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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Can I cancel weekend away?

32 replies

FatherFintanStack1 · 27/07/2018 07:47

I sometimes have problems asserting myself and laying boundaries. This is largely I think due to several sexual assaults years ago leaving me feeling as though I don't have the right to say "no".

In this case, what I have agreed to, under a lot of pressure, is a weekend away with a man I met on OLD around May who I really don't like much and have nothing in common with but is very persistent. I let him know previously that we were not a good match, he insisted on a reason and tried to address the points I mentioned leaving me feeling guilty and unable to cut him out. I am pathetic, I know this. There is an odd sexual chemistry that i really can't explain as i find him unattractive but other than that no interest from my side whatsoever.

He's booked a weekend away somewhere that means a lot to me but I really don't want to go.

Turns out my parents have booked to stay 5 mins away the same weekend. Neither me nor them were aware of each other's plans so this is not deliberate (that would be weird!!) but will be super awkward as i have no interest in introducing this man to my family.

I checked the cancellation policy and apparently the hotel is not refundable unless they rebook it so he could be out of pocket by £250. I know I should act fast so they can rebook but don't know if I can cancel just in case they cant. I woke up having a panic attack last night about this as I find this guy quite repulsive.

I know I need to address my boundary problems but for now, would it be a horrible thing to do to call it off? I really can't afford to pay for the hotel and he is very well off.

I know I have fucked up by agreeing to this and deserve a bollocking, he is just so pushy. I should have blocked him when I tried to end things last time. Really regretting this.

OP posts:
Original poster
FatherFintanStack1 · 27/07/2018 07:49

Just to clarify l, it's next weekend, not this.

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 27/07/2018 07:55

Get in touch with him (text even) saying you can't go and block him. You need never hear from him again. Don't worry about being nice because if he's pressurised you he's bad news.

Shoxfordian · 27/07/2018 07:57

Yes, text and say you can't go then block.
Also sort out your boundaries op, don't let things get to this point in future

RoseyOldCrow · 27/07/2018 07:59

Yes, of course you can cancel.
Please do it and stay strong with your decision; it is the right one.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 27/07/2018 08:01

Yes you can cancel the weekend away. Tell him that you've had second thoughts and while you appreciate that he went to some effort to arrange the weekend away, you're not ready for that yet and you want to take a breather from the relationship. You apologise for any inconvenience that he may encounter now but this is your opinion and it should be respected.

sweatingcobs · 27/07/2018 08:02

Of course you can cancel, and then block him! it's not a good sign if he's being this pushy when you've said there's nothing there.
How does he usually contact you? Did you meet face to face in May?

Coolhotsummer · 27/07/2018 08:02

Cancel now this morning and decide what to do/say if he continues to try to persuade you because he will and then you will end up agreeing again and getting yourself in a big mess (typical thing I would do.)

hiddeneverything · 27/07/2018 08:04

Cancel. What sort of man pushes a woman into that. Block him and offer no more explanation. You've told him enough times x

Emma765 · 27/07/2018 08:04

He sounds like a creep. Please don't go with him. You don't owe him.a thing, just cancel and don't see him again.

heartsease68 · 27/07/2018 08:04

Of course you can cancel. He sounds dangerous.

thinkfast · 27/07/2018 08:06

Just say no. I'm not into you. I don't want to go away with you

Honeyroar · 27/07/2018 08:09

Yes cancel. But be honest- tell him you weren't ready for this and felt pushed into feeling like you had to go/keep seeing him. Let him work out that he's out of pocket because he wouldn't take no for an answer..

hugoagogo · 27/07/2018 08:11

Yes of course.

Original poster
FatherFintanStack1 · 27/07/2018 08:11

Thanks so much everyone, you're so kind. I was honestly expecting a kicking. I've messaged to say really sorry but I'm not ready for this and calling the weekend off. Not looking forward to his reply but I don't think it'll be nasty, just an effort to persuade me.

OP posts:
Mrsrochesterscat · 27/07/2018 08:15

Block him

FauxFox · 27/07/2018 08:15

Just block him - you don’t owe him anything. And maybe have a break from OLD until you feel strong enough to say no and assert yourself to get what you want from a relationship Flowers

Mrsrochesterscat · 27/07/2018 08:15

Who cares what his reply is - you’re not going to see it because you’ve blocked him

Ryder63 · 27/07/2018 08:16

Oh OP JUST BLOCK HIM! you owe him nothing! why put yourself through the stress of continued contact with someone you don't even like, to the point of finding him repulsive?

JUST BLOCK!!!!!

GreenTulips · 27/07/2018 08:19

He can still go and probably has someone else lined up anyway

Block him -- you owe him nothing

Hideandgo · 27/07/2018 08:20

Yep, no problem with cancelling. It would have been ideal not agreeing on the first place but this man has already bullied you so it’s definitely fine to cancel these plans more than a week in advance and tell him that you felt pushed into it and are actually not interested in going. Then block him. If he’s the type I think he is he’ll be nasty but that’s fine because he’s no longer your problem, hurrah! 😗

Be strong OP, this is simply a necessary lesson in assertiveness. Get a friend to sit with you will you make the call or less ideal, but also fine, send the text. Then have a drink together and flex your muscles.

Nottheduchessofcambridge · 27/07/2018 08:24

Of course you can cancel and block, just tell him the truth. If this makes you feel too anxious though, you could be ill on that weekend.

PeanuttyButter · 27/07/2018 08:28

If he really cared he wouldn’t be pushing the subject so much. I know it’s hard I’ve been in similar situation before and you only feel worse afterwards. Block him and move on. Oh and next time you need boundaries think about this and hopefully you will make the right decision the first time xx

Shoxfordian · 27/07/2018 08:42

Block him then you don't have to deal with the reply

ScrubTheDecks · 27/07/2018 09:00

If he tries to persuade you or replies with ANYTHING other than a graceful “of course it is your decision and I am sorry if you felt pressured ‘ then block him instantly. Block him anyway.

Because you will worry that next week he will be guilt tripping you because ‘they haven’t re-booked the room’ etc.

He pressurised you
You don’t feel comfortable
You can’t sell yourself for the price if a hotel room
They will receive-book it
He can go alone
Take someone else
Suck it up: he is v well off, it is his responsibility. You can’t expect to buy a woman for the price of a hotel room.

Block him.

MsJolly · 27/07/2018 09:03

Don't wait for a response or guilt trip-just block him