Love being single

[lola212121]

I know a lot of women - thinking of old acquaintances and women I hear talking -feel very low when not in a relationship . I'm 31 have had numerous failed relationships and 3 children and have reached the point where I don't want another relationship, I have been single 4.5 years . I am attractive , I am slim and get a lot of attention even without make up but I think what a waste because I don't need attention ...but I'm thinking I won't be regarded as attractive in a few years time so should I maybe make good use of it and start dating ? however the thought of getting involved with a man doesn't even appeal to me . I like my freedom too much , I also have a very busy life . . . I think the reason I'm writing this post is to generate discussion about why people feel the need to be in a relationship ? And to help people feel better about being single ...even at a young age .

I've been single for over 4 years now. I love it.

I do accept that it has a lot to do with my personality. I'm not very affectionate in general, I don't like cuddles and sharing a bed with someone (it makes me feel claustrophobic). I'm very confident and know my own worth so I don't need a partner to validate that for me. I've been a single parent since DS was 10 months old and to be honest I'd find it more of a hassle having another bloke around trying to parent my child than doing it alone.

I had a fwb for a while which was ideal but I got bored of him after a while. I'd be open to that idea again in the future but I'm not fussed at the moment.

I'd never say never to a relationship but he'd have to be someone really worth it and I've yet to meet anyone who fits that.

I’m long term single too. Been on my own about 3 years after last long term relationship ended. I had another relationship last year but that ended badly and reminded me why I’m better on my own. My home, money, time etc are all mine alone. I can’t imagine ever finding someone special enough to sacrifice my time and space. I’m not looking for a relationship because I don’t want one. I often get asked ‘why are you single?’ Because I choose to be. There’s nothing ‘wrong’ with me. I’m happy with my life, I have good family and friends, a good (stressful!) job, a nice home. I’m not sure I’d change anything (unless Tom Hardy turned up)

I'm very happily single and definitely don't want another relationship. Divorced 5 years, 3 DC and I love my solo life. I can have the house how I want it, go to bed and read when I want, have a bath at 1am, eat the food I want when I want, the list is endless.

To be honest I see it the other way round, that expectation that women should want to be in a relationship and be at the mercy of someone else's moods and expectations whilst picking up the lions' share of the drudge work, is a huge con perpetrated on women.

Having seen the light I will not be going back. I'm at the age (mid fifties) where a lot of my friends are also solo (they range from ten years older to ten years younger than me). All of them have said they will never live with anyone again.

36 and single, I do OLD but when it gets to them staying over I realise how much I like my own space. I don’t think I have ever been happy in a relationship, I hate having to tell someone where I am going and what I am doing, hate having to justify spending money and hate having to consider someone else’s feelings (and the mind games, guessing what someone else is thinking).

I think when I’m older I would like to find someone but I’m not sure if I will be able to put up with anyone or if they could put up with me.

I'm 43 and single, and happily so for the most part. Like Love I like my own space and independence. I'm having a wobble at the moment because The One That Got Away has been sniffing around and it has made me miss all the nice parts of the relationship (amazing sex, lots of laughter and intimacy) but there were too many negatives as well.

So I feel a bit lonely right now. I know not all relationships are perfect but I want that feeling of someone having my back.

But I'm not sure if I'm ready for dating again. I've just downloaded an app but finding it hard going because I don't know what I want, so maybe staying single is the easiest thing! No heartache, no drama...

I hated being single mostly because I thought people were silently judging me about my inability to have a successful relationship. What an idiot I was. I bloody love my husband but if for some reason we weren't together I know I would 1000% embrace being single again.

The freedom, the peace, the space to just be yourself.

Horses for courses. I don't judge anyone either way, but I think there is still a residual, silent pity for spinsters (fucking hate that word!).

Yutes why the ?

Do you find it so impossible to accept that someone might enjoy being single? Why shouldn't someone start a thread about this?

I've been ambivalent about this all my life.

I basically prefer being single in terms of a way of life. I find men difficult to live with and feel claustrophobic in long term relationships -- I feel much more in control and usually more fulfilled and able to get things done when I'm on my own. I get enough companionship from my friends and my daughter that I don't feel I need a partner for that. And there are very very few people who don't bore me if I'm exposed to them day in, day out.

On the other hand I am an incurable romantic beneath my cynicism and I love sex. One of the greatest ironies for me is that I dislike one night stands for the reasons most people dislike them (sleazy, leaving you feel empty and potentially used), but I find commitment sex after a certain point dull and unfulfilling. My ideal sexual relationship would be somewhere between the two but of course that doesn't really work.

I'm not really cut out for long term relationships and I basically function better as a lone unit. I still crave romance and the companionship of a settled relationship from time to time. I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never resolve this dilemma and need to make my peace with it.

It's all well and fine when you have all the things mentioned above - children living in the house with you , job etc . Try it when you are older living on your own and retired .

Without being man bashing I find men really irritating
I would like to have sex again one day so open to that but I think men assume women are some complex creatures with all these hidden meanings who play games and it just fucks me off. If I am 50 and kids have left home then I will go travel the world making friends in my spare time, it doesn’t scare me. Why can’t you do that when retired? Do all retired people sit at home lamenting the lack of man?

