When your date is online on OLD

[StrawberryLaces0]

Been chatting to someone every day for couple of weeks, had one date and another tomorrow. But I notice on WhatsApp he's on a lot in between and well after saying goodnight to me...so I check OLD...and he's online.
I just feel crappy and I wonder what the point is of making an effort. Because obviously I'm not enough to get to know...and they're still looking for the next best thing...just in case. Too sensitive? Or is this just the standard way dating goes...

What a hurtful, unnecessary thing to say Chippy. We are a different and we approach dating differently. No need to make OP feel like a freak because she really liked a guy she went on a date with

I’m not making her feel like a freak and it wasn’t unnecessary to say. It’s all true. Expecting a man you’ve only met one time to cut off all his options and expect him to stop logging onto his profile is not normal!

I mean, she had 1 date with someone why would she even want that person to cut his options already? She still barely knows him yet wants him to commit to only her and to stop logging in?

It’s not normal or healthy. She’s setting herself up for heartache by expecting a man to focus entirely on her when she’s only met him once

If you met a guy in a bar and started chatting and exchanged numbers, would you expect him to stop exploring his options and focus on only you? No you wouldn’t. It’s no different here

I did 6 dates in 5 days once (exhausting, not recommended). Don’t get over invested and treat it as a bit of fun. Until you’ve had ‘the talk’ assume you’re not exclusive. He isn’t doing anything wrong.

I am a vet of OLD and I find it all such a pointless carousel for this reason. Even if you meet somebody you like, and even IF they like you too, they're still looking about!!! It just makes it all so joyless.

Geez....I know one date isn't serious! Certainly not over invested. My post was more about the "hypocrisy"...when someone seems really into you, messages constantly and says can't wait to see you etc etc....yet instinct says they're saying the same to others and they're still shopping online. I'm more of a - let's see how this one goes before going into the next type of gal. So having it acknowledged by other posters that this is pretty standard behaviour makes me feel less bothered about it tbh. Collective experiences and all that...
Thanks to all who replied 💐

The thing is... if you’re checking his online status on Whatsapp then he will also see that you’re online at that time. If you sign in to your OLD profile to check his, then he will see that you’ve been on there too. You’re getting upset over how it looks to you when it would look exactlu the same to him. This is why I turned off the ‘last seen’ feature in my Whatsapp. I can’t see when anyone else has been online and they can’t see mine. Keeps me sane!

But it isn’t hypocrisy. He isn’t being a hypocrite at all, he’s done nothing wrong.

You had one date and you message each other a few nice words. Why would you automatically think he should/would cut all other options off? You’re a stranger that he’s met once and messaged for a couple of weeks. Assuming this man will focus on only you so soon is bizarre.

Turn off last seen and untick read receipts and your anxiety will be reduced. This is an inititiation of OLD and many people will have felt like you.

I met my wonderful husband OLD.

I’d dabbled in it previously but I did it ‘like a woman’ apologies for the massive generalisation!
I’d speak to one guy and invest time and effort for it to come to nothing.

I changed tack and decided to date like a man, chatted to loads of guys and had about 5 dates lined up in one week!

Well I met guy 1 and he was nice nothing special but arranged a second date.
Went out with guy 2 a couple days later and immediately cancelled everything else it was the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m now happily married and expecting our first child.

I think it would bother me a bit, but then think about it - you'd show as being online too as you've looked him up.

I'd say if he was still going online after you'd had half a dozen dates, I'd be anxious he was playing around.

People with OLD tend to keep their options open. You certainly have no right questioning his commitment to getting to know you after just one date. Even after a few but when it comes to about 3 months and his not asked for exclusivity then that should be your indication that the man is a player.

I once saw a woman on here being told to run for the hills as a man she met on OLD had asked her to delete her profile after 2 or 3 dates. It was seen as a red flag and an attempt to control her.

I think just chill out and see how things go. Maybe go on a couple of dates with others first.

I think online dating makes people judgemental, cynical and avoidant. You are probably new to it, but very soon you will learn to not trust in what people say. In the end the only thing that will truly prove to you if the date is worthy is time, so try to relax and not read too much in anything, neither the fact that you like each other means much at this stage, nor him being on the dating sites. People get ghosted, lied to, and mistreated all the time, and you are just supposed to take it in your stride and move on, and god forbid if you call people on their shitty actions, or get upset, then you would be called anxious and crazy.

It's a difficult thing to navigate through, OP. Best wishes.

Unfortunately OLD exposes you to he worst of human nature. 😑

I think online dating makes people judgemental, cynical and avoidant. You are probably new to it, but very soon you will learn to not trust in what people say. In the end the only thing that will truly prove to you if the date is worthy is time, so try to relax and not read too much in anything, neither the fact that you like each other means much at this stage, nor him being on the dating sites. People get ghosted, lied to, and mistreated all the time, and you are just supposed to take it in your stride and move on, and god forbid if you call people on their shitty actions, or get upset, then you would be called anxious and crazy.

Very well said Anavia. I wholeheartedly agree with you.