Is it me or can being a mum be a lonely business (for SAHM's)

[boo64]

I'm just curious - before I had ds I imagined I'd spend days sitting in coffee shops chatting with lots of new found mummy friends and it'd all be a social whirl.

My antenatal group was a bit of a funny one so we didn't really stay in touch - too geographically spread and with those of us who did stay in touch, things largely fizzled out when people returned to work.

I'm not shy and I'd hope i'm not too annoying (although I do seem to manage to 'kill threads' on here quite often so maybe I am!!) I've made a couple of nice mum friends nearby but we only meet once a week which leaves an awful lot of time with just me and ds alone. He is fab but at 2 he doesn't have so much to say yet!

I do admit I am slightly fussy about friends - I think it needs to go beyond just having kids as the common factor - that was fine in the early months when we talked nappy contents and swapped sleeplessness stories but now I'd want to have something else in common as well.

Is my experience the norm or do you all have a massive social life packed with playdates??

Thanks Madamez. I guess people don't change just because they have children. People in this bl**dy "village" are so unfriendly anyway. Anyway, must go to bed now.

And Wrinklytum!

Night.

nite nite x

Yep the rudeness thing is pretty awful but hopefully the exception rather than the norm everywhere - well that's what I've found. There's always one rude one in each group!

1dilemna Interesting that you find those areas cliquey - the grass is always greener so useful to know that it isn't better elsewhere necessarily.

Ds is at nursery 2 mornings but as it is a full daycare type place rather than a pre school, most of the mums work. I have started to chat to one particular mum though and invited her and her dcs to ds's birthday.

I am lucky in that my ds is good at occupying himself (he is pottering and mooching as I type) so at least I get breathing space to post on here or call those friends of mine who live to far away to meet up with often.

Yep think it must get easier as they get older and you can go for longer days out etc.

hi to all - have a good day

I find the rudness thing strange. I mean why? Why on earth be gratuitously rude to someone who has done nothing to you? It makes no sense. I think it's very easy to look at people and imagine their 'perfect' lives all happy and smiley but everyone has their problems! Although having said that for some people life seems to be so easy (but then why the rudeness...). I think remember for most 2 year olds they would be playing alongside their 'friends' not with and if you were hanging around coffee shops your ds would be very very bored! The other thing is that I think for lots of people their 'social life' is kickstarted by their antenatal classes but seem to have gathered from here that it seems to expand once they start school. 2 nice mum friends meeting once a week sounds pretty good to me. You could always have another to give your ds a playmate . Seriously it will get better.

the sad reality is that mums groups can be a bitty competitive/baffling

like when some one asked me
what will u do if u dont get baby into particular primary school...eerrrr baby was 6 weeks old..

i was disappointed with the sahm lark and ecstatic to return to work..missed adult stimulation

yes i had a baby but i was still me didnt feel happy solely talkin baby stuff

BUT there are heaps of smashing sahm maybe in near future u get too hook up

SM - I'm in N20 - so not far from N10....I can get there in 15mins or so in the car.

Maybe we should meet up - Highgate Woods?

How old are your dc's? My ds is just coming up to 2.

Do you know N20 much? The mums round here are a very mixed bunch a couple of nice ones, a couple of very glitzy types with endless manicures and big hair and then a fair few who just have such different lives to me that it's hard to find common ground - although not impossible and I'm open to chatting to anyone.

i just got back from day at highgate woods

Lucky you! Perfect day for it - bet the cafe was packed!

Thank goodness decent weather has arrived!

Well, yes it can be, although I tend to be fairly content with my own company. When dd was born (had been a wohm with ds) I attended the opening of an envelope, just to talk to people who didn't coo and vomit.And luckily, I met a woman who had the same (appalling) taste in music, clothes, tv etc as me and I don't doubt that we would have been friends even without the common bond of children. Sadly she's moved away (sniff sniff), still in constant contact. Have met other people who are 'on my wavelength' but I still think these sort of people are quite hard to find, I've just been lucky.