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Original poster

Should i trust him

29 replies

Jenny6 · 01/08/2018 17:36

I need a male point of view please on a relationship.
So 4 months ago I met a guy on a dating site, we hit it off, he was doing all the right things sayin all the right things. We had had a talk about exclusively dating which we agreed to.a month in I went out of town for a weekend with my friends and while I was away he dated another girl who he had been talking to alongside me the whole time. They met, he invited her back, she couldn't so he went home.he let her down gently a few days after by sayin he didn't wanna get involved with anyone. When I got back I knew something was different and asked if there was something as I could sense it. He lied to my face on a few occasions about it,which since he has said was to protect us, he didn't want to lose me. I didn't find out he had lied until a month on from the date and was obviously hurt and upset. I have been and still am 100% committed to him.
He still claims he went on the date because that's the dating game. Now what I have a problem with is am I just something to do until he finds what he is looking for, or can I trust that I am what he wants now and through insecurity with me being away he did a stupid thing. I'm now struggling to trust him and what his intentions are with me as he was telling me I was the only one back then when I clearly wasnt. We've been together 4 months now and it's been rocky the last month, iv got a bit paranoid. he also messaged a friend of his x saying he missed her everyday 2 months in, said his girl mate is really fit and has commented on my friends before too. Is he a total jerk or just a bit stupid and possibly a bit immature?were both 34. Help and advice please.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 01/08/2018 17:38

Oh for god's sake, I thought you were both 15!

He's a total jerk. You got it right first time.

richdeniro · 01/08/2018 17:40

Just posted this on the other thread:

That's the dating game for 'players' or those who don't respect the person they are dating.

I am a guy and you usually know after 2-3 dates max whether you really like someone and want to spend time with them so for me it would feel like I was cheating on them if I continued dating others.

I know I'm probably old fashioned but if I'm past the third date stage with someone then I would like to think we're exclusive.

4 months is a hell of a long time. I would not be able to trust someone or feel like they were in anyway committed to me if they were seeing other people. I'd say even if you became exclusive his mind will always be on others and he will be capable to cheating in the future.

UpTheBumNoBabies · 01/08/2018 17:41

You're 4 months in..... If you are already questioning the relationship this soon in then you need to end up.

richdeniro · 01/08/2018 17:42

Would also add he is likely one of those guys who will always think he can do better so won't likely have any sense of loyalty to you.

He's dated someone and invited someone back, it shows she has no real regard for your feelings or dignity.

bastardkitty · 01/08/2018 17:43

He asked her to stay but she couldn't....

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 01/08/2018 17:45

He is a player and you are part of the 'game'. He couldn't make it anymore obvious he is happy to chase other women, no matter what bollocks he is saying to your face. He is a liar and a cheat, simples.

Original poster
Jenny6 · 01/08/2018 17:53

I'd like to add that since that date, I have met his family and his son, he basically lives with me, drives 60 miles a day to work when he could just stay in the house he owns with his x (I know, weird) and spends every night with me. Since that date he's done nothing wrong. That I know of.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenny6 · 01/08/2018 17:56

Thank u for your replies.

OP posts:
MagicFajita · 01/08/2018 17:58

He dated someone else when he said he wouldn't , he admits that he sees dating as a game , he normally lives with his ex but has his feet under the table at your house...he can't be trusted.

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 01/08/2018 18:00

Wow, so after meeting him 4 months ago he is now a cocklodger aswell as a liar and a cheat?!? Dear god, ffs give your head a wobble, op!!!!

Joysmum · 01/08/2018 18:02

You’ve got a guy you only met 4 months ago basically living with you?

AnyFucker · 01/08/2018 18:05

Where to start ?...

Original poster
Jenny6 · 01/08/2018 18:19

Yeh, he works the same place as he lives which is going up for sale, he could live there which he had for 4 months after he and his x split, but would rather be with me so finishes work and comes to me a 45 minute drive.
Not living with me as such but he was going home to shower etc before coming to me but his x being there still was awkward, for him and me since reading the message about missing her. He's doin all the right things in that respect just a massive blip in the beginning. And lied about it. I get why he lied but it still doesn't help me to trust him. I get why he thought I may be doin similar while away as how did he know I was going to be faithful to him. But its the lying and the reason he even went on the date I just can't get my he'd around

OP posts:
Original poster
Jenny6 · 01/08/2018 18:19

*head

OP posts:
MonoClue · 01/08/2018 18:21

Short answer. Dump.

Rebecca36 · 01/08/2018 18:41

Tell him you want to cool it for a while. He doesn't know what he wants at the moment - maybe he'll find out in time that he wants you but he can't depend on you still being available.

It's hard when you're hung up on someone and I do sympathise but best to back away now while you're still reasonable emotionally intact - and good luck.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 01/08/2018 18:48

Bin... Why sell yourself short to a guy like that??

Bananalanacake · 01/08/2018 18:49

Does he pay you rent

sporadicrains · 01/08/2018 18:51

So he is staying over at yours pretty much all the time. Is he contributing to the household budget and taking his turn at cooking, cleaning, laundry etc?

Treacletoots · 01/08/2018 18:54

I am really sad that at 34 you have such low self respect that you are prepared to put up with this completely obvious fuckwittery.

Read and repeat. I am better off single. I don't need a partner unless they make my life better. End.

category12 · 01/08/2018 18:56

Good grief. Together 4 months, rocky for the last month, as soon as you're out of sight he's chasing other women, flirting messaging and perving other women all the while - yeah, you've got a prince among men there Hmm.

What is your major malfunction? Why is your relationship bar so low? What on earth are you bothering with him for?

Ruddygreattiger2016 · 01/08/2018 19:01

No idea why you bothered posting when everyone here is telling you he is a waste of space but you insist on excusing, enabling and 'understanding' (wtaf?) why he lies to you? You are obviously blindly desperate for a 'man' and this user must be laughing his ass off that he has landed a complete and utter mug with her own place that swallows any bullshit he comes up with.
4 months in and this is the 'honeymoon period'?????Just fucking wow.

Belliniteeny · 01/08/2018 19:04

Together four months and he broke up with his ex four months ago... Is this correct? It sounds like a convenience.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 01/08/2018 19:06

It sounds like you know he's not great OP but you're excusing his behaviour because you don't want to be alone. And you're feeding his ego while letting him trample all over you as long as you're putting up with this.

Come on now, show yourself the respect he's not giving you- dump this loser.

Hisnamesblaine · 01/08/2018 19:09

He's using you. And your letting him!