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Original poster

When your date is online on OLD

39 replies

StrawberryLaces0 · 23/07/2018 00:21

Been chatting to someone every day for couple of weeks, had one date and another tomorrow. But I notice on WhatsApp he's on a lot in between and well after saying goodnight to me...so I check OLD...and he's online.
I just feel crappy and I wonder what the point is of making an effort. Because obviously I'm not enough to get to know...and they're still looking for the next best thing...just in case. Too sensitive? Or is this just the standard way dating goes...

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 23/07/2018 00:25

He's not committed to you in any way. It's called playing the field. You should do it too.

ThatchersCold · 23/07/2018 00:30

Meh. You’ve only had one date, I guess he’s just keeping your options open at this stage. I’d be hurt if I’d slept with someone and they did that but up until that point I wouldn’t be too bothered about it.

Original poster
StrawberryLaces0 · 23/07/2018 00:54

Thanks...that's reassuring I guess 🤷🏻‍♀️ Think I need to develop thicker skin if this is how the game is played....

OP posts:
Changedname3456 · 23/07/2018 00:54

After one date? A bit over sensitive tbh. If he’s been on old for longer than a few weeks then he’ll have got a bit jaded.

Both genders act like a hyperactive kid in a sweet shop on it. Lots of people, IME, are not what they seem and a lot aren’t really very serious about finding a partner and are either just after a shag or just want to chat when they’re bored.

None of that may apply to you, but he can’t know that yet. And even in the best case, you can end up dating someone for months before something makes you realise you’re not actually that compatible.

esk1mo · 23/07/2018 01:42

how do you know he isnt speaking to friends and family? i’ve literally never noticed when a man is online on whatsapp.

is the only way to tell to open the conversation and check if it says “online” underneath their name? if so, why are you doing that?!

Original poster
StrawberryLaces0 · 23/07/2018 02:37

@esk1mo
No actually. It's the last seen under the name. So it's automatically there when you go into read/write a message.

@Changedname3456
Ah yes! A sweatshop 😂 great analogy. That's been a really spot on post. Enlightening...thanks x

OP posts:
Nofilter · 23/07/2018 03:03

What does OLD stand for??

TheseThingsMatter · 23/07/2018 03:25

OLD = online dating

catgee · 23/07/2018 03:55

I used to have a rule when I was OLD that I would stop messaging/meeting up with other people if I had 3 successful dates with someone. I felt that this helped me strike the balance between investing my time and interest in a guy where I thought it could potentially go somewhere and keeping my options open (because there were a lot of people who clearly weren't going to go anywhere after a date or two)

Kinunir · 23/07/2018 06:46

One date is nothing in the grand scheme of things and you barely know anything about each other at this point, let alone whether you'll be compatible for the longer-term.

I echo the playing the field comment - go out, meet lots of people, have fun and don't over invest in one person too soon.

Also remember that people do indeed have non-dates on WhatsApp too. I have parents, kids, friends and about 60 work colleagues on mine and talk to them all during the week, with the latter tending to be up late at night (time zone differences).

Ryder63 · 23/07/2018 06:55

I dated someone from OLD who removed the app, but showed as online on POF when he couldn't have been. Apparently it's an issue with the app or deliberate to make the site look busier than it is, from what I've seen online about this.

The being on and off WhatsApp after saying goodnight to you would indicate he is chatting to others - so as a pp says, treat the dates lightly at first, and don't over invest!

TheBlueDot · 23/07/2018 06:55

What if he’s seeing you’ve been online and assuming you’re chatting to other men too?

It’s too soon to be expecting him to not be talking to anyone else. You need to keep talking to others too, don’t put all the pressure on this one potential relationship when you don’t know if it’s going to develop yet.

Original poster
StrawberryLaces0 · 23/07/2018 07:13

Thanks guys!! Great advice there 🤗

@catgee
I love your rule! Adopting it. Makes great sense!!

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 23/07/2018 08:38

Seriously, calm the fuck down, as a friend of mine is fond of saying. To be that invested after one date?

Original poster
StrawberryLaces0 · 23/07/2018 11:10

@ShatnersWig
I asked a question...got answers...end of. No need to wade in being rude and vulgar.

