Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Stayed out until 8am with work woman then sent this message

46 replies

Prettysureitsnotok · 29/07/2018 02:55

My boyfriend of 5 years came home drunk at 8am. Couldn’t talk sense to me, but used my laptop at 8.30 to send this message to the woman he was out with:

“hi,,
im such a twat,
they wouldnt let me back in because i was toooooo fucked and i am really embarrassed, i had a really nice time anyways,
but can you calggju
if not then thats ok i guesss but it would be really aprciated if we can, i know its alot f but if we can a have qituick char it wuld be grest ;my - my number is xxxxxxxxxxx
thankw xx”

I’ve been nothing but an occasional afterthought since he started this job, is this as bad as I think it is?

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMoose · 29/07/2018 03:04

How long has he been in this new job?

I wouldn’t be happy reading that message either, but on the other hand it’s the sort of message I could see me having sent after a work night out, without being sexually interested in the bloke, just wanting to finish a conversation.

You know your bf, I’m guessing you have reason to suspect he’s be up to no good given the chance?!

TheQueef · 29/07/2018 03:06

From that I would decode he's trying to start something with her or escalate it.

Nothing good. Have you suspected for long?

Original poster
Prettysureitsnotok · 29/07/2018 03:09

I have suspected for a while. He’s not been there long but has suddenly developed an interest in personal grooming, lots of long days and long commutes home, cancelling our plans to go out with work

OP posts:
Sammyham88 · 29/07/2018 03:10

Doesn't sound good tbh, like he's tried to initiate something with her on the night out when mega pissed and then contacted her again in a last ditch attempt to bag her before passing out.

Original poster
Prettysureitsnotok · 29/07/2018 03:12

It’s the begging her to call her that gets to me. He would only grunt at me, and had spent 23 hours with her, but wanted her to call because “it would be really appreciated if we can”?

OP posts:
Jonsnowscodpiece · 29/07/2018 03:40

Personally I wouldn't be toooo worried at the minute going off the wording. It's overly friendly but that could just be the fact that he's come in steaming drunk. Pull him up on it and watch the reaction. One to watch.

Apileofballyhoo · 29/07/2018 03:45

I wouldn't be one bit happy about that. Are you tied up financially?

BrutusMcDogface · 29/07/2018 03:45

Erm, he's just spent a whole, very drunken, night with this woman and is now drunk texting her with his phone number. It doesn't sound good at all, op. Sorry. Flowers

JiltedJohnsJulie · 29/07/2018 03:54

The sudden interest in personal grooming doesn’t sound great either OP. This is how my DSis knew BIL was playing away, that and the new underwear he’d bought. He’d never shown any interest in buying underwear for himself ever before.

toyoungtodie · 29/07/2018 04:19

In the light of your partners message to this OW and his recent behaviour, it looks as though you have a couple of choices. (Although we could do with some more informations regarding your commitment to one another. If you have children and a house together obviously your approach may be different, as things will be harder to unravel. If this is the case then you will needs to legal help and also need to collect all the relevant paperwork connected with your relationship, before he does it. )
I think you need to have ‘ the conversation’ preferably calmly. If ultimately he intends to dump you and move on, then you need to try and emerge from the situation with some dignity and not be financially penalised.
I must say that it doesn’t look good although he borrowed your laptop to write this email?
However, the important thing is really, what do you want to happen and not let the course of events be dictated to by him.

Cawfee · 29/07/2018 05:43

? Are you kidding? He’s drunk, out until 8am with another woman and messaging her to call him!! WTF? Why are you even posting this and not kicking him out? It’s not ok to be treated like this. You get to set your boundaries. This has massively over stepped them. Don’t you want someone who treats you with respect?

Sally2791 · 29/07/2018 06:00

Completely out of order. Sounds like he's checked out of your relationship. Have the conversation and be prepared to hear difficult things

mummmy2017 · 29/07/2018 06:10

Send her another message..
This is DP other half.
Sorry. But what has my idiot done to upset you he was so drunk last night I couldn't understand him when he got into bed...
He just kept going on about messaging you, and being sorry...
Then give her your number...

Bibesia · 29/07/2018 06:29

Given all the other typos, did he get his phone number right?

usernameismyusername · 29/07/2018 06:29

End it op. You clearly know something is happening. Why would he even be out with her for 23 hours?

JeezYouLoon · 29/07/2018 06:34

Go with your gut instinct.

ivykaty44 · 29/07/2018 06:40

Username, I presume from that it was all day Friday working from 9am until he rolled in Saturday morning at 8am...?

Notmorewashing · 29/07/2018 06:45

Dump , its cheating

Ryder63 · 29/07/2018 06:54

I like the approach of mummmy2017 - that message is perfect! Grin

ohdeardeardear · 29/07/2018 07:11

Yes do what pp said

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/07/2018 07:33

Mummmy2017
Genius idea!

It doesn’t sound that good - he’s showing he cares more about her feelings and showing himself up in front of her than he does with you. But if you want to know what is going on this could be a good way of finding out.

Original poster
Prettysureitsnotok · 29/07/2018 10:21

Yeah his number is correct. But he lost his phone. Hilariously that’s why he’s used my laptop to contact her.

He would go completely mental if I contacted her. He’s obsessed with the idea that I’m “jeopardising his job”. By, you know, showing up to drinks he invites me to, then going home by myself when he says actually his workmates have said I’m not welcome to join them(after I arrive)

OP posts:
LizzieSiddal · 29/07/2018 10:29

He’s obsessed with the idea that I’m “jeopardising his job”. By, you know, showing up to drinks he invites me to, then going home by myself when he says actually his workmates have said I’m not welcome to join them(after I arrive)

That would be enough for me to end the relationship. He has no respect for you and whatever happened last night, he’s a horrible little shit.

dirtybadger · 29/07/2018 10:31

To me the message doesnt read like he has or is cheating (necessarily). Just that he's very drunk. Further context suggests things have or could be going that way (grooming, etc). But again I wouldnt be that confident.

But your post about him sending you home from drinks! Not okay! Angry And if he is generally treating you badly, then it really doesnt matter if he is or has cheated or if he has absolutely no intention of it.

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 29/07/2018 10:36

Oh he could just fuck off. Who needs or wants a relationship like that. OP if you have any self respect, you'll tell him to clear out.