and am just waiting for that embarrassing text asking what I was doing? Or i’m worried that someone saw me staggering round town, drunk and in a state. This was on Saturday night, do you think I would have heard by now if that was the case? I hate that I got that drunk and to be honest since falling pregnant with my eldest 6 years ago I don’t really drink. I used to get in that state when I was younger but I hated that person, and I hate even more that she’s still ‘in there’ somewhere. Sorry for ranting, I just don’t know what to do x

Yeah I think your right. As much as I hated being in that state, really it was horrible having not much memory of the night, but it helped me be honest with him, and myself really, with how i’m Feeling. And thank you for taking the time to chat with me, it really has helped. And I think your right about dh, he always talks about issues that happened when he was young between him and his dad, nothing serious but he’s obviously dwelling on it and struggling to move on. X

It does sound like he would benefit from counselling too, but you need to remember it’s not your job to fix him. He needs to be a decent dad and husband not just when you are strong and tell him this, but most especially when you are struggling. And it sounds like he lets you down spectacularly when you are struggling. I would make going to my counselling sessions non negotiable.Tell him when they are and that If he books something else that is his problem- he need to cancel or take the kids with him and you will regard it as him trying to sabotage your counselling given hos many times it’s happened. It’s clearly either sabotage or a case of selfish-shit-itis. Does he ever prioritise you / your plans when there is something else he could be doing?

No he doesn’t, which I do get annoyed about, and probably up until last year i’d Say no, you have to rearrange etc. But I think cause I was so down with everything and dealing with the fall out after my dads death, I didn’t want any further arguments so I kind of just shrugged my shoulders and cancelled my plans. But I know that was wrong, if i’d Gone to councelling after my dads death I think I would have been able to deal with the miscarriages better, i’m Dealing with both at the same time and it’s jyst ended up being too much for me to handle. I’ve said to myself if he says he can’t watch the kids (have my appointment in a couple of hours) i’m Going to say you did this to me before 3 Times and look how that’s affected me, either watch the kids or don’t bother coming back, that’s how I feel i’ll React if he does try and get me to cancel, which I don’t think he will now. X