Husband has left me

[whatthefdoidonow]

So last night my Husband came home to tell me after 10 years he no longer loves me. He swears there is no other woman and I do believe him . What the f do I do next? I am in utter shock and cannot stop crying. I wish i could wake up and it be a bad nightmare. We have a 6 year old daughter too she is heartbroken as well although obviously doesn't fully understand. Any advice from anyone? Thank you

I am so sorry. How have things been between you both recently? Normal? Good? Bad?

What’s made him come to that decision so suddenly? Has he even hinted anything’s wrong before? If not, there must be an OW. Is he not willing to even try counselling?

What you are feeling is normal.
Is there someone in real life you can tell?

There seem to be so many going through this at the moment, I am too.

That must have been a bolt out the blue and in the school holidays to! Sorry I'm not buying it, I know your hurting but there's far more to this than meets the eye. Have you drifted apart recently? Been any big rows, financial worries. You don't just up and leave! Big hugs xx

I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you get some clarity soon. For what it's worth men don't have to have another woman lined up if they don't give you the kind of answer you want. My ex left me because he fell out of love and was miserable trying to keep up a pretence. There was no other woman and still isn't. Not every man has another woman lined up and it's ridiculous for anyone to say it's always the way. Some men crave their freedom, it could be so many things. I've certainly left long term relationships without lining up another.
Let the dust settle, lean on your friends and in a bit of time explain you need more of an explanation to help you understand.

I'm really sorry,. Breakups are the pits.

It's very common for there to be another woman. Unusual to make that leap without a specific trigger, if things have otherwise seemed OK between them.

But anyway, op, I'm sorry you're experiencing this. You will get through it, just focus on a day at a time.

I thought things were ok. A couple of years ago we hit a bad point and he hinted then that he doesnt enjoy going out as i want to on my days off as i work long hours i like to go out and be busy on days off. He works away and think this has maybe caused the drift. Hes 100% not got another woman i believe him on this. Yup it sucks big time. Had about 1 hour sleep last night and now have to face the day. He has been thinking about this for a long time apparantly. Nice if he told me! It was my 30th on Wed too so he has completely ruined that...iv cancelled my party etc. Although that is a minor issue right now!! We just got back from holiday too. He is coming over to discuss things this morning finances etc. Never thought id be typing this. Thanks to those saying there doesnt have to be an ow!

Where does he work away? Distance can be a real problem, my own husband see it as a green light to live a double life. 😐

I hope to god I'm wrong of course, but never in a million years did I think he would do what he did. I guess the best you can do now is hold it together, discuss things calmly with a poker face on. I've mastered this art in the past 6 months. 💐

There aren’t many reasons why men leave a marriage OP. How can you be absolutely certain that there isn’t anyone else?
My friends exdh told her there wasn’t anyone else and then moved in with someone a week later. But of course, he wasn’t seeing her before that
If he’s not willing to try counselling or mediation, he checked out of your marriage a while ago and he has been pretending for weeks. It’s crap op, but you’ll get through it, you need to be strong for your DD. Dale it until you make it.

*Fake

Depression and not wanting to burden a partner is another reason I am aware of. It's so easy to say all men do this or that. It's naive and unfair.

Interesting article here:

www.google.ie/amp/s/m.huffpost.com/us/entry/us_57964134e4b01180b52fad5a/amp

for you. This happened to me too 20 months ago. No warning or anything. Swore blind there was nobody else and I believed him too. He moved in with the OW 6 weeks later
It will be hard and you will feel every emotion under the sun but stay strong for your DD and make sure you have RL support.

Please don't agree on anything yet - you need time to think things through and see a solicitor

He's obviously thought about this and has a plan.

Call off the meeting, you aren't ready to discuss this properly yet

In agree with PP @GreenTulips it's far too soon to discuss financials. You need to get your head straight first and urge you not to agree to anything just yet. Assuming he's the one wanting to discuss financials so soon after I'd guess he's got a plan all sorted.

As soon as you said "works away" I thought "OW". Sorry op.

Where did he stay last night?

I also agree with PPs saying not to agree to anything today. He seems to be in quite a rush doesn't he?

I agree . Delay the meeting . You need some time to process this .

Just been through a similar situation if you want any message support. I too keep thinking I will wake up from this nightmare one morning. :(

My partner lied to my face about there being no-one else for weeks after dropping the 'You've changed' 'You're more like a friend to me' 'I want to do my own thing.' I then found train tickets that put him somewhere else one night to where he said he was and it all came out about an affair with a co-worker.

The shock is horrible. Reach out to everyone, talk to people you trust, you need support. Try to eat little and often as all of the emotions are really draining. The posters on here are amazing so keep posting here as well.

Also, agree with the other posters. You will be in a lot of shock so don't discuss anything financial etc yet, tell him this is a big shock for me so I need time to get my head around it.

Oh my, what a shock. He seems very keen to get things moving. You don’t have to go at his pace. Take your time with decision making. Have you told anyone IRL what’s happening? If you have to meet today, could someone be with you?
He has had time to get his head around this situation. You haven’t.

Ultimately if there is someone else or not doesn’t change things. There may be, there may not be. Until there’s factual evidence of it then may be easier to think not but be realistic that there might be - that’s what I did.

He stayed at his Mums last night i know for certain as i spoke to her and him there. He is offshore and we share bank accounts nothing dodgy going on there. He is so keen to talk finances as he gos away tomorrow for a month again and doesn't want me worrying as i couldnt afford all our bills from my salary alone. Thanks for all the kind words and support. Sorry to hear others have been through this too...it is truly awful.

Mine was off shore to.. sorry I'm bitter but it's amazing how common this is. The wedding ring comes off and the fun begins. My husband was actually living with another woman. I had no idea.. I'm so sorry but my advice is to put your big girl pants on and become a very good detective fast!