Injured partner,OLD and messed up

[Imessedupbigtime]

So I have messed up big time and don't know what to do. A bit long this but the Backstory is my OH has always been a bit of a joker and he is among a group of friends who are all like it as well. He works with a couple of them and was in the Army with another so all like chalk and cheese. On Friday morning one of my friends texts me to say have you and xxx split up.... So I called her as thought where has that come from, and after a bit of awkward talking she said she well she had seen his profile on a OLD site-she is recently single so on there looking in the local area. Obviously I go off have a look and finally find him on there and by then I am exploding as last year my sister had a nasty split through cheating which ended in a really bad time for her and me as I helped her through it. So when I finally catch up with him (made him come from home from work) I was absolutely mad-well it turns out him and his stupid mates were having a Competition to see who could make the most daft but amazing profile and the winner is the one who gets the most messages in seven days without messaging anyone. He is beside himself as he said it is was a harmless bit of fun but I was not convinced as I said even if it was what about genuine women looking to meet someone who are being made a fool of by a prick like you and your mates. So anyways I found myself getting more and more annoyed with his constant 'Calm down,calm down you are taking this out of hand' and I don't know what made me do it but with a fresh cup of coffee in my hand the mug and its contents ended being thrown at him and I did not miss. He went out the door and that was yesterday,and only the contact I have had is from his sister saying 'OMG you have really burnt him' I have to add I trust him and am now thinking I have really messed up as this is just another one of his childish moments. He has also never stayed away from the house in six years of marriage so I am a little concerned as the DC saw what I did and I have no history of acting like that ever. I also have his phone so he can't contact me and have just looked right through it and see he has three messages on this site and am thinking I will delete it. I really would like to contact the so called friends as well and tell them I will contact their partners and see what they think as well.

First thing to do is find out how badly injured your husband is. Boiling coffee can cause terrible damage. Then address how this incident has affected your children.

I work with ex-military blokes and they are a bunch of twats with a juvenile sense of humour. The OLD profile story may not be a lie.

Have you spoken to his sister to find out the extent of his injuries?

I agree with Emmageddon they can be juvenile idiots, one to way to verify is to seek out the rest of the profiles I guess.

The coffee thing, you know you've over reacted. I do think some time apart will hopefully make him see that what he's done isn't acceptable even if it was a lads thing. You already accept your wrong doing in this.

Not al, military or ex-military are twats - just saying. OP knows these people as individuals, and finds the idea of a practical joke plausible.

None of which justifies throwing scalding hot coffee at someone. What if she'd got him in the eyes?

Did you found out the extent of the burns from his sister?

i think your task for today is to track him down (tactfully) and discover his intentions for returning (or not), because you need to know what to say to DC, and ideally this should be something you both agree on.

Many people do leave marriages after a single episode of domestic violence, so you need to be thinking about practical issues as well.

I'm not saying ALL ex-military are twats, just the ones I work with.

I think you've got more problems than a supposed fake profile.

Throwing hot coffee on someone and your flip callus attitude about it is what is really disturbing here. I seriously doubt this kind of behaviour is a one off. Seek counseling straight away.

Well, no point in berating you as damage is done, what are you wanting as an outcome from this? Did the OLD profile look like a silly one? Do you believe him? Is there anyway you can find out how long its been there?

Get out of mumsnet, or while you're here, find out if he's fine. He is your husband, in the name of what you had, your children, you should never had done that. Out of self respect too. A second of madness can cost a lot. You should not try to get back together. Do not dare. You need to fix yourself. You did that in front of your children. How are they right now ? How do they feel ? Do you realize what you have done to them as well ?
Anger is an emotion, you were rightfully angry but what you did with your anger is WRONG. It's unlawful. IT's Assault. You're not of the hook because he did something wrong beforehand, or because you are a women. You are not admitting to yourself what you did, instead you are looking for people who could back you up (calling the others partners). Going on Mumsnet and soforth. Wake up !

I would try to contact him too see if he is ok. I would have been upset about the profile too, even if it was a joke I would be questioning our relationship and his respect for you. I would see if he is ok then give it some time to calm down. You did the wrong thing but that doesn't mean he gets a free pass. I don't think he will report you, it will affect him to if you are charged. Is it possible that he is ignoring you because he is trying to put all the blame on you (for his behaviour not ops) ?

OP that coffee could have hit your children if they were present and the emotional scard will be hard to fix. You need to have some time out to figure out why this happened and if it was genuinely one moment of complete madness or if you are sometimes abusive and this is just progression. Can you move out for a few days and try and get some counselling etc. I think you need your husbands view on your general behaviour as well as this incident. Can you meet with him with a third party present? I don't think you can try and make amends till you know his views.

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You have behaved appallingly but going back to the OLD site, have you found his friend's profiles or just his?

If your kids make you angry will you throw hot coffee at them in the heat of the moment?

Think the OP has gone.

Guess the op was in shock hense coming across as somewhat ambivalent. Lets face whats happens next is totally im his hands.

As for the prank, ive know single male frinds do something similar so it is possible