When or how did you know your relationship was over?

[NickyNora]

Just that.

No DV. No cheating, no nothing really.
4 dc. 19 yrs.

Been planning seperating for months. I've money saved up.

Its time to do it but I'm scared it might be the wrong decision. What if i can't cope with tbe dc (ASD etc)?

Any words of wisdom MN?

2 LTR's:

1. When my skin would crawl when he touched me, I still had a sex drive but just could not do it with him (I wasn't unfaithful)
2. When he shouted at and insulted me in the car in the way to my DF's funeral. Things hadn't been good for a while but that was the final straw.

In both situations, I let it drag out until they left- agree it's about not being the baddie. I so wish I'd left sooner, the time leading up to and after the 'switch off' moments caused a great deal of damage to by self esteem etc which extended 'recovery time' for me ( I'm just coming to the end of it after LTR2, 5 years later)

Take control as much as you can OP, don't let yourself be any more dragged down by the situation than you already are

You're already there OP...you need to leave. A lot of these comments ring true for me...I'm so much happier and a better mum without him around!!

When I heard him on the phone crying and begging her not to break up with him . She then had to tell her husband. Both knew the other was married with children (worked together) and both were (apparantly) Christians!

I keep hoping he'll meet someone & leave me.

Ive heard this sentiment before from someone whose later gone on to split up. Imagine how you'd feel if you thought you were in a good relationship and you knew your partner felt like that. You'd know it was time to move on.

Your existence sounds miserable. Life is too short. Set yourself free. Let yourself be happy.

Mine isn't over but I do dream about having a life away from DH, my own house with just me and the DC. I wouldn't go so far as to say I wish him dead but I do sometimes wish he'd leave me to make it easier and I prefer life when he's at work.

I'm sure most people would say if I feel this way I probably shouldn't be with him still.

For me it was the awful penny dropping moment one evening of realising how bad things were was when for the umpteenth time I was having to justify the continuing friendship of someone I had known for years. After a year of controlling, financial, emotional and occasional physical abuse I suddenly knew that if I had let that friendship go I would pretty much be alone.

When he bought me the same pyjamas as his mum for Christmas! Yes, I know how it sounds, but it was yet another symptom of how he now saw me. When I wouldn't run round after him telling him he was wonderful for being emotionally and financially abusive he looked elsewhere for validation. He's finally found the female version of himself; they are both deeply insecure, needy, self -deluding people. I wish I'd left him while I still had youth on my side, but you have to be in the right place, don't you?

I used to fantasise about his death

The final final straw (there were lots related to abuse before the actual last one, any of which would have been good enough if I'd been strong enough) was really trivial:

Seeing him sitting on the loo for hours with his laptop, wasting yet another day off getting nothing useful done, & thinking "this is how retirement is going to be".