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Relationships

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Original poster

Is this fair with money

32 replies

Paddington23 · 03/08/2018 07:09

Partner has worked hard in his field since he was 15 is now on a really good wage. I’ve just started out on the career ladder so am really on a low pay grade. I own half the house as had loads of inheritance to be able to pay for half. Partner and I share the mortgage but he pays 3/4 of it compared to me. At the end of the month he is left with considerably more money than me. He spends this on his car and saves a lot for a new kitchen. My friends all think that this is un fair and he should pay for everything and me nothing. I hate being a kept woman I like being able to spend my own money. We have discussed money and when we have kids or if billls get more expensive it will change. We discussed putting all our money into the joint account and having a card each to spend as we like once we have kids. My friends seem to think it’s so unfair that he gets to spend thousands on a car all the time and I can’t spend that kind of money. In my opinion it’s his money he’s worked hard for it I wil admit I’ve been lazy when it comes to a career or school. I don’t see why I should be untitled to his money. I’m never out of pocket I am able to save my wage and for context have more savings than him. I’m actually getting fed up of my friends thinking that he’s not nice because he chooses not to buy me everything. For us it’s very 50/50 he may pay for an expensive dinner but then I might get the next one which might be a Nando’s or trip to the cinema. My birthdays also this week and they keep saying what’s he getting you where’s he taking you. I’ve asked for one small thing and we might go see his mum and go to a really posh restaurant in London but apparently that’s not enough. I really feel sorry for my single friends who wonder why they can’t get a guy when they expect him to do everything.

OP posts:

Teateaandmoretea · 03/08/2018 07:19

I think that if you are happy right now it's none of anyone else's business.

HOWEVER if you are going to have DC you need to operate as a family rather than as flatmates. There needs to be family money your DC can't live in poverty while he spends loads of money on himself. It isn't about being a kept woman it's about being a team rather than two separate entities.

Johnnyfinland · 03/08/2018 07:26

If he’s paying more towards the mortgage proportionate to his outgoings, then I think this sounds totally fair. I feel the same as you. If he was earning, say, £100k and you £25k and he insisted on splitting the mortgage and bills 50:50, I’d say that would be unfair, but it doesn’t sound like he’s doing that. I also really struggle to get my head around feeling entitled to money someone else has earned - my boyfriend and I haven’t been seeing each other long and don’t live together and I know he earns about 10k less than me, so I would expect to pay more in real terms towards rent/mortgage etc if we ever did live together but I wouldn’t expect to discuss the exact amount we have left over for personal spends after we’ve both paid all the outgoings. As far as I’m concerned that’s our personal money to do as we please with

ALittleBitConfused1 · 03/08/2018 07:27

It amazez me how in 2018 after hundreds of years of women fighting for equal rights there are women who have this attitude.
They want to live their lives as independant women, with their own careers and rights, opinions, choices but as soon as they meet a man they expect to be financially supported.
Obviosly if you have dc things will need to be adjusted to reflect your childcare contribution and inability to work or progress your career in the same way but until then i agree with you. Why should he have to pay everything just because he has worked and achieved a better salary.

Cawfee · 03/08/2018 07:33

Hang on. It’s not fair though is it? You’ve paid for half the house. He is then getting the benefit of a substantial property at a cheap rate (because your half has reduced the mortgage cost). Really you shouldn’t be paying any mortgage. 50/50 means that your half is already paid off. He should be paying 100% of the remaining mortgage as that is funding his half. If you are paying a quarter then you need to get a contract drawn up to say that you in effect own more than 50% of the property.

KanielOutis · 03/08/2018 07:37

If the house is owned in 50:50 shares, and you have paid your half outright, then you shouldn't be paying towards the other half. You have paid your half already.

GreenTulips · 03/08/2018 07:39

So you own 50% and now paying 12.5% if the mortgage and you aren't by married?

You need to have this in writing from a solicitor because there could Ben issues ahead.

If your happy paying that, treats great, but you need it documented

category12 · 03/08/2018 07:42

I hope your half of the house is well protected legally. I think pp is right that you shouldn't be paying towards the mortgage if your half is already paid off, but I'd check with a solicitor before stopping paying into it. Otherwise paying for bills ought to be proportional, really - if you both pay the same percentage of your incomes and both have the same percentage left for yourselves.

