Brothers partner assaulted him

[MadamBatty]

Brother has just left. His partner of 18 months hit him with a shoe repeatedly this morning. He has quite a deep cut on his head. She’s just discovered she’s pregnant & said it’s her hormones he doesn’t know how she feels.

He seemed in a daze. How can I besr support him?

Pregnancy is no excuse for physical violence...he needs to get the hell away from her.

I did say that there is no excuse for violence. He’s getting ready to move in, I did suggest that he stay in his own place tonight. He said he ‘had’ to go back & was dreading it

Any advice for me, what to say? How to support him?

Call the police.

He needs to report it and document the injuries

He said because she is pregnant he ‘cant’ leave. I told him that he can support her in her pregnancy but doesn’t have to physically with her.

I saw signs of her being controlling before this, I hinted at it to him. I think this is the real her

I took a photo of his head. He was v resistant to reporting it

I know he needs to leave, he’s not going to yet. What can I say in the meantime?

The only acceptable level of violence in a relationship is none.

If he's determined to stay though there's not much you can do but support him and try and keep up a relationship where he can come to you if anything like this happens again.

My friend is planning to leave his pregnant wife with the help of some friends and his DV worker.

Yes I'm sure lots of people who don't know the truth will think he's a bastard but he's willing to suffer that as it's preferable to suffering with her..

Thanks all the name. I’m tempering what I’m saying in case he clams up. I was in a violent marriage, it took me years to leave. I wished somebody had said to me it’s ok to leave.

I’m hoping he’ll see the light. He definitely needs to put the moving in on hold.

I’ve been there (female violent partner, although luckily no pregnancy). Despite the lack of kids, it still took me a long time to accept that I could (should) leave, due to a misplaced sense of duty. All that meant was that the severity of her attacks escalated to the point where a knife was involved. That was enough for me.

In my case the Police couldn’t have been less interested, but hopefully they’ve finally moved with the times and will support your brother. Don’t let him get to the point where she’s seriously hurt him before he gets out.

I had a violent girlfriend. It was the 5th time beforeI left. Before then i thought she wont do it again....
And each time was more agressive than the last. All you can do is support him and tell him its fine to leave. He can support his child just fine without being in a relationship with her. He may not listen now but keep talking to him, hopefully the penny will drop before too long.

Does he actually know she is pregnant? That could just what shes told him as an excuse to make him stay.

Thank you all for your kindness. He really is the gentlest soul & always tries to do the ‘right’ thing. He was shaking when he was here. I’ve never seen him like this

FWIW my mother was violent to my father. When he tried to defend himself as in just put up his hands to protect his face my mother would scream that he was hitting her. She called the police, they always believed her

www.mankind.org.uk/

It will help him know that he is not alone.

@upsideup he went to the doc with her. Not planned. He made this baby too so equally responsible for the baby.

Boneyback that’s really useful, it will take him time I think to admit that this is abuse. If he starts reading something might click

I do think the police are more aware today. Less female dv is so much rarer and less physically dangerous than the other way round but its more common than people might think.

There are definitely support groups for me out there

He wouldn’t go to the police. If he gets the fuck away from her it’ll be enough

Just allow me a rant. Who the fuck do some people think they are that they think they’re allowed out their hands on somebody else? Bleeding cheek & nerve

”less physically dangerous than the other way round”

...only when weapons aren’t involved and/or when the female in the equation is physically much smaller. My exGF was a good two stone heavier than me, and not much shorter.

And sharp fingernails, shoe heels, plates and knives don’t change their characteristics just because a woman’s wielding them.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is NONE.

They should no longer be together now; you can and should support him in getting away from her. Would he talk to Mankind or Refuge?.
This is a useful link for him:-
www.refuge.org.uk/get-help-now/help-for-men/i-am-being-abused/

I note too that your mother was violent towards your father; we learn about relationships first and foremost from our parents and your brother and you were taught a lot of damaging lessons by them.