So called 'concealed pregnancies'

[manymanymoons]

I hope someone has had this, or knows someone who has.

This makes me indescribably sad. I feel i have missed out on that precious time of just me and her, and me protrcting her, It will be an awful thinh later if/when she asks about when she was born, or my 'pregnancy'.

was it recent MMM?? Congratulations

God yes, I hadn't thought of it that way. Don't know what to say.

I just remember stroking my stomach and feeling every little kick and roll with my first baby, and I had nothing of the sort this time.

How are you adjusting though? It must have been a huge shock. Are you breastfeeding and does that help at all with making up for what you missed out on? How about wearing your baby around the house and out and about instead of using a pushchair? I'm just thinking of things that will maximise your closeness now.

she must have been hiding I think it depends on the way she was lying, as to whether you would have felt her move

And please be brutally honest with me. We all hear these stories in magazines, but can you fully accept it as truth? I have had to, and very quickly. but I am worried that it will leave lingering doubts forever, which will have a bad impact on my baby!

When she asks, tell her you had a trouble free pregnancy and an easy fast birth

Sorry you feel so bad about it. Hopefully that will pass with time.

Well if you say it's true I've no reason to doubt you. How long ago was it?

oh darling, it must be such a shock. i knew someone this happened to, a wee girl born on christmas day and wrapped by her surprised grandparents in the tin foil meant for the turkey while the ambulance was on its way. (very eastenders i know but i swear it's true).

anyway, the wee girl was such a treasure that the whole family just told her that she was an extra present and she was very excited to have been a 'surprise'.

sometimes i think that children like to hear stories about how they are special to their parents, and in some cases that will be tales of how their daddy talked to them through your tummy, and in others it will be how she arrived as a fantastic surprise.

i have a neice who constantly asks me to tell her what her dad was like on the night when she was born, and my role is to tell her that he loved her so much that he couldn't speak.

it won't matter to your daughter that you didn't know, she'll have a story to be told either way. a thousand congratulations on your happy news.

There is some medical literature on this afaik. It is totally a recognised phenomenon, something to do with the lie of the baby meaning that no kicking is felt. And obviously if you were on the pill you will continue having periods throughout.
It strikes me however that the shock has meant YOU have had no time to take it in and adjust to having another child. Maybe you could ask your HV about counselling? Just having a non-judgmental ear to talk all your feelings through might be valuable.

No one here had doubted your word, and we can be a brutally honest lot at times hopefully that will show you that what has happened to you is completely feasible.

Aitch, that's a lovely post.

MMM, don't be sad, sweetheart - try to think of the positives - you weren't worried during your pregnancy, you didn't have any concerns about the birth - but you DO have a beautiful baby girl.

Have you had any counselling?

that's right, rosa, they told my friend's sister that it was probably cos she was carrying a bit (but not much) extra weight and the placenta would have been to the front so she wouldn't have felt kicks.

That's true as well. My placenta was at the front and it was really quite late on when I felt anything I would describe as kicks. And even then it was mostly more subtle movements that I mightn't have noticed if I wasn't expecting them.

Agree with the others re counselling - it must have been a massive shock and a huge adjustment. Talking it through with a disinterested party may well help you come to terms with it.

Thanks for your lovely advice. She is 6m now, It has taken me a while to adjust and to bond. at first she felt entirely like i was cuddling a friends baby but would give back. I breastfed her on and off for the first two months, but she was having formula more often than not.
She has however slotted perfectly into our lives and we can't imagine being without her.
We have had, understabdable, interference from health visitors, but it is now getting tiring.

So pleased to hear that is it all going well Manymoons. Don't forget you would normally have had nine months to get used to the idea of having a new person in your family, so it is hardly surprising if you need extra time to adjust. And if the HVs bother you, tell them to go away. No law saying you need to have them coming around.

