I called boyfriend a ba****d during argument and now i feel awful :(

[EmmaJenkins1]

I'm 24, he's 26. I was practicing driving to a city about 2 hours away and he was kind enough to sit with me straight after work which i was so grateful for since i need to learn for work. He even checked my car was okay for me.
Of course we've had our arguments like any other couples but i've never ever called him names apart from tonight. The only time name calling has happened is when he's said "you're being a bitch", but that's the most severe it's gone.
Anyways, i get anxious and tense driving to new places. We had a few nitpicks at each other driving there, just about direction and normal couple driving snaps.
When we arrived in the city, i was completely lost, didnt have a clue where i was going, and i was panicking scared i was going to break any speed limits since the speed was changing constantly (not used to city driving being a country girl).
Anyways, I started to feel my eyes get teary. He told me to stop being a baby. And i said "i cant help it. You do realise girls are more emotional than boys", and he said "dont use that excuse. I know plenty of girls that wouldnt cry over this!" So i said "good for them but i'm stressed and this is how i deal with it" (i'm a big believer in not being ashamed to show emotions). Anyway with him calling me a baby and the stress, i was a blubbering mess so i pulled over. He told me to get out of the car for fresh air and i said "no i just need to sit in silence" and he started having a go at me for not getting fresh air but i deal with stress differently. Anyways we managed to get back on the motorway and I said how i hated the drive there and he started listing options I have for the future. I said I feel there's only 2 options - drive here or dont take the job. And he started saying how i dont listen to him, and that he was about to list more options. I said "i might just go straight back to my house after this", he said "okay".
When we got home, i thought we'd have at least a 5 minute chat in the car about how it went because i was a sobby mess and i thought we might have a hug at least. But on the way home he said "drop me off here", i said "why?" He said "going to see my mate" so i said "oh i thought we could talk for a bit?" And he said "you said youre going straight home?" So i said "yeah but i thought we'd at least have a little chat about the events" and he said "i tried to talk to you but you wouldnt listen to me" so i said "i did listen" and he said "where would we talk? My room? You said you were going home so you clearly lied?" So i said "i didnt lie, wherever, i always speak to you when youre upset" and he said "what can i do? It's your life. I've got a mate to see" so i said "you're such a b***rd, get out of my car" and he did,
But i shouldnt have said that, i was just an emotional mess and felt so claustrophobic :( i feel really awkward with him now :(

@Bazzlebear @Quangot and @Shortstuff08 thank you for the practical advice and not jumping straight down my throat. I don't cry like that often. It was a rare occurence that i'm mortified about. I'm usually a confident driver but something just made me feel so claustrophobic yesterday.

We dont really argue that much and that's why i'm a bit sad and i feel i let myself down by calling him that.
I didnt actually kick him out of my car btw, we were outside his friends, i called him bastard, realised how much of a mess i was and told him to just get out because we were getting nowhere.
I admit i reacted really badly and i'm so ashamed of myself. We've been together for 4 years so i dont think we're incompatible just the stress got to me which caused an argument.
I'm sorry if ive offended anyone about the girls being more emotional. I just meant about the time of the month i can get a bit more emotional.
I've apologised to him and we spoke about it last night and cuddled. I think we'll be okay but i just needed to vent because i dont want to nag him about it anymore and just felt about what i called him xx

I'll take everyone's advice on board for the future though

Fair play OP, it’s not easy to look at your own behaviour and pick it apart and be able to realise when it’s not been ok.

@yetlTalkShiteHelen
Thanks for the constructive criticism. I am an emotional person. I hardly ever ever swear. I was just so worked up yesterday and i do recognise i didnt react healthily but you live and you learn

Glad you've apologies and it all seems OK now.

*apologised! Stupid autocorrect.

I shouldnt have generalised, it was probably just to make myself feel better about how i was reacting - kind of a "well i'm due a period, so like most women i'm a bit hormonal" but i shouldnt have generalised

And i admit he did nothing wrong, that's why i'm so angry at myself, I knew there'd be some tit for tat whilst driving there (the stress whilst driving haha) but i didnt expect such a huge emotional outburst from myself, I honestly scared myself!

@EmmaJenkins1 live and learn is exactly right! I used to have a hell of a temper (throwback to my abusive marriage) and I didn’t know how to hold it. Then I met DP and the first (and only) time we argued I raised my voice at him (he hadn’t done anything wrong) and the look on his face stays with me even now years later. I made a conscious decision never to make him feel that way again, and 7 years later I haven’t.

We don’t argue, that’s not to say we don’t disagree or get pissed off with each other, but we’ve learned how to sort it out without arguments because it makes us both feel shit.

If you're both friends again now there's no need to feel awful- as I say, it'd be weirder not to have occasional episodes between you like that I think!

Clearly he imagines you as a stronger more robust person than you sometimes feel- I'd take that as a compliment.

It's normal to have huge emotional over-reactions sometimes, but don't allow that to define you or become the norm for you

(Also, would be worth asking him to teach you how to check your own car over- really important life skill, not man skill)

Erm OP why were you on the motorway? If your bf isn't a qualified driving instructor that is illegal.

