It was only casual, so why do I feel sad?

[Flairhead]

I broke up with my husband at the end of October, we had been long term, over 12 years at that point, three years married. We continued to live together, but became more like housemates, separate rooms etc. No kids.

Just before Christmas, I ended up kissing a guy from work in a nightclub following the work party. It was still early days after the break up, so it didn't go any further than that, though I think he'd have liked it to. I explained the whole situation to him and he was absolutely fine.

I didn't see much of him for a few months, but then at the end of March he sent me a game request on Facebook, I started playing and from there we started chatting on messenger. One thing led to another, the conversation got quite flirtatious and (don't judge) we ended up exchanging naked photos. We ended up meeting the following weekend and had sex.

A couple of weeks after that we had sex again, but he's been working away a lot so since then it's only been sessions of exchanging photos. I guess you could call it a FWB situation, even though we only ever had sex twice.

Anyway, over the last few weeks me and my husband have been talking, there are still feelings there and we've been together a long time, so it looks likely we're going to give things another try. So last night I went round to FWB's to tell him things were going to have to stop. I know it wasn't exactly the same as an actual relationship but I thought it was the right thing to do, to tell him what was happening before he found out from anyone else through the grapevine.

He was absolutely fine with it. Just said OK and that it had been very casual anyway so it was fine.

Now I know that neither of us were looking for any more than just fun, and obviously I'm glad he's not heartbroken or anything, but to just say OK and then that's it? Whereas me, I'm feeling a bit sad about it. This guy was only the second person I'd slept with (he knew this) plus everything that happened made me feel good about myself and boosted my confidence a bit. I guess I'm just feeling a bit down that that's ended now. But there's no hard feelings and I'll still chat to him if I see him around work, on nights out etc.

Is it normal to feel sad after the end of a casual thing, even though I'm the one that ended it?

I think you need to be attracted to someone still for things to work, if I'm honest.

I also think you've been slightly naive/trusting with the pictures that you've sent, I also think a relationship is built on trust, so whilst I'm not judging you for your liaison (though I think you may have, unbeknownst, spun a complicated web - never dip your pen in the company ink springs to mind) ultimately, at some point in time, this could come out - how will you and your husband feel then? Would you have had a liaison if things were worth returning to? I think you need to put all of your cards on the table.

Bloody hell are you guys still pretending to be in a marriage. Jesus, it gives it a bad name. Take your fuck buddy out the equation and end it with your "husband". This is a habit not a necessity and is now just a joke

I missed a page - regardless of the circumstances, it's sad when a relationship breaks down but one sided love just doesn't work - at least you gave things a try.
Please don't oook at it as a failed marriage, look at it for the positive years and times that you had together and remember, these things don't define you, who you are, or your life.

You are sad because you've chosen an unfulfilling but familiar relationship over attraction and the thrill of that being reciprocated.

The genie is out of the bottle, it's going to be really difficult to go back to it being off the table, especially if you work together.

It's time to stop living a half life with your H. You both deserve to be in fulfilling relationships and your marriage is unfortunately not that anymore.

AnonymummYou may be right, I don't feel at all guilty or regretful about what's happened, so maybe that's a sign that separating is the right thing to do.

I think I need to wait for the right moment and say to him I don't think it's going to work. To be honest he's probably half expecting it, I think it was always a matter of time. Not looking forward to him coming home....

Just so everyone knows, I ended it with my DH this morning. He was pretty much expecting it as I thought. We'll work out the next steps tonight but he'll move back into the spare room and we'll essentially be like housemates until everything is sorted.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and advice. I don't really have too many people IRL to talk to about this so it really helped to get an outside perspective.