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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found out my mom used to be a prostitute

35 replies

Fall3 · 31/07/2018 18:43

So I'm married and not in my mom's house anymore and recently her friend and her for into a fight and her friend texted me how my mom is crazy etc. So I decided to do a background check on my mom and found out when I was just a baby she got arrested twice for prostitution.. I haven't told my mom I found this information but now I feel my whole life has been a lie... what should I do?

OP posts:
ClaryFray · 31/07/2018 18:45

Nothing. Everyone has a past, your mum had a unique way of making money is all. She provided for you I assume. If let it go. It effects nothing now.

slovenlys · 31/07/2018 18:46

And block the "friend"

HoleyCoMoley · 31/07/2018 18:47

You don't know why your mum needed to do this, she hasn't discussed it, her life could have been very difficult and she had no choice at the time. Do you still have a relationship with your mum, if you can find the strength I would ask her, her friend should not have told you, she clearly isn't your mum's real friend.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 31/07/2018 18:47

It’s none of your business!

Bombardier25966 · 31/07/2018 18:47

Why has your whole life been a lie?

What kind of background check did you do, and on your own mother?

DNAwrangler · 31/07/2018 18:48

Another vote for nothing. You can't change it, and it's not really any of your business.

DNAwrangler · 31/07/2018 18:49

And who is this 'friend'? Who argues with their friend and decides to text the DC that the mum is crazy?! Takes one to know one.

Ummmmgogo · 31/07/2018 18:49

please be careful you could get fired for doing unnecessary background checks

snozzlemaid · 31/07/2018 18:49

How did you do a background check?

Theimpossiblegirl · 31/07/2018 18:50

Nothing, she must have been desperate. Let the past lie.

HollowTalk · 31/07/2018 18:50

I doubt it's on Google if it was so long ago. What other kind of check could you do?

HollowTalk · 31/07/2018 18:50

Are you in the US, OP?

cantgetadecentnewname · 31/07/2018 18:52

NOTHING !!! Your dm sold her self probably to put nappy’s on your ass and food in your belly when you were a baby.

NotNachoing · 31/07/2018 18:52

If she was doing that and got out of it then I think I'd be rather proud of her. Lots (not all, but lots) find it hard to leave sex work if they got in voluntarily because the money is hard to find elsewhere. For those that weren't involved voluntarily it's harder for other reasons to leave it behind.

TwitterQueen1 · 31/07/2018 18:52

Why has your life been a lie?
It's none of your business - your mum is still the same person she was yesterday, last week, last year.
And where did you get this information from?

Troll?

AnnieAnoniMoose · 31/07/2018 18:52

Quit being a drama queen for starters.

Your whole life has been a lie? Why? Because your mum did something she didn’t tell you about?

Yes, I’d be surprised. Very surprised. But I would accept she had her reasons and was entitled to do what she wanted with her body and that it didn’t impact me one bit.

If she’s fighting with her best friend she needs your support not you being a drama lama over her past.

Justgettothepoint · 31/07/2018 18:53

People are usually pretty desperate to have to do this. I would leave it and don't mention it to anyone else not your dh either. You don't know all the facts it's your mums private business. Leave it in the past where it belongs.

Lweji · 31/07/2018 18:54

Hmm Background check?

TheClientList · 31/07/2018 18:55

I know it's shocking to you but have you ever wondered why she did what she did! Life can be hard and she could of been in a situation where that's the best she had or could do. I wouldn't judge her in anyway I would try see outside the box and to understand people get into situations that they never ask for.

AnnieAnoniMoose · 31/07/2018 18:56

I expect so TQ. School holidays...but it’s worth posting anyway as it might help someone else come to terms with something similar.

Jjjjigoo · 31/07/2018 18:57

I think the friend is kind of crazy too. Talk to your mom. Get her side of the story. She may have been desperate.

FiestaThenSiesta · 31/07/2018 18:57

Well I disagree she’s the same person to the OP because clearly the OP feels she’s not. And some random stranger on the internet doesn’t get to invalidate your feelings about your own mother, for fucks sake.

Do you want to explain, OP? Clearly you agreed with this friend that something serious was happening to your mother’s mental health if it lead you to run a background check on her.

Rebecca36 · 31/07/2018 19:00

I don't think much of your mother's friend, frankly, she should have kept you out of their row.

However, now you know. What you didn't know wasn't hurting you, now you do know it does.

You mother's circumstances at the time of her offences must have been very difficult indeed so try to show some compassion and think of her as you have always know her. She doesn't do it now I presume so it's part of her past. Many people have a past that they don't want to share. It's a pity you ever found out but she's still your mum, she tried to protect you - and it's over.

Original poster
Fall3 · 31/07/2018 19:00

You can actually do background checks legally in the u.s. thanks yes she had 3 kids at the time..probably just went to diapers and formula I suppose.. I just wasn't sure if my dad was pimping her out for his multiple drug arrests

OP posts:
Bombardier25966 · 31/07/2018 19:02

Did you discover the multiple drug arrests on another background checks?

With this and your other issues, have you thought about therapy?