Ex climbed into the house through a window

[WellDoneTiger]

He moved out some weeks ago. He announced that he was taking the dogs out. The door was locked as nobody was up so he climbed through a window to get in.

I don't think I can legally change the locks because I don't have an occupation order.

He is using the dogs as a stick to beat me with. He hasn't been in touch with the children.

Is his name on the house? Who do the dogs belong to?

Shut your windows next time. Personally I would change the lock of the door you usually use and if it did get brought up say the lock was sticking so you replaced it, leave the other door but leave a key in the inside when locked.

I am responsible for the dogs. Both our names are on the house. Yes I will close the windows. From what I understand he has rights of entry unless I get a court order to keep him away.

This must be scary OP

Would you be prepared to give him the dogs to get rid of him?

Hmm, right of entry has to be reasonable, surely.

Going through the window before everyone was up does not seem reasonable to me, as he could wait for you to answer the door.

As an aside, he has done you a favour as it shows that locking the door but leaving the windows open - in this heat - leaves your home insecure during the night.
Suggest you ask today the local crime prevention team round as a priority to advise on reasonably securing your home - types of window locks, registered locksmith etc - & mention in passing that your STBX came through the window, got fright of your life etc.

So he climbed through a window in the night/ very early morning, in order to get to his dogs, sneaking past you and his sleeping children... whom he’s made no effort to contact?

I don’t even know where to start with that one?! He sounds a joy.

Do you feel nervous or freaked out by him invading your privacy and boundaries that way? It feels quite a scary thing for him to have done. A power thing.

And what the hell is up with the slavishly devotion to the dogs compared to giving his kids the cold shoulder? What’s that about?

As an aside, I use window locks, which allow me to open the window but only a few inches and no more.

For me, it’s safety, because we live 3 floors up and have a young child... but could work well as ‘burglary prevention’ as well.

You can open the locks easily with a special key that comes with it, for the day time when you’re in.

He can't have animals in his house. I am responsible for the welfare of the animals. There is something missing about my ex and he is likely to do something really stupid with the animals.

It's definitely a power thing. He wrote me an email saying he would arrive at a certain time to take the dogs out. No real discussion. I have agreed that he can take them out. I don't think he has quite clocked just how hot it is.

I don't want him anywhere near me and I'm not sure how to deal with this, especially the climbing through the window bit. I have never known him to climb through a window! I need a security camera to catch him on if he's going to make a habit of it.

I do feel freaked out and I do feel that my boundaries have been violated. He could so easily have shouted or phoned. Anything to announce his presence.

Would you consider re-homing the dogs? I would really want this man out of my life and if you don't trust him to care for them properly it might be best for them.

Change the locks
Apply for a temporary restraining order

what @vanguardsix said.

OP i am sure it is very distressing and unnerving, in the meantime lock the windows and doors he left his choice actions have consequences .

That is some fucking creepy behaviour, I can’t get over him wanting to see the dogs, but not his own children. You could have woken up and thought you were being burgled and ended up stabbing him! You need some advice on what you can do about this, can you afford a solicitor?

I would speak to the police and ask their advice. This could possibly be seen as harassment. Just because he has a legal right to enter the house does not mean he has a legal right to do it in a way that makes you feel scared or harassed.

The police can't do anything. I do feel a bit weirded out by his behaviour. Climbing through a window???? I have never known him lower himself to that kind of thing. He has only ever sneered at me for doing the same.

Getting an occupation order costs £££££. He is assuming that the children will want to be with him and that he will get 50/50 access through cafcass. The dogs are an easier way to target me.

If he breaks into his own house he won't be arrested for criminal damage and probably wouldn't pay for it, leaving me with the bill.

He wanted to wind you up. He succeeded. FGS don't let him know he's found a good button to press. Act like it means nothing at all that he climbed through the window. In your own mind laugh your head off at the ludicrous twatty man.

You wrote There is something missing about my ex and he is likely to do something really stupid with the animals.

Do you genuinely believe he will seriously hurt or kill the dogs? I'd rehome them if I believed that and couldn't stop him from having them.

Call WA. Why do you think the police can't do anything? He is terrorising you and the DC in your own home.

I've spoken to WA and had some advice from my solicitor which is what I have written about. The police can't do anything about someone climbing through a window into their own house. He is doing it to intimidate me.

I would rehome the dogs personally. It'll reduce the power that he has over you and will keep them safely away from him.

But that is an example of domestic abuse surely? Trying to intimidate you.

Does he know he succeeded in intimidating you?

It is all tied up with domestic abuse. He has been interviewed by the police and denied everything. I have not said anything to him apart from to ask him how he got into the house. It is the sense of entitlement that gets me.

Hi well done - it was my understanding that IF HE has another home then he no longer resides with you. Does he have a tenancy agreement?
Why does he not come though the front door?
He’s doing it to intimidate you. Are you married to him? If you are start divorce proceedings. I’m not sure what you can do if you are not married in that I don’t know what you can do legally.
At least he’s gone though.
Some people might have a bat by there bed and think there was a burglar trying to get in!!! 😇
It’s no joke though. Have you any supportive family who could stay over.
They don’t go easily do they.

That sounds awful, it is clearly unreasonable behaviour at best or intending to cause you and your children distress at worst ( I mean if someone clambers through your window you would assume you are being burgled).
If I was you I would seriously think of moving, that way he wouldn't have a hold over you. You could then go grey rock to defuse any further batshit antics.

He is now my ex husband and he was advised by police to move out. He has no bail conditions and hasn't been arrested. The house is for sale.
He has been upping the abuse as everyone says he would.

I think he is testing the radar. Because we co-own the house I cannot keep him out without a court order. I am trying to keep my legal costs down and keep everything as simple as possible.

the children seem more cheerful generally. I am experiencing relentless triggers of his behaviour which is difficult especially since they are with the children. I'm taking them with me to WA so at least they'll know where I go!