Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can I relocate my children - pregnant

31 replies

OopsUpTheDuffAgain · 31/07/2018 11:54

I won’t bore you with the details, but STBXH and I are going through a divorce. We’re still living in the same house and were working towards 50/50 custody.

I have since v newly fallen pregnant with my boyfriend. On one hand I’m ecstatic and the other terrified.

BF lives several counties away. What are my chances of being able to relocate my children so baby can be with it’s father and my DCs with me and their new sibling??

OP posts:
Shmithecat · 31/07/2018 11:57

Well, if you're working towards 50/50, moving counties away isn't going to help is it? Why can't your bf move nearer you? Surely it's fairer for him to up roots to be with you and your new baby than you moving your already present dc away from their father?

Original poster
OopsUpTheDuffAgain · 31/07/2018 11:59

Well... yes, maybe. He has his own children and they are a bit younger. And schools happen to be better where he is.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 31/07/2018 11:59

it depends your husband can fight it and to be honest I suspect he might - given you are relocating them he may well win

Why isnt your boyfriend moving?

Shmithecat · 31/07/2018 12:01

Your stbxh can try and block it and tbh, unless there's anything untoward about him that you haven't told us, he'll probably win.

Shortstuff08 · 31/07/2018 12:01

So your kids dad is a good enough parent that you would be happy with 50:50 care.

But you think it's ok, to take your children away from him?

He can fight you on it and probably will. Why not leave the kids with your stbexh

Girlundercover · 31/07/2018 12:08

Wow. How long have you been with the new guy to consider this? Not long I’m guessing if you’re still living with ex.

Surely the upheaval on your kids would not be worth it.

freetoagoodhome · 31/07/2018 12:10

Surely the better scenario is that your BF moves to wear you all are, and travels regularly back and forward to his DC, rather than you having to travel the SC back and forward with a new baby to get them to your ex? Not ideal for his kids either though. Maybe he should stay where his current kids are and travel to see the new baby. Someone’s going to have to do the travelling either way, but shouldn’t be your ex or his. Bit of a shit show all round!

SillySallySingsSongs · 31/07/2018 12:13

If I was your STBX I would seriously fight it. Especially if he is going for 50:50 as you say and tbh I can see him winning.

LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 31/07/2018 12:13

So you would take your children away from their father who you consider a good enough parent to otherwise have 50/50 custody? Confused Quite rightly, you won't be allowed to do that.

HoHoHoHo · 31/07/2018 12:15

Can't you and your boyfriend both move somewhere between the two places? It seems fairest on everyone.

1Wanda1 · 31/07/2018 12:19

It will depend largely on how old your DC are and, if they are old enough for their opinion to be considered by a court (no fixed age but minimum age for this is probably around 12), what their opinion is.

If they are young and/or don't want to go and their dad applies to court, I cannot see any family judge allowing you to uproot your DC and move them away from their father, friends, and presumably all they know, so that you can be with your new boyfriend.

SoyDora · 31/07/2018 12:20

How will you manage 50:50 living several counties away? Will they go to 2 different schools, 1 for the first half of the week and 1 for the second?? Not sure you’ve thought this through.

freetoagoodhome · 31/07/2018 12:22

I think she meant they were working towards 50/50, but no now Sue to new circumstances?

freetoagoodhome · 31/07/2018 12:22

*not now due to new circumstances

Lalaisloopsy · 31/07/2018 12:24

So you want your new baby to be with it's father but your other dc have to move from theirs who they currently live with along with you.

Please think about your existing children here your baby won't know better they will. Get them used to you living apart before you go chucking step daddy in the mix.

SoyDora · 31/07/2018 12:26

Ah ok, makes more sense.
Poor guy.

Original poster
OopsUpTheDuffAgain · 31/07/2018 12:33

So STBXH isn’t a great Dad tbh. But, not bad enough to warrant not considering 50:50 (or more like 60/40 would be my preference) but most certainly not good enough to be given full custody.

BF is a wonderful father and would be the most amazing influence on my kids.

But... of course you’re all right. I’m not thinking straight. I can’t move my kids away from everything they know. And I can’t / wouldn’t ask my bf to move away from his children.

So that leaves two choices. Lose the baby or have the baby and bf sees it part time.

Yes, shit all round.

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 31/07/2018 12:33

Hmm let me get this straight, your children are currently living with both their parents but you’re want to move away to live with new man and you’re pregnant. FFS! Think about your existing children and their needs.

AgentJohnson · 31/07/2018 12:35

If I was your Ex, I’d fight you all the way. Sort your shit out but don’t expect your Ex or children to bear the consequences of your irresponsibility.

Wolfiefan · 31/07/2018 12:35

TBH if I hadn't gone through a divorce yet I wouldn't be getting my kids to meet a new bloke. Let alone having a baby with him and moving it. Hmm

Quartz2208 · 31/07/2018 12:35

How often does your boyfriend see his children and what is the relationship with his ex like

Because no you cant move unless your stbxh is on board with it -

SoyDora · 31/07/2018 12:36

How long have you known your BF?

LunaTrap · 31/07/2018 12:37

So your kids currently live with you and their father full time, and you want to move them away to live with a new bloke? Do they even know him? Sounds very unfair and chaotic for them.

pinkhorse · 31/07/2018 12:40

Very unfair on your children.

Bellabutterfly2016 · 31/07/2018 12:40

Plenty of families when a marriage breaks down, people relocate for various reasons, work, being nearer family etc but if the childcare is 50/50 then that's a bit different because both parents need to be near to the school, kids activities etc etc...

One of my friends was in a similar situation and her ex husband stood his ground and basically the court ruled it was unsettling for the kids and so ruled that he'd have them from Monday night when he picked them up from school and their Mum (my friend could have them Friday night after school all weekend until Monday Monday) which wasn't going to work very well as the kids had weekend activities near their old family home where Dad lived and my friend was planning on moving 80 miles away
My friend had to have a re-think and stayed put in the end.

It's difficult but so many logistics to consider

Swipe left for the next trending thread