If it's any comfort MMM, DS was planned for 4 years and it took me ages to bond with him. I don't think we really clicked until he was a couple of months, which makes me really sad looking back. I also feel we both really lost out in the early days.

I'm really glad you're coming to terms with what happened.

Thanks yet again.
No counsellimg, just very agressive health visitors, and a g.p whi jumped to put me on stromg anti depressanta which I never needed.
I do have an amazing DH and a group of close friends who have helped me through this,which I am so thankful for.
I just don't know what to say to those who are now doubting me. It's crazy but true, is all I have to say

I have seen enough things in my life to be totally convinced of the power of the brain. I believe the brain has power over the body in ways we donT realise. A good example, is that if you get reccurring headaches, its a sign that your brain is trying to send you a message through your body that you have to tackle a problem in your life that you arent dealing with.
So manymoons, I completely belive you that you didnt know that you were pregnant until the last moment. I saw a picture of a ballet dancer at 7 months pregnant and there was barely a bump- it was the positioning of the baby perhaps. But they do say that women dont know about their pregnancy until the birth are in a state of denial. Denial is really powerful, but I would say denial of a pregnancy would happen if a girl was going to be thrown out by her parents, or ostracised (or worse) by her society for an illegitimate pregnancy, say. You dont seem to fit into a category of a woman who would be in strong denial about a pregnancy. Basically, I believe you. Your daughter is not going to care or know one little bit about this. I wouldnT tell her if I were you. I for one have never asked or thought about how my mum felt during her pregnancy with me, its not something that usually crosses peoples minds. Im sure it will never be an issue.
I would try counselling, if I were you, just to have someone to chat to about how you are feeling. Or find some good books on Amazon about this kind of thing, to help you put your thoughts in order.
Congratulations on your daughter
Ive got a little baby girl, and theyre lovely, aren`t they.

I would also be upset if I missed a pregnancy. I know someone who didn't know she was pregnant until she was five or six months because she was bfing. She was quite upset and shocked, even though it's a much wanted baby.

I wouldn't mind missing out on the missing sickness and heartburn, but I'd be upset if I missed the kicked, and that unique feeling of having a baby inside of me!

As for your dd asking in the future about when you were pregnant with her and her birth, I think she will ask, as most women do ask, especially when they are pregnant themselves.

When she asks, make it out to be something very special and unusual, and emphasise what a wonderful surprise she was, and what an easy labour.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are experiencing nastiness - some people have no imagination and cannot comprehend what you are going through.

Every kid's birth/arrival story can be made special and happy for them: your DD will undoubtedly love to hear that she was the biggest and best surprise you ever had.
Remember that the first 6 months of so of paretnhood can be a bit odd anyway, with hormones all over the place, so don't be too hard on yourself and laugh at the bitchy types. Tell them they're just jealous you had no morning sickness!
Best of luck and enjoy your lovely surprise package.

I know several people who have had this. Two were very young girls, which I find perfectly understandable - a huge amount of ignorance combined with denial going on there, I think. The other woman hadn't had a period in years and didn't look pregnant at all. She was genuinely, absolutely shocked to discover she was 28 weeks pregnant after going to the doctors complaining of what she thought was a urine infection (but which was actually the baby lying awkwardly against her bladder). She had only put on about 5lbs, not even noticeable, and she had an anterior placenta, so she hadn't felt the baby kicking.

I know someone who didn't find out till quite late on in the pregnancy (she suspected in the beginning but was told she wasn't by her gp and that she couldn't have children).

SHe found that family and friends were suprisingly angry at her as they felt she had hidden it from them deliberately. SHe also was very upset at 'missing' her pregnancy and not having time to get used to the idea or bonding with baby before he was born.

I know someone else who gave birth without knowing she was pregnant (though I don't know how it affected her). SHe was told again that she couldn't have children and that it was a water infection.

I think it must be hard to come to terms with, though you seem to have done that reasonably well. I think the reaction of others is often a lot more angry and suspicious than you expect. How old is your dd?