Hi everyone - will try to be concise and factual and would really value people's opinions - I know MNterrs have always helped me with perspective in the past.
DH married 9 years , 3 children. we have had problems in the past with emotional and financial abuse crossing over onto the physical on a couple of occasions - think shoving , pinning , pushing grabbing in anger. At the worst point, DH was arrestedfor assault , we separated. Had counselling individually, reconciled, was going okay.
Fast forward 18months and we had a sum of money when he was made redundant , some cleared our collective debt and the rest has been spent on various things. DH always had control of the money. He started contracting , money was brilliant, we moved to a better house bought new car. DH lost contract and has been unable to find work since. I went back to work freelance to keep us afloat - but only just considering our hiked outgoings. I have to work away in the week , home at weekends . I was already cross that he spends money like water and did not consider consequences which were far reaching. I miss my kids , he mostlyhates being at home all the time and will admit he is just not very good at it. I think he is depressed , but hard to tell as he has always had an issue with the drink and uses it as a prop. I found out that he took out a couple of payday loans a few weeks ago and did not discuss or tell me. I only found out as I accidentally found an email on the family iPad. he also borrowed money from his mum . so we have no savings or safety net and he has incurred more debt. Let alone not told me about it.
he is really sorry and is promising to move on , give me all the financial stuff to deal with. He thinks we should move back to our old house with lower bills etc and more sustainable but I just feel so cheated and I feel so bitter that we had an opportunity to fresh start and now we are thinking about going backwards , literally and figuratively and I just don't know if I can rely on him , trust him and his decision making and I cannot for love nor money decide what to do.
He says I am looking back at the past and I need to forgive so we can move on but I feel like I have hit a brick wall. I have been home this week and all we have done is argue. I feel like a crazy woman . i am not craving money it's security and I don't think I have it in me to regroup our marriage again . I resent him as all of his actions have had big repercussions.i am no Angel (every time we talk we argue and I shout and he shouts back) but I am really really struggling. Am I a bitter materialistic cow ? hope have made sense and post is not too long