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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

A woman’s perspective so I don’t creep someone out...

27 replies

Willing2acceptAdvice · 27/07/2018 00:12

Hi all,

I was looking at a friends Facebook list looking for a friend of his. Whilst on there looking for this guy, I notice a woman on there and thought how pretty she looked.

I want to message her on Facebook but dont know if I should send a message first or a friends request?

Ladies what are your thoughts?

OP posts:
1vandal2 · 27/07/2018 00:14

It's creepy as fuck don't do it.

neverendingstoreeeeee · 27/07/2018 00:15

My thoughts are ‘creepy fucker. This one is a late night troll out for jollies and needs reporting’
HTH.
On the faint off chance you are genuine, your friends contact list is not tinder, and you need to go and do something that gets you out of the house. Away from online harassment.

HirplesWithHaggis · 27/07/2018 00:16

Get one or more of your mutual friends to introduce you in real life. Worry about FB later.

Armchairanarchist · 27/07/2018 00:19

Seriously creepy and shallow too. You know nothing about her.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 27/07/2018 00:20

I'd be totally creeped out by a random message or friend request from a complete stranger. I would block and delete. If it's a friend of a friend, maybe ask your mutual friend if there might be some social occasion coming up where you and this woman might both attend e.g. Birthday party, BBQ and ask him to introduce you in real life. Then, if you hit it off, a message from you won't seem creepy as it would out of the blue.

IsaidMrDarcynotArsey · 27/07/2018 00:24

No, you get your real life friend to introduce you if they think it’s appropriate.

sadiesnakes · 27/07/2018 00:28

Yeah? Don't be a weirdoHmm

untilthatday · 27/07/2018 01:12

Oh god. I did this. Only once, someone popped up on people you might know. We do have mutual friends.
I presumed peoplefo this a lot from what I've seen/heard.
When I saw his face I thought wow, he's my exact type in human form ( I have very specific taste looks wise and never meet it in real life!). Said he was single on the blurb.
I thought I would be proactive and had nothing to lose.
Sent friend request and message, I'd seen him recently play in a band so I had something relevant to say in a message.
He replied with a very courteous message but clearly not interested and I felt a bit of a fool after!

Cricrichan · 27/07/2018 01:13

I get quite a few friend requests from male strangers and male friends of friends. I never accept them. If they messaged me, it would depend on what they said.

Duchessgummybuns · 27/07/2018 06:15

Don’t do it guy. I got a fb message from a bloke who said I had come up in his “People you may know” even though we had no mutual friends, I thought he was fucking weird and a creepy chancer.

Most people use Facebook to communicate with existing friends. There are specific sites available for dating stick to those unless you want to be That Guy.

Itwasntmehonest · 27/07/2018 07:50

Step away from the friends list! I get this all the time and it's weird and creepy with either option.

Can't you just ask your friend about her? Would he maybe introduce you to her? For all you know this woman is already taken anyway.

EmpressOfSpartacus · 27/07/2018 07:52

Yep, creepy as fuck. When I get friend requests from random blokes I delete & block too.

blackeyes72 · 27/07/2018 07:56

Another vote for creepy and a bit shallow too

Monty27 · 27/07/2018 07:57

You sound like a weirdo
And what's with the ladies business?
I suggest you learn some social skills in your cave Hmm

IfyouseeRitaMoreno · 27/07/2018 07:59

I notice a woman on there and thought how pretty she looked

Geez. You need to change your criteria for the women you select. Like personality perhaps.

Babablau · 27/07/2018 08:00

I don't think it's creepy, as long as you don't send a weird ott message about how pretty she is, just say hi and try to make conversation, if she doesn't seem interested then leave it. How is that creepy?

Hideandgo · 27/07/2018 08:00

Not an acceptable way to introduce yourself. Get friends to introduce you.

Coolhotsummer · 27/07/2018 08:00

I think lots of people become Facebook friends like this. It’s the only way to explain how some young people have thousands of friends.

I’ve had this happen a lot and I always ignore.

ReevaDiva · 27/07/2018 08:03

I'm part of a running group on Facebook and the only members who ever try to friend me are sad-looking men with thinly-vailed creepy messages.

Don't do this. Get a dating app if you want to find someone online. Your friend's friends aren't your potential fuck pool Hmm

batshitbetty · 27/07/2018 08:04

Ewwwww, no no no - women do not wanting random Facebook strangers getting in contact to tell them they are pretty at all. It's creepy

LynetteScavo · 27/07/2018 08:04

I also look pretty in ever photo of me on FB. In RL I'm really not!

I have 3 friends in FB who I've never actually met...one sent me a friend request....we have a lot of mutual friends as we went to the sane school, but I dint think we were there at the same time as I don't remember her! Anyway we have a great FB relationship, if there is such a thing.

But a random guy friending me or sending a message would just be ignored. Don't do it.

TooTrueToBeGood · 27/07/2018 08:05

Why limit yourself to friends of friends? Spread your net wider and just message any random pretty females you can find on FB. Not serious, you're being creepy as fuck.

Chinnyreckoning · 27/07/2018 08:17

Ooh...sam heuchan is facebook friends with a friend of mine. Do you think I could do this?

Seriously... Don't.

NewtoOLD · 27/07/2018 08:32

Why not have a word with your friend and find out more about her situation to start with e.g. is she even single ?

Orange6904 · 27/07/2018 08:38

Nothing wrong with finding someone attractive but it is a little bit shallow and immature. Just try and go out with mutual friends like others said.

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