But it would become different story if your situations change and you have dc, get married etc.

Iwouldratherbemuckingout · 03/08/2018 07:43

I also dont think you should be paying towards the mortgage if you've already funded half the house. However, you do need to think about how you would protect your future if you have DCs and your income reduces.

MountainPeakGeek · 03/08/2018 07:43

Beaten to it - can you please clarify whether you've already contributed 50% of the purchase price of the home?

Quartz2208 · 03/08/2018 07:44

Yes I agree if your ways works you own half - his half is the mortgage so he should pay for all of it

Or just combine everything

LookAtIt · 03/08/2018 07:45

I don't know about your finances but your friends sound awful. Why are you discussing this with them.

It's tricky finance wise. In theory you could be spending your savings each month so you could both end up with he same amount of fun money? Are the saving in your name?

DH and I were in the same situation when we were young and we just looked everything including my saving.

BigPinkBall · 03/08/2018 07:53

I hope you own the house as tenants in common with you being entitled to 62.5% and him 37.5%, if not then I believe you just need to put it in writing and send a copy to the land registry, give them a call and check.

Otherwise yes, I agree with you. I work with a few women whose partners earn a lot more than them and they expect huge birthday/Christmas presents and to not really have to contribute much, they’re not bothered about working hard to progress their careers because they’re kept women and quite frankly they give women a bad name.

Johnnyfinland · 03/08/2018 07:57

Hang on, did you pay half the DEPOSIT for the house or half the actual cost of the house? As others have said if you’ve actually bought half outright then you shouldn’t be paying off the rest of the mortgage, or if you are you need legal protection that you own more than 50% of it

Original poster

Paddington23 · 03/08/2018 08:22

We have a legal contest and I like paying my mortgage means I own more than 50%

OP posts:

Teateaandmoretea · 03/08/2018 08:30

But if you marry and have kids the house will become a joint asset anyway .

Johnnyfinland · 03/08/2018 08:32

In that case then Paddington I’m still in agreement, if you’re going to end up owning more of the house you’d get a higher percentage of equity in case you split (or you should do). I personally wouldn’t get married to make sure I kept what I was entitled to!

EddyF · 03/08/2018 10:03

You spill your financial set-up to your friends hence the comments. Keep things private then.

Original poster

Paddington23 · 03/08/2018 13:07

They don’t they just asked we had a conversation about views on men paying for everything she was morning that her and her new boyfriend where Arguing as he wouldn’t pay for everything I just put my views across and if we get married the contract changes he will never be intitoed to more than his share I know I’n the uk prenups aren’t fully protected in the uk

OP posts:

SoapOnARoap · 03/08/2018 13:59

Your friends sound entitled & properly batshit.

Thank goodness for equality. Also, I think OLD has made it easier for men to be choosier.

Original poster

Paddington23 · 03/08/2018 19:06

There very much of the men should do everything for me mentality

OP posts:

BigPinkBall · 03/08/2018 19:11

The thing is I can’t imagine that a man who wanted to do everything for me would be a very nice man because he’s starting from an assumption that women are somehow inferior to men.

I always feel a bit sad for women who never drive because their DH always does the driving or only work part time because their DH is the breadwinner by default and they do all the cooking and cleaning because that’s women’s work.

GrandTheftWalrus · 03/08/2018 19:43

This month I'm going to get paid about 1.5k and DP about 500. All wages go into my account and all bills will come out then we split what is left.

Will be the same next month when I get less.

Well the money won't be split as it'll all just come out the one account but if one of us is working away I split the money equally between my account and the joint account that he uses when I'm away.

ShumpaLumpa · 03/08/2018 21:24

Why do his wages go in to your account, Grand?

GrandTheftWalrus · 03/08/2018 21:56

Because his bank account went very overdrawn due to charges. So when he was working out a payment plan with them he got his wages to my account so they weren't swallowed up by the charges.

All the bills come out of mine as well. So say 2000 goes in and 1000 comes out for bills. That's 1000 we've got left for the month. Its not his or mine. Its just ours. We are also paid on the same day as we work with the same companies.

GrandTheftWalrus · 03/08/2018 21:58

I could put 500 in each account but we are normally out shopping together so it's easier to just use one account.

However he can change his wages to any account he likes now his other one is sorted. But he is happy with the way it is.

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