OP posts:
ShatnersWig · 23/07/2018 11:13

No need to wade in being rude and vulgar.

For a moment I thought you were new to MN and had never been here before. But a quick check proves you're not.

I must have missed the memo where vulgar words were no longer to be used on MN. Fuck me Grin

Ohb0llocks · 23/07/2018 11:21

I think maybe you're reading too much into stuff.

Dating is supposed to be fun and relaxed - enjoy it, don't work yourself up over the little things.

That's probably he most hypocritical thing I've ever said, but it's true nonetheless.

Mousefunky · 23/07/2018 11:21

I found OLD fairly addictive tbh. I used Tinder before I met my DP and it was basically like a game to me, I used to see how many matches I could get in a day for example. It gave me a kick winding people up on there too, I never took it overly seriously.

One date isn’t serious, agreed with others that he may be playing the field and you should too for now.

PanGalaticGargleBlaster · 23/07/2018 11:46

Meh. You’ve only had one date, I guess he’s just keeping your options open at this stage. I’d be hurt if I’d slept with someone and they did that but up until that point I wouldn’t be too bothered about it.

Pretty much this. One date does not mean you are exclusive and to be honest with OLD going on several 'first dates' with different people over a few weeks is pretty normal. At this stage you barely know the guy, you have one date where both of you have deemed it went well enough to meet up again and some text chatter. It's probably not healthy to be tracking their online movements. Spread your net wide, have some fun and don't read so much into things. Maybe, after several dates you can start to be miffed if they are still playing the field.

meowimacat · 23/07/2018 19:04

Sadly this is sooooooooo common. That's why I'm taking a break from it all, as for me it's a bit depressing.

I remember going on dates with a guy a few months ago who would use the app just before and just after our date. Like within moments of leaving me and heading back to his, his location changed - it changed before he text me to say how 'amazing' our date was and that he couldn't wait to see me again. So he had been on the dating app before even contacting me making out he liked me so much.
Sadly guys use it to chat to many women at once even after multiple dates. I find a lot of us women tend to invest in one guy we think seems great and drop all the rest. Got to keep your options open too. The only time you stop chatting to others/going on dates with others it when you are committed to them and they are to you.

Also I have many that say goodnight and then are on an hour later. You can also see through their instagram if you have that, just how many people they follow. One guy I was supposed to go on a date with follows 2k of people and the majority happen to be single women in his area, he likes and comments on all their pics. Really put me off him.

Chippyway · 23/07/2018 19:22

Jesus Christ it’s been ONE DATE!!! If I was this man and knew how you were currently feeling I’d be running a mile

You’re either way too invested or you’re a hypocrite

You’re moaning about him being online when you’re also checking yours. You’re either being hypocritical there OR you’re checking it to see whether he’s been online or not. If that’s the case you need to chill the hell out. One date and you’re checking his activity and whether he’s been online or not?! That’s scary and not normal!!!

If you truly expect somebody to remove themselves from online dating after just 1 date then you need help. Sorry, but that’s not normal.

AnnaPannocchia · 23/07/2018 20:11

If you truly expect somebody to remove themselves from online dating after just 1 date then you need help. Sorry, but that’s not normal.

What a hurtful, unnecessary thing to say Chippy. We are a different and we approach dating differently. No need to make OP feel like a freak because she really liked a guy she went on a date with.

ravenmum · 23/07/2018 20:28

The last times I've done OLD I've had three different dates in a week ... simply as I was free that week :) then had a second date with a couple, then a third date with the one remaining one. I assumed they were doing the same thing, and actually found it quite funny when one man who very obviously was doing multiple dates tried to cover it up! And I'd often go on the OLD site just before or just after a date, to read their profile again. I can't say I find it that weird or problematic; these are essentially blind dates, that's not the same as dating someone you've already met socially.

Usernamesareboring · 23/07/2018 20:50

Online dating is fab as long as you treat it as it is - don't over invest, don't go into it all desperate and needy, it's a bit of fun until something gets a bit more serious.

And it can get more serious, my tinder match is upstairs in the bedroom of the house we own together, with our furry babies! Best relationship I've ever had and we are 5 years in 😍

Hellywelly10 · 23/07/2018 20:56

Try not to worry op xx

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