Following your recent posts - honestly op, I think you should have some advanced lessons. Driving is a great freedom and you should be able to enjoy it.

I’m not emotional in the same way as you however find my boyfriend (who can’t drive) wildly irritating and distracting as a passenger. My toddler is less of a distraction and it can make me really snappy.

Knowing this, I had a frank conversation about what I expected from an adult passenger. Order was restored.

To be fair I don't think either of you covered yourself in glory there so try not to take it to heart

He shouldn't have called you a baby and threw his toys out of the pram as well

No it's silly to say girls are more emotional than men...frankly that's a cop out and does women a great disservice

I would query that you are ok driving...i can't say I ever needed to take someone with me practising a route ( but I entirely accept I drive a huge amount and am a lot older so I accept it may be my skillset but not for everyone) however not being able to complete a drive without breaking down,crying and pulling over is excessive and seriously reconsider taking a further driving course

All that said...i assume he knows you well and if he knows you are like this then he should have kept his temper and been prepared for it

Glad you made up but it would be worth reviewing your confidence driving and perhaps taking a course

@Notmany i am not a learner driver.

I've heard of many people who like to practice routes with friends and family. It's not absurb. I've been driving for 3 years and this is the first time it's happened. Like i said, i am okay at driving. Never had an accident and never had points. We've all made mistakes as drivers.

A) get a grip
B) bastard is really the worst thing you've ever called him? You clearly haven't been together very long 😆

ah OP If you can't see how U you are i think there's limited hope!
Yes driving is severely stressful for some, new areas, the city etc, yep all true. However he sounds like he was pretty supportive even though you spent the whole time trying to turn it in quite the drama, and are making it impossible for him to win.

You're 24 years of age, part of owning a car is knowing how to 'check it' and use it and you don't need a penis to be the authority on that matter.
You do yourself no favour with this 'time of the month' and girls vs boys absolute sexist rubbish, honestly that would be funny if it wasn't so backwards.

I have every sympathy for your obvious anxieties, however you cannot reasonably expect to have so many, and other people to cater to them and react within the exact parameters you need to calm down, such as silence, being alone one minute, a hug and attention the next, assuming your partners evening plans will be what you expect, just because you want it, without even saying what you want in a mature way. It will put people off, and is not a coping strategy. The other person in the relationship is there to support and comfort of course but they are not a parent and shouldn't have to run to hug you and make you feel better regardless of who's fault it was or the cause.

You really should consider to seek help if your anxiety is that bad, or you feel unable to cope with your emotions at the 'time of the month'- there is plenty of help available.
Reading between the lines if you are looking to make this journey daily for a new job, for your own sake seriously consider whether this is wise , perhaps it would be better to reapproach in the future once the driving anxiety has improved or you know the route better. Suggestions of getting sat nav, which tell you speed limits/lanes etc, are actually very wise. It could aid the fear of the unknown for you quite a bit!

We all get upset and lost the plot from time to time, if this is really that then apologise to him for the name calling, but also for your behaviour, and discuss without getting in a strop, how you as a couple can manage this situation in a way that suits you BOTH, should it arise again, perhaps he would prefer you did or didnt do certain things to.

Use a sat nav next time - and if your so nervous about driving on a motorway, there are instructors that specifically have lessons for motorway driving - if anything OP, it’s dangerous to other drivers if folk get scared/emotional/anxious while driving, it’s not responsible. Good luck.

Op - you've had a hard time on this thread. I 'practice' new routes, esp if I have a time constraint, just because I hate being stressed about being late.
And I hate GPS. I like a map, so I can see more than just the road ahead - nearby towns, so i know roughly where I am, other main roads coming up in the far- (rather than near-) distance... This does mean I have to pull over, or study it the night before.
My SIL (who is 60yo) always has to have someone with her in the car unless she is going to work. Something to do with her 'depression'; no problem driving, even in London, but she can't drive alone.

I think the breaking down in hysterics is OTT. If you feel unhappy with the driving, pull over and let him drive. Or pull over and look at a map, or just get a coffee from a service station or something. Calm down, because the hysteria will not help anyone, and certainly gains you no sympathy, even as a 'girl'

All the people commenting at the end, you’ve not RTFT have you?

OP, to be fair to her, took it on the chin and realised her behaviour wasn’t on, and they’ve sorted it out. Not sure what else she can do???

Meh. I've called dh far worse, and he hasn't filed for divorce yet.

Shmithecat you sound proud of that. Why? It’s not a race to the bottom!

ShiteHen not proud. Just stating fact and trying to show the OP that it's not the end of the world. Bloody hell...

Verbally abusing your partner isn’t the end of the world. Right got it.

It’s still a really shitty thing to do.

How about some Advance Driver training? I think that's what they do - teach driving under different conditions.

FWIW although you did behave badly I do understand that emotional meltdown after stress. You have just been through a stressful experience and you were upset. He was in fix it mode and you needed space to vent and maybe be comforted. But sadly you can't dictate his reactions and should not expect to.

Meh you've admitted you were unreasonable and apologized to him. I would seriously recommend getting some professional driving lessons for motorway / city driving, even if you end up not taking this job you never know when you might need those skills. Learning from a loved one never ends well.