Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Partner called me boring - where do I go from here?

29 replies

Lyinglow50 · 27/07/2018 21:04

I've had a lot on my plate recently and not in the best form. Yesterday my partner of 7 years was rude to me in front of his family. I was very surprised because he wouldn't normally do that.

I pulled him up on it later and he said I was being boring and that I do go on. I know you don't know me but I'm not boring. My DD who is 100% honest laughed and told me I'm not boring.

I have friends and family who like me and we get along well.

I'm really hurt by what he said. I am also embarrassed by the way he spoke to me in front of his family.

He has rung a few times today but I ignored him. He is under pressure at the moment too but I can't help thinking that he really thinks that.

Generally we get along well, chat and laugh at lot, have a good physical relationship and our families get on.

Am I over reacting? Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

Original poster

Lyinglow50 · 27/07/2018 22:54

I would love a reply, even one! Just to prove I'm not boring!! Truth be told I am feeling very hurt.

OP posts:

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/07/2018 22:56

If you say you’re not boring then you’re not boring

HollowTalk · 27/07/2018 22:57

He sounds horrible! What a thing to say to you. And what a horrible way to behave in front of his family, too.

What's he like the rest of the time?

AlwaysSleepy1 · 27/07/2018 22:57

Perhaps you need to give him chance yo explain? obviously I don't know.how bad the comment in front of his parents was but he may be snapping but knew that wouldn't offend you IYSWIM

MrsDc7 · 27/07/2018 22:58

What one person finds boring, another finds hilarious... I would be annoyed in your position. Being rude to you in public is unacceptable and telling you you’re boring is emotionally abusive and an attempt to ruin your self-esteem. I’d be very aware of that

HollowTalk · 27/07/2018 23:01

But if you find someone is boring everyone, surely you step in and change the subject?

AgathaF · 27/07/2018 23:01

You're not over reacting but you do need to talk. Ignoring him isn't the answer. You need to find out what he meant by his comments and then take it from there.

Ohhdear · 27/07/2018 23:01

He said that you were being boring at that moment in time, not that you are boring.

ShumpaLumpa · 27/07/2018 23:01

He sounds like a twat. Why are you with him?

thefourgp · 27/07/2018 23:02

How was he rude? What did he say? Is he usually so dismissive when you talk about your feelings? X

NT53NJT · 27/07/2018 23:03

One person's boring is another's eccentric. I'd pull him up on it because of the rudeness

Sevendown · 27/07/2018 23:05

It’s not so much what he said but that he should show you more respect.

Charley50 · 27/07/2018 23:06

He didn't say you were boring, he said you were being boring... there is a difference.

stellarfox · 27/07/2018 23:06

It’s a mean thing to say but sometimes people do say things they don’t mean if they are in a mood. I’d have a chat with him about it and about being rude in front of his family as that’s not on!

Charley50 · 27/07/2018 23:06

But yeah he shouldn't be rude to you. How was he rude?

Branleuse · 27/07/2018 23:07

Surely everybody can be boring sometimes, but if he actually really is bored by you generally then maybe its the beginning of the end? It doesnt mean youre actually boring. It doesnt sound like anyone else agrees with him

Leeds2 · 27/07/2018 23:09

do you share a home with him?

I am guessing not. If so, I probably would be telling him to be on his way. If he thought you were being boring, he could've changed the subject at the time, then discussed it with you later in private. Ridiculing you in public just isn't on.

Original poster

Lyinglow50 · 27/07/2018 23:12

Thanks a million for replying, I appreciate it! You're right ignoring him isn't going to resolve anything.

He's not normally rude, hardly ever. We were having a discussion about a road traffic accident someone was involved in. We were chatting about our experiences and he interrupted me a couple of times making it clear he wasn't interested.

When I asked him later why he was rude to me he said I am boring and go on a bit, meaning in general. I honestly don't.

I'll ring him tomorrow. Thanks again!!

OP posts:

Stripybeachbag · 27/07/2018 23:16

The boring thing is irrelevant sort of. He said you were "being boring" which I understand as him being irritated.

Is it you that he was irritated by or was he being nasty taking out his frustrations on you? I would go for the second.

On paper (in text?) that sounds awful but I think it is something most of us are guilty of. Stop ignoring him and talk to him. I don't mean let him off the hook but be understanding while making it clear that you won't stand for being spoken to like that.

Original poster

Lyinglow50 · 27/07/2018 23:27

Stripey you are spot on and he was frustrated when he spoke to me because he was doing a massive favour for his family which involved heavy lifting in hot sun.

I will make it clear that he is not to speak to me like that again.

This is why I love MN. All sorted!

OP posts:

AgentJohnson · 28/07/2018 07:41

‘You’re boring’ is such a teenage thing to say, I would find it very difficult to take someone seriously who’d use that as a retort. Your focus on the sentence rather than the intent is interesting, he said it shut the conversation down by humiliating you in front of his family. That’s a hell of a lot more than being rude, notice he hasn’t apologised, just repeated the statement.

Jane1727 · 28/07/2018 07:47

I wouldn't read too much into it. If my husband called me boring I would take it is a silly comment. Comments on here saying why are you with him are ridiculous. This is one comment and yes may be upsetting but is hardly a reason to end a relationship. Talk to him and tell him how upset you are. I am sure this is easy enough to resolve.

mselastic · 28/07/2018 07:48

If you are boring, he wouldn't have stayed with you for 7 years.

Original poster

Lyinglow50 · 28/07/2018 07:55

Agent you are spot on. It was really childish.

The thing that hurt me was the way he spoke to me in front of the family. He is a decent person normally but he was working really hard in boiling weather and his car started having problems on the journey over. He is also worried about his finances.

None of this is any excuse. He tried ringing me 3/4 times yesterday but I ignored him. I daresay he was ringing to talk things through.

I didn't pick up because I was hurt about the way he treated me.

If this was his normal behaviour I would not be with him.

OP posts:

category12 · 28/07/2018 08:10

Ignoring him isn't a good way of handling conflict, op. You need to learn some better ones - the "silent treatment" is destructive (and can be abusive. I am not saying it is here, but you do need better strategies). Talk to him and make sure you have boundaries about the way he speaks to you, but also work on that.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread