I sometimes have problems asserting myself and laying boundaries. This is largely I think due to several sexual assaults years ago leaving me feeling as though I don't have the right to say "no".
In this case, what I have agreed to, under a lot of pressure, is a weekend away with a man I met on OLD around May who I really don't like much and have nothing in common with but is very persistent. I let him know previously that we were not a good match, he insisted on a reason and tried to address the points I mentioned leaving me feeling guilty and unable to cut him out. I am pathetic, I know this. There is an odd sexual chemistry that i really can't explain as i find him unattractive but other than that no interest from my side whatsoever.
He's booked a weekend away somewhere that means a lot to me but I really don't want to go.
Turns out my parents have booked to stay 5 mins away the same weekend. Neither me nor them were aware of each other's plans so this is not deliberate (that would be weird!!) but will be super awkward as i have no interest in introducing this man to my family.
I checked the cancellation policy and apparently the hotel is not refundable unless they rebook it so he could be out of pocket by £250. I know I should act fast so they can rebook but don't know if I can cancel just in case they cant. I woke up having a panic attack last night about this as I find this guy quite repulsive.
I know I need to address my boundary problems but for now, would it be a horrible thing to do to call it off? I really can't afford to pay for the hotel and he is very well off.
I know I have fucked up by agreeing to this and deserve a bollocking, he is just so pushy. I should have blocked him when I tried to end things last time. Really regretting this.