I’m not reluctant to have a relationship exactly, but I have a dc, a job I love and a house I like living in. I am v lucky.
The last three times I have started the first stages of a relationship, one didn’t like that he thought I earned more than him and got in a strop (we hadn’t discussed it), one wanted me to “get rid of dc for more weekends” and the third kept insisting I sell my garden to a developer.
I’d like to meet a man who wants to be around us, without there being an “angle”, but that seems quite hard to find.

NewtoOLD why should being in a couple, as opposed to having good general companionship from friends, make retirement any easier?

My parents had plenty of older, single women friends who have fantastic networks and freedom (and money) and seemed to have a ball on their own without men. Some of them had FWB type scenarios too.

By contrast, I often look at older couples who seem to have more or less moulded into one another, and quite often it seems that the driving forces are mutual dependence and need. Particularly older men, who quite often retreat into themselves and become heavily dependent on their wives for more or less everything. It's extremely unattractive.

The ideal, of a genuine life-long companionship with someone you love and enjoy spending time with, is obviously the optimum, life-enriching and supportive and I think most people would prefer that if that was on offer. But to be honest in a lot of cases those very long marriages can look like two people clinging on to familiarity like the wreckage of a sunken ship. Logistics and financial reasons aside, I fail to see why that's any better than being on your own.

but I think there is still a residual, silent pity for spinsters

I think a lot of people have to convince themselves to feel pity because they just can't admit to themselves how jealous they are

Haha very true Clairetree1!

username at no point was I advocating long term marriages and staying in one as a better alternative to being on your own when older ! I have all of what you refer to but would love to be in a relationship with a man which is more than a FWB. What I AM saying is that for ME I personally find it a very lonely existence once you are in that front door on your own and you cannot know what it is like until you have been there . When women have kids still at home they are not living "alone" no matter what they think .

So I 'm looking for a new one :-)

I’m looking forward to my children leaving home (if they ever do, one has SN’s and may never be independent), if they do leave home I will probably travel a bit. I already have several hobbies which I can do alone or with others, I have a few friends that I meet up with from time to time. I do get lonely In the evenings when I can’t go out and keep busy, I can’t always get childcare so often I feel a bit trapped (more so at the moment as the kids are on school holidays). I think it would take someone quite special to make me want to be in a long term relationship as men tend to get on my nerves easily. I have been dating someone who I thought ticked most of my boxes but now he’s showing his true colours I think I’m going to run for the hills and stay single.

I think if you've had the good fortune to have the children you want to have, single life is definitely preferable. It's more secure in many ways! And sex in the internet age isn't so very hard to come by...

Pretty sure that the research evidence suggests that post-menopause, single women are happier than married ones. I know quite a few happy single women over 50. I suspect it's mainly younger women who feel an urgency about getting attached. Friendship/companionship can come in all sorts of forms, and singleness and loneliness are less related than we assume (there are plenty of lonely married people, too).

Do you not miss sex OP

Most sex is in all honestly crap though isn’t it?
I miss it sometimes but that’s usually around ovulation and that soon goes away and I forget about it...

I don’t know where to start with the debate about Having children living at home... I spent 10 years trapped in the house from 7pm at night becssue they were in bed asleep! If you have no kids at home you can go out whenever you like for however long you like. When kids are older you still have to factor in all their washing, cooking etc, I might see my teens for a little bit in the evenings but they have their own lives now they aren’t there to entertain me! What I want to do is still far down the list under making sure they have what they need, then flopping onto the sofa at 9pm like a zombie. If I didn’t have all those things to do I could be doing something a lot more fun. But that is part of parenting. Just not really quite right that having kids at home is less lonely, it can still be lonely doing it all alone and spending every night for years indoors alone while they sleep!

pookie I agree regarding kids, I feel trapped at night, if you don’t have kids at home you can do what you like, stay out all night if you like and go on holidays?

Sex is easy to find, good sex not so easy to find, I would love to find a good FWB but I find it hard not to get attached.

I once had a counsellor who told me that almost without fail, men are better off in relationships and women are worse off.

I'm hanging onto that thought.

I've been single for almost 3 years now and love it, have absolutely no plans to get into a relationship again. I can do what I want, when I want, without having to 'compromise' or take turns. I don't have to pick up and clean up after someone (last boyfriend was a right lazy twat).

And I don't have to share my popcorn with anyone at the cinema.

Most sex is in all honestly crap though isn’t it

This is 100% true in my experience! Any relationship I've been in, the guy stops making any real effort after a while and it becomes very unfulfilling. Tried FWB a couple of times over the years, same thing. More so actually as they only cared about their own pleasure! I've realised bad sex is worse than no sex.

I can't see my self getting into a relationship again. I tell my friends "no man will treat me better than I treat my self". If I want flowers, I buy flowers. I don't have to drop massive hints to someone else in the hope that they'll buy them for me! Or begrudge buying them my self as I feel my partner should. And so on. I miss hugs. That's about it. And for me the trade off isn't worth it just for hugs.

My FWB in the past always just ended up annoying me. Either I really fancied them and would get annoyed if they blew me off at the last moment or I didn’t fancy them that much and was going through some cringe motions by the end. And yes - not really caring so much about my pleasure and more invested in recreating scenes from bad German porn and asking me for naked selfies (which do not turn me on)

I’m ok, having had my fair share of sex, I seem to be managing without... It isn’t like I don’t have an imagination of my own. I wouldn’t turn down a quicky if some hot bloke moved in next door but equally I have no real desire to go find anyone to have sex with

Rather than sex I actually like having good conversations and I